


When Home Isn’t Marked on the Map

by midnight_marimba



Category: Dragon Quest XI
Genre: (featuring story about tiny Sylv beating nearly-grown Hendrik), Accidental Orphanage Acquisition, After Act 3, Angst, Background Luminary/Gemma, DQXI Rarepair Jam, Eventual appearances from other characters, Friends to Lovers, Kids, M/M, Minor Violence, Poverty, Sad Backstory, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Stealing the Show, The AU Where The Luminary Is Straight, The Luminary Is Named Brick, Unrequited Love, Youngest Possible Canon-Compatible Sylvando, canon-friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 74,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24323998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_marimba/pseuds/midnight_marimba
Summary: Goddess, the thought ofhimalmost made me get up and leap back out the window.Nursing a twice-broken heart, Erik cut ties with everyone but Mia soon after the team completed their shared goals.  But a life of solitude loses its appeal after a while, and Erik finds himself in Puerto Valor, willing to take a chance on trying to reconnect with the friendliest of his onetime companions.
Relationships: Camus | Erik/Sylvia | Sylvando (Dragon Quest XI)
Comments: 110
Kudos: 68





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spoiler warning: this is set after the end of the game (post act 3) and does have significant spoilers.  
> Content warnings for a couple instances of not-graphic violence and roughly canon-typical unhappy childhood backstories.
> 
> Unconnected to my other fics.
> 
> Credit to [ska1an](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ska1an/pseuds/ska1an) for inventing the objectively best ship name for Erik/Sylv: Stealing the Show.
> 
> Credit to the SoS discord for inventing the best possible name for our boy from Cobblestone (where, after all, people are named Chalky, Amber, Gemma, Dunstan…) I didn’t come up with his name here, but I strongly believe everyone should use it.

It wasn’t the easiest second-story window I’d ever climbed through, but it came close. He’d left it open and unattended. I wondered whether he didn’t really care about his material possessions, or if any would-be thieves who knew anything about him simply couldn’t bear to act against him. It would be a lot like kicking a puppy.

Easy enough to confirm I was in the right room, though. Half a dozen costumes lay draped across the bed, and there was a monstrosity of a hat rack in the corner with twelve times as many options as any normal person would ever need. 

I ignored all that and moved over to the little table near the door. I sat down in a chair and propped my feet up on the tabletop. I folded my hands behind my head, leaned back, and waited.

It wasn’t long before I heard footsteps and voices in the hallway. My heart started racing, but it was too late to back out now, so I forced myself to maintain a relaxed posture and a small smile.

For half an instant as the door opened, I wondered if he somehow knew I was there, because his entry couldn’t have been more perfect for the entrance I was trying to make. He backed into the room, calling, “Goodnight!” behind himself, and he shut the door before he turned around and saw me.

Then he let out a muted scream and clenched his fists near his face, comically shocked. I smirked.

“Señorito Norberto, is everything okay?” a voice came through the door.

“Sí, thank you, Servantes, everything’s fine. It was a good surprise!” Sylvando called back. Then he spread his fingers with an expression of over-the-top delight and finally spoke directly to me. “Erik, darling! How absolutely wonderful to see you!”

Then he charged across the space between us. I didn’t have time to brace myself before he dove forward and flung his arms around me, wrapping me up together with the back of the chair I was sitting in. He pushed me off balance so that my feet fell off the table, and I reflexively tried to grab for something to support myself. I ended up with one hand touching the wall and the other clinging to Sylv’s arm, which wasn’t really the self-assured dignity I’d been shooting for in this encounter, but oh well. My head finally caught up to my body to realize he wasn’t going to drop me, and I tried to cover by bringing my wall arm around to pat him on the back.

He finally tipped me and my chair back upright. I let go of him faster than he let go of me; he squeezed my shoulders for a moment as he withdrew. “Erik, it’s been...too long! I’m so delighted you’re here! How have you been?”

Too long? For an instant I’d expected him to say the exact duration: two years and two months. Maybe Sylv hadn’t tracked the time the way I had. That was fine. So far this was going as well as I’d hoped. There was a reason I’d picked Sylv. Out of everyone, I figured him for the one most likely to give me a friendly reception rather than an angry and accusatory one, or a dramatically hurt one.

I couldn’t quite make myself walk into an unhappy reception. Not right now.

“Fine,” I answered. “Everything’s fine. How have you been?”

“Also fine,” he said as he settled into the other seat. Then he shook his head with a smile. “Oh, no, I can’t say that. Much better than fine.” Everything he said was nearly musical with his habitual expressiveness. Or maybe it had just been too long since I’d really spoken with anybody other than Mia, and this was how normal people talked. “We got the new theater finished this year, so we’ve been set up in there for months, and it’s amazing. The building is beautiful, the acoustics are perfect, the audience has been lovely, and we’ve collected some great talent. It’s a dream come true for me. We’re between shows just at the moment, but if you’re in town next month, I can get you some good seats for our very first full-length play.”

“Uh, thanks. Maybe. It depends. So, uh, where’d you put this theater?”

Of course I already knew the answer. It was hard to overlook the behemoth of a building sitting outside the walls of Puerto Valor, even if I hadn’t been in town for an entire day, getting the lay of the land. But I never was great at small talk, and I needed to get him talking about anything other than my plans and the fact that I didn’t really have any.

I had some success with my ploy. At least he spent some time talking about the construction, the artistic choices built into the architecture itself, and the process of recruiting people to share the stage with him.

I actually paid attention. It was a strange experience, in a way, sitting there, letting Sylv talk directly to me and only me about his passion. I’d always been just a little standoffish with him, or maybe I’d just never had a lot of time or attention for anyone besides Brick.

Goddess, the thought of _him_ almost made me get up and leap back out the window. That last encounter had been beyond humiliating. I’d finally picked up my courage enough to pop in to Cobblestone, flowers in hand, looking for our Luminary. After all those months of mixed signals and hints back and forth between us, I figured Brick wasn’t ever going to figure us out unless I made the first move.

Turned out, I was the one who was thick as his name, because I’d gotten about halfway into my fumbling confession before his Gemma showed up, gave him a kiss and got his arm around her waist, and Brick turned back to me with a sheepish grin. “Hey, by the way, I was going to tell you, we got engaged!”

I’d mumbled my congratulations, told them the flowers were an engagement gift for both of them, and just about ran out of town. I hadn’t been back.

Ugh. Thinking about that was not what I came here for. I forced my attention back on task and listened to Sylvando talk about the first show they’d run in the theater, which had apparently been nothing but dressing up in fancy costumes and dancing around the stage for an hour. I’d learned something about the appeal of dancing with a group, thanks to Sylv’s influence on our team and a handful of sessions of everyone cavorting around the campfire, but I was still kind of astonished that people would spend money just to go watch something like that.

“Well, enough about me, darling.” My heartrate picked up again until he said, “How’s Mia?”

Okay. Could have been a worse change of subject. “She’s good. I got her enrolled in that girls’ school last autumn. Just got done visiting her.”

A short pause. I had time to realize I’d revealed that I’d been on this continent eight months ago, and that I hadn’t had my sister as an excuse for why I wasn’t visiting anyone for all that time. But Sylvando just nodded and asked, “How’s she liking it?”

“She likes it. I guess she has a pretty good knack for the treasure hunting bit, so she’s got something in common with a bunch of the girls there.”

“Wonderful! How’s she doing with the coursework?”

“Good enough. Of course she’s pretty behind in a lot of ways. I tried to get a start on teaching her to read, but she wasn’t great at it yet by the time we got there, so she had to sit in with some of the youngest classes. I was afraid she might be mad about it, but it seems like she thought it was funny, and now all those little kids worship her. I found her leading a group of them around like ducklings across the lawn when I got to the campus.”

“Oh! How adorable! I wish I could have seen that.”

“The uniform suits her, too. Nice to see her in something that fits and is actually in good condition.” I realized I was smiling, and for a little while I let Sylvando draw out more talk about Mia, and little by little, I started to feel relaxed.

This was what I came here hoping to find, I realized. I hadn’t been able to articulate it to myself, but it had been far too long since I’d simply spent time in the company of someone I really trusted not to take advantage or otherwise disappoint me, since I’d parted ways with Mia and gone wandering through the other side of the world. The worst Sylv might do to me is try to push me into doing something I didn’t really want to do, but I didn’t think he’d force the issue if I let him know I was really unhappy about it.

Well. He might pry. I still wasn’t quite prepared for that. But I’d been starting to feel like a weird old hermit, avoiding people for too long, and my desire to just talk to another human being had finally won out over my other baggage.

“How long are you going to be in town?” he asked me.

“Not entirely sure yet,” I said, which was true, and then, “I’ve gotta talk to a guy about a thing,” which was less true.

“Will you stay the night? I can just sing out for Servantes and he’ll be happy to get a room fixed up for you.”

Okay, that was still weird, being reminded that I was sitting there as an actual guest in a manor house with servants and everything. I mean, yeah, I wasn’t precisely invited, but I was feeling welcome, and that made it a new life experience.

But welcome or not, enjoying myself or not, staying the night felt like too much of a commitment right now. Especially since he hadn’t even touched on the subject of my overlong absence. “Nah,” I said. “Already got a room at the inn.” I hadn’t actually rented it, but I’d stopped by to make sure they had plenty available. It was a new building built to accompany the new theater, and it seemed that they only really expected to fill up when there was a show on.

“I’m sure they’ll be willing to…” Sylvando made another little pause, then continued, “To provide a bed that’s almost as comfy as the one we’d give you here. Let me know if you change your mind, or if you want to stay tomorrow. If you come by just after dawn, we’ll have breakfast ready. Or lunch around noon, in case you want to sleep in after being on the road.”

“Uh, right. Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” It suddenly clicked that he’d been heading to bed when I surprised him, and we’d already been talking for a while. I stretched. “Guess it’s about that time, huh? Thanks for letting me visit.”

“Thank you for dropping in. You have no idea how wonderful it is to see you, darling.”

I got to my feet, and so did he. I waited until he turned toward the door, and I took a couple steps toward the window instead.

He looked back, then gave me a wry smile and dropped his hand away from the door handle. “Please tell me I’ll see you again before you leave town?”

“Yeah, sure.” I gave him a smirk and a wave, and I climbed back out the way I came in.

  


* * *

  


I avoided the manor instead of appearing for breakfast or lunch. I wandered the town half-aimlessly instead, ruminating.

My first problem was that I didn’t have anywhere to be. Mia was settled. I’d already more or less explored the world five times over: once with Derk...and there was another name I didn’t want to think about...twice with Brick and the rest of the gang, once with Mia, and once on my own. There weren’t really any exciting, secret places I’d heard of that still called my name, and endlessly wandering was finally losing its charm.

My second problem was that I was about out of money. I’d had plenty after our team finished saving the world, divvied up our loot, and sold off the old gear that lacked sentimental value. But I’d dropped almost all of mine on the tuition for Mia’s schooling. That place did not come cheap, and I’d never shaken the feeling that holding on to a big windfall was a stupid idea anyway, after years keeping company with thieves, so I’d just paid the whole amount for the next five years in advance, and I’d put the little bit left over into a bank account under Mia’s name. I only had enough for a week of comfortable city living right now before I’d have to come up with something else.

Of course I could go back to thievery. I’d done so, in fact, during my past months of solo travel. But I’d only burgled Faris, feeling that a little payback for the whole Rainbough fiasco was appropriate. It had been so easy that I almost felt bad about it afterwards, and I’d stayed on the up and up since then. Even when I wasn’t trying to impress any paragons of virtue anymore, I guess some habit of a conscience had taken root while I wasn’t looking.

My feet took me into the Puerto Valor casino. Mindful of something Rab had once said about not gambling what you couldn’t afford to lose, I only visited the cheapest games. I’d done a bit more at other times, and I knew the rules well enough. I managed to make a tiny profit for a little while, then lost all of my day’s earnings.

I thought about trying to cheat the system just to see if I could, but before I got so far as mild temptation, I spotted another man sitting next to me making an attempt to slip a card out of his sleeve to replace the one in his hand. He wasn’t awful at the maneuver, but the dealer still spotted his attempt. Her hand darted out to catch his wrist.

The man hissed, “Get your hands off of me!” and actually pulled a knife with his free hand. I immediately could see from his grip that he wasn’t an expert knife fighter, and I’d reflexively started moving as soon as he did, so I followed through with my motion and smashed his wrist into the edge of the table as hard as I could. He yelled and dropped the knife, and a couple of casino guards came running. They quickly restrained the guy and dragged him away.

“Thanks,” the dealer said in a shaky voice, then nodded at the table with a smile. “Guess you won a free knife today.”

I looked down at it and laughed, still feeling the rush of adrenaline. “Not a prize I thought was on the list when I walked in here.”

“You spotted him trying to cheat, too, didn’t you?” she said. “Good eye.”

“Yeah, you too. Sure you should be grabbing hold of people like that, though?”

“No. It’s against procedure. I just got excited, that’s all. First time I caught anybody.”

“Really? Not a lot of hooligans, huh?”

“Not at my table, anyway. Though I’ve only been here a month.”

“How do you like it?”

“Oh, it’s fun. I get to meet a lot of people. Play games with them all day. There’s worse ways to make a living.”

“Seems like it might get to some people, trying to get folks to give you money for nothing in return,” I said, curious if she might deny it and show something in common with the mindset of a thief.

“Well, it’s not nothing. We’re selling hope, and excitement. Even if you don’t win, you still got a few minutes of thrill. We do try to send away those of our neighbors that we know are living on the edge and can’t afford to lose anything.”

“Huh. A virtuous den of iniquity.”

She giggled. “Hard to be a business that’s completely morally bankrupt when you have the famous Don Rodrigo in town. Have you ever seen him deliver a scolding? You don’t want to be on the wrong side of that, let me tell you. And now that we have his son Norberto, too, it’s even scarier.”

Her voice dropped to a near whisper, and my eyebrows climbed. “Oh?”

She nodded with serious, wide eyes, and she leaned across the table toward me as she continued. “If you do wrong in front of Norberto, he might tell you that he is _disappointed_ in you.”

She bit her lip, watching me, then grinned when I broke into laughter.

“Okay,” I said. “So what do people do for money in this town that doesn’t bring down the wrathful disappointment of the rich and famous?”

She tilted her head at me, curiously. “You looking for work? We got an opening for another dealer.”

“Huh. Really? How hard is it to learn?”

“Depends. You were doing fine with the rules and strategy while you’ve been at my table. Your losses are just normal average luck. Are you good with your hands?”

“Not many can say they’re better,” I said, which was really me being humble.

She gave me a little smirk, and I belatedly wondered if I might have just played into a pickup line. Oh well. I made a mental note to try and nip that in the bud, if and when I got this hypothetical job.

I was a little bit surprised to realize I was seriously considering the job. It wouldn’t have popped up on my top ten list of honest occupations to consider, but now that I was looking straight at it, it actually looked kind of intriguing. The element of luck might be enough to keep things interesting, and I thought the one-on-one engagement might deliver some of the thrill of pickpocketing without the aftertaste of guilt I'd developed after a couple years of heroics. My marks would be people who had already consented to having their money stolen, and it might be fun to hand out a big payday once in a while, too.

So I waited around until the end of the dealer’s shift, and I followed her to a back room. I met a woman who tested my math and my reflexes, made me shuffle an oversized deck of cards, and nodded approval.

“Last question. You got anyone in town who can vouch for your character?”

“Uh. Is that necessary? Your dealer vouched for me on the way in here.”

“True, and that’s a good mark in your favor. But you’ll be directly involved with a significant amount of our money. So we like to have a recommendation from someone we already know and trust.”

I sighed. “Okay. I guess...I do have one person I could ask.”

“Mind if I ask who?”

“Um. His name’s, er. Norberto.” I held my breath, wondering how many ways I was going to regret this.

“Norberto the tailor’s son? You are relying on a boy not yet grown?”

“Huh? No. Norberto, Sylvando. The guy in charge of the theater.”

“Norberto, Don Rodrigo’s son?” she exclaimed. “Are you quite sure?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’d rather talk to him about it first. He doesn’t know I’m looking for work here, yet.”

“I see. Well. If you can get him to come by tomorrow, ah, tomorrow morning? I can be here all day, really. Whenever it’s convenient for him. You’re sure you can get him to come here?”

“Yeah, definitely.” I gave the woman a winning smile. If I was wrong, I wouldn’t be back here, anyway.

  


* * *

  


I asked questions about the theater in town until I got someone to tell me that Sylvando would likely be spending his afternoon at the theater and returning before sunset, so I climbed up on the little wall near the bridge into town and waited for him there.

I saw him before he saw me, and I caught a pensive, almost sad look on his face before he spotted me, and the expression turned to surprise and then delight. “Erik, darling!” he exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air, and I wondered if I needed to brace myself for another hug attack, but he just minced up to me and offered me a hand down from my perch. I decided it would be more awkward to ignore it, so I let him help me down.

The casual physical contact with another human being was a kind of shock after so long on my own.

Of course I’d hugged Mia a few days before, but the visit hadn’t been nearly long enough. She’d acted excited to see me, and then she’d started introducing her new friends to me, and I watched her talking with them and laughing at inside jokes she didn’t bother explaining to me, and I’d started feeling more and more like an extra wheel, like I was getting in the way. I’d try again when it was a scheduled school break, instead of just when I got lonely. Maybe there would be fewer demands on her attention for a little while at that point. Maybe I’d be less of a bother.

But Sylvando’s hug yesterday and the clasp of his hand today woke up something inside of me and reminded me that the happier times in my life had been around other people, not all by myself. 

“Hey, Sylv. Is this a good time?”

“This is a marvelous time. Do you want to come by the house for dinner? I can introduce you to the household, so you don’t have to be shy about coming in the front door next time.”

“Uh…” I ran my hand through my hair. “Dunno if I’m up for meeting the mighty Don Rodrigo right now. I’ve heard he delivers a terrifying scolding.”

Sylv laughed. “That’s not wrong, but he’s usually very cheerful around guests. Especially if you can tell him a story about a good fight. He’d be happy to meet anyone who fought at the side of...his own beloved child.”

I was starting to notice a pattern of odd pauses popping up in Sylvando’s conversations with me. I suspected he’d edited out another reference to Brick there. I thought about telling him not to stress about it on my account, but honestly, I was a little bit grateful for it. It would be easier to hold on to the shreds of my dignity if we could just avoid the subject.

But just because Sylvando was avoiding the subject didn’t mean anyone else would. “Maybe another day?”

“All right. We don’t want to overwhelm you all at once. How about a little picnic dinner down at the beach? Just you and me.”

“Sure. That sounds good.”

“Wonderful! I should pop by the house and let them know not to expect me.”

“I can pick something up in the market and meet you there.”

“Hmm. Why don’t you pick up some bread and something to drink, then, and I’ll bring a main course, okay?”

“Okay.”

I picked a bottle of wine that the merchant assured me was a good casual choice: not too pricey, but not the sort of thing people only guzzled down to get drunk. I broke into the bread while I sat on the beach and waited.

Then Sylv turned up as promised, laughingly scolded me for spoiling my appetite with the bread, and unpacked a basket to set out a blanket, plates, heavy-bottomed glasses that might balance in the sand without spilling, and some kind of cooked fish with stewed vegetables. It was delicious. I supposed he’d had a servant cook it for us, and I shook my head at the extravagance of that.

I got him to tell me about his day at the theater planning and practicing for their upcoming play while we ate, and I’d finished eating by the time he let slip that the old gang had promised to turn up for opening night, a month from now.

I was also a glass of wine in by then, which gave me the tiny edge of reckless courage to dip my toes into that discussion. “How is everyone?” I asked, staring into my glass.

I got one of those careful little pauses in reply, and then, “Good. Everyone’s doing well. Jade and Hendrik are settled in at Heliodor. Rab’s been spending time at Angri-La, teaching. The twins are bouncing between Sniflheim and Arboria, researching this and that magical phenomenon in that part of the world, now that the only major danger in the area is the weather.” Pause. “Brick got married. He’s settled in as a farmer, now.”

I’d known that was coming. I’d certainly had plenty of time to get used to the idea. I still felt it like a punch to the gut. I couldn’t quite think of anything to say, but blessedly, Sylvando kept talking as if it was just one more bit of casual news.

“I’ve gotten letters from all of them in the past month. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you wanted to read any of them.”

“Yeah, thanks,” my mouth said without my conscious input.

Sylvando raised his eyebrows very slightly, but just nodded and continued, “It’s remarkable how much the world is changing since we cleared things up and all the monsters turned sweet, isn’t it? In Puerto Valor alone, knightly training has taken on a stronger reputation of being an art to prove your skill and discipline, rather than really being a bunch of boys trying to psych themselves up to face their own deadly fate. I have to say, I like this way better.”

He chattered on about the town, and Heliodor, and Gondolia, and everywhere else he’d heard news, and I recovered enough to start dropping in my own observations about the cities I’d visited in the past year. Gallopolis, Hotto, some little hamlets elsewhere on that continent. After some hesitation, I finally mentioned my visit to Phnom Non, even though that once again outed me as visiting the vicinity without coming to visit any of my onetime companions. Sylvando continued to do me the kindness of not calling me out on it.

The sun sank past the horizon, and Sylvando let out a dramatic sigh and gestured imploringly at the sky. “Old Señor Sunshine, why must you go to bed while people are still down here having fun? Oh, well, darling, I suppose we should pack up. You’re welcome back up at the house, of course, but I’ll get fussed at if I keep the dirty dishes past the kitchen’s closing time. Even if I try to sneak in and do the wash myself. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“I guess I should turn in, myself. Um...” I hesitated, remembering the casino.

“Tell me I’ll get to see you tomorrow?” Sylvando said. “If you have time in the morning, we could run around town. I know a nice little cafe, and all the best shops, or we maybe could stop in at the casino.”

“Actually, I wanted to ask you a favor,” I said, because I was never in my life going to get a better conversational opening than that. Then I choked on my words, because I absolutely hated asking for favors, at least really significant ones from people who didn’t owe me anything.

“A favor? Name it, darling.”

I felt stupid, but whatever. If he laughed me out of town, I wasn’t any worse off than I’d been two days ago. I got it all out in a rush. “I took an interview at the casino, and they asked for a reference. Would you be willing to go in with me tomorrow and tell them I won’t rob them blind?”

Sylvando gave me a wide-eyed stare for long enough that I looked away, uncomfortable, but then he exclaimed, “Honey, are you thinking of settling down here? In Puerto Valor?”

“Maybe, yeah,” I said, nervously running a hand through my hair. Maybe this was a bad idea. I wasn’t really ready to commit to living near anybody I knew. Especially when I was starting out by asking them for help. Seriously awkward.

But Sylvando clasped his hands over his chest and announced, “Oh, this is the best possible news! I’m so happy, darling! Of course I’ll go with you. What time do you need me?”

“Uh, morning’s good, I guess. If that works for you.”

“Perfect.”

  


* * *

  


True to his word (of course) Sylvando solved my reference problem. My boss-to-be seemed more nervous than I was at the encounter, shaking Sylv’s hand for longer than was reasonable and curling her hair around her finger the rest of the time, and generally hanging on his every word to the point that even I was pretty confident she was star-struck and smitten. I might not have a great track record of judging romantic interest aimed in my direction, or rather, the lack thereof, but watching this play out secondhand, I was fairly sure of my assessment.

Sylvando, of course, shamelessly leaned into that little game, wrapping his embarrassingly overblown praise of my character into a pile of flirting and flattery. “I’ve been humbled to work side by side with Erik. He’s remarkably loyal and steadfast, very competent, and once he makes up his mind to join forces with you, you can rely on him completely. Besides, I’m sure he’ll fit right in with you and all the rest of your beautiful staff and ambiance, don’t you think?” he added with a wink.

The woman’s face was pink by the time Sylvando excused himself and stepped out of the room, and mine probably wasn’t any better. She took a moment to recover. “Well. Well. Oh my. All right, yes, of course, you’ve got the job. Come back and knock on my door tomorrow at noon, and we’ll get things going for you.”

I guessed there were perks to having a good relationship with somebody rich and famous. Then I felt bad for having the thought. Sylv was just good people. I might have actually been more likely to look him up if he was living like a wild man in the forest, I thought, and I felt a little less like a mooch.

I still felt flushed when I stepped out and found Sylvando lingering to chat with one of the serving staff. He said another warm goodbye to whoever it was, probably breaking another heart on his way. Hell, I knew better than to take his baseline casual flirting seriously, and I still caught myself giving him an appreciative once-over after all this.

Speaking of things to nip in the bud. Sylv was so not my type, with his fondness for the spotlight, his preference for an extravagantly wealthy lifestyle, and his inability to be serious about anything, and anyway, after Brick, and Derk before him, I certainly should have learned my lesson a few times over about reading too much into a little kindness.

“Geez, Sylv, I just needed a quick ‘yeah he’s fine,’ not an epic ballad singing my praises,” I said as he rejoined me.

He gave me a rather self-satisfied looking smile, then proclaimed, “I didn’t say a word that wasn’t true, honey. Think you’ve got the job?”

“Yeah. Yeah, she said to report tomorrow. Thanks a lot for your help, Sylv.”

“It was entirely my pleasure. Oh, I’m so excited for you! Have you ever done anything like this before?”

“Had a real job? Where people gave me money on purpose? Not really,” I said, faintly amused to admit it.

“A bold adventure. Oh, do you have a place to stay? We can still put you up at the house, but if you want a place of your very own, I know a few people who might make a good landlord.”

“Yeah, I guess a landlord would be good,” I said. I honestly hadn’t thought about it very hard. When I wanted to pay somebody money for a place to sleep, I’d only ever stayed in inns, and the rest of the time I found some abandoned house or cave with a functional roof. It worked fine.

But that’s not what normal people were supposed to do, was it? Sylv kept inviting me to his fancy mansion. I couldn’t return the favor by asking him to stop by some windy hovel. If he got involved in a landlord search, at least I could blame any weird features of my home on his influence, and it would probably be fine.

So I let him steer me around town, and I ended up making a deal for a little one-room apartment that same day on the strength of my promised casino salary and, once again, Sylvando’s embarrassing praise for my virtue and reliability.

  


* * *

  


I stood inside my new home, keys in hand, and looked around. It was small compared to Sylvando’s room, or even Brick’s house in Cobblestone. I sighed, banishing that thought. It was still nicer than any space I’d called my own. There weren’t any holes in the walls, and the fading blue paint on the door and window added a nice bit of color, and it even had a tiny stove in the corner.

“Great! Now I have a nice fancy place to invite you over, too,” I joked to Sylv to cover my self-consciousness.

“It’s better than a lot of places I’ve lived,” Sylvando said, shocking me for a minute. 

“What?” I said stupidly.

He glanced at me and gave me a little smile. “I might have been born in a fancy house, but I’ve lived as many years of my life on the outside of it as I have inside, you know. Running away from home to become a novice entertainer isn’t the most lucrative life choice.”

“Oh.”

“The first place I lived where I had my own private space was somebody’s storage closet. I was still growing at the time, so when I moved in, I could just barely lie down and rest my feet against the far wall, but by the time I moved out, I had to curl my legs up in order to sleep.”

I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to offer sympathy to that, but I didn’t really have any. “I crashed in a place like that, once,” I said instead. “Only it wasn’t exactly mine. I spent the night inside a nobleman’s wardrobe once on a dare, and then later on I went back for a whole week when I needed a place to lie low and I was sick of the rain.”

“Hmm. You know, I’d love to hear some stories featuring a thief, sometime, if you’ve heard of any. Of course, I can’t exactly condone lawbreaking, not after an upbringing like mine, but I’m always interested in a thrilling story of pure fiction, and that’s always been one of my secret favorite genres.”

I looked at him sideways, trying to figure out if this was a joke, but he seemed genuine about his interest, and after all, I’d never really dwelt on the thievery aspect of my past adventures in front of Brick or the rest of his virtuous crew. “I might have heard one or two. Maybe you can trade a story about a runaway rich kid starting a new life,” I said.

“Maybe I can.” Sylv folded an arm across his chest and curled the other hand in front of his mouth for a moment, then opened the hand like he was letting go of another secret. “You know, I don’t believe I’ve ever told anyone about the closet, before. I’m afraid most people would make too big a thing of it. Poor Sylv, so sorry. But honestly, it was a good closet. It was a moment in my life where I was certain I could make it on my own. I was a tiny bit sorry the day I left the place behind.”

“Guess I can think of a hundred nights, easy, when a closet would have been an upgrade. Like that time on the Snaerfelt when we lost a tent, and we all had to cram into the other one, and we said it was just as well because we still almost froze, even all huddled together…”

I trailed off as I remembered waking up wrapped protectively around the Luminary, and Serena making an innocent-faced comment about how nice it would have been to sleep with a warm brick under the covers. I never had figured out if she was even conscious of the pun, much less whether she meant to tease me with it, but Veronica and Sylv had both looked right at me with varying degrees of amusement. I hadn’t minded, exactly, because right after that, Brick woke up and smiled, and I’d still thought that meant something.

Here in the tiny apartment, Sylvando didn’t bring up that particular subject, bless him. He just took one of those tiny pauses, which I guessed made sense, since I’d been pretty blatantly veering off from any discussion of our travels together, and he said, “The downside in such a small space would be that you might get stuck between Rab and Hendrik. Can you imagine? Their snoring going right into both of your ears.”

I laughed with genuine amusement as well as relief at the relatively safe subject. “I don’t know if there are earplugs strong enough for that.”

Sylv laughed with me, then gestured towards me, stopping just short of touching me on the shoulder. “Well, speaking of sleeping, do you need some furnishings? I can show you a good carpenter.”

“I dunno. I’ll pick up my things from the inn in a little bit. Might just use my bedroll while I figure out what I really want in the long run.” I didn’t say that I didn’t have the cash on hand to feel comfortable spending it on furniture. Or that I still felt a little nervous when I thought about committing to more than a month here.

Sylvando nodded like that was a reasonable choice, and I felt a little bit less self-conscious. “Maybe another day? Let me know.”

“Yeah, I will. Thanks, Sylv. I really appreciate your help today.”

Sylvando smiled at me like I’d just given him a magical wish-granting kitten. “It was very much my pleasure, darling. I’m so thrilled that we’re going to be neighbors. I hope I’ll be seeing a lot more of you. Please, let me know if you need anything at all.”

“Thanks, Sylv,” I said again, but suddenly it was a little too much, and I felt the need to be alone. “Listen, I have some errands I want to get to today. Maybe I’ll look you up tomorrow night, or the day after, depending on the work thing?”

“Sure, honey, that sounds good. I’ll get out of your hair.”

We said our goodbyes, and I managed to keep my smile on until I shut the door behind him, and then I shook my head and leaned against the wall.

I barely understood what I’d come here looking for. I wouldn’t have said that Sylvando and I were ever really friends. Friendly, yes, by the end, and someone I’d grown to respect, even to like a little bit, but not someone I would have sought out to spend time with of my own accord. I’d stopped sniping at him after I got used to him, but I didn’t really tend to initiate any casual conversations with him. And after the stunt I’d pulled, avoiding everyone for years with no goodbye and no contact, he would have been justified in giving me a cool reception.

But he was treating me like a long-lost friend, or even family. Like he’d wished for my return almost like...well, the closest comparison I could make was the way I’d longed to have Mia back in my life for five long years. Not exactly the same, I was sure, but something closer to that than I would have imagined.

I had no idea how to feel about it. I kept bouncing between a warm, fuzzy feeling and, nonsensically, the brink of tears. Maybe I just was having trouble believing that it was real, that there was a person in the world besides Mia who cared if I came or went right now.

But if I’d ever been able to read Sylvando at all, I couldn’t think that he was faking his enthusiasm. He might exaggerate a positive response in order to tease somebody, but he had tells that signaled when he was doing that, and I hadn’t spotted anything like that from him. Strange as it seemed to me, I believed he was genuinely delighted to see me. 

Maybe this whole thing wasn’t a terrible idea. Maybe I could live here like a normal person, doing normal things, and make a normal friend. Maybe I could have a shot at a normal sort of happiness.


	2. Chapter 2

The uniform felt odd, as I’d more or less expected. Something about putting on a new suit of clothes that nobody had ever worn before always struck me as peculiar, like I was putting on a disguise.

Besides, I’d never really had brand new clothes except for the ones Brick had made for me, with an eye for detail that no one would ever have guessed once they heard his name. They’d been so precisely tailored for me that a year into my travels with Mia, I’d started to feel like they were trying to slowly strangle me until I finally realized that, all my morose superstitions aside, I’d actually grown just a little broader across the shoulders and the clothing didn’t quite fit anymore.

I’d bought something nondescript and serviceable at a shop and stashed those other clothes in a cave near Hotto, making my own little hidden treasure. I’d tried to draw myself a treasure map, but then I’d gotten it damp in the swamp and ruined the drawing, so I’d have to wander in blind if I ever went back for them. I wondered if I might end up leaving them there, and some other adventurer would find them a hundred years from now.

But having someone else hand over a new outfit made just for me made me think of Brick and put me in a melancholy mood.

“Hope it’s okay that these are used,” said my new co-worker as he demonstrated how to tie the bow-tie.

I blinked, laughed at my own faulty assumption, and fell out of my funk. “Nah, that’s fine. I usually buy secondhand anyway.”

  


* * *

  


My first afternoon on the floor was energizing. It was like the first time I’d broken into a nobleman’s house, following Derk’s foolproof plan he’d gotten by bribing an underpaid door guard. Charging boldly into the unknown, but with enough of a map to get the job done in style. I didn’t make the comparison until afterwards, so the thought of Derk didn’t have a chance to sour my mood, either.

This time, the noblemen handed over their purses with a smile. Well, their tokens, and it was occasionally with a curse, but it still felt like a pretty good trick. I managed not to flub the rules, and I restrained myself from trying any of the fancy shuffling tricks I’d just barely started to learn about, so I didn’t embarrass myself by dropping a deck or anything.

The other staff who shared my shift invited me out for drinks afterwards, including the girl I’d met on the first day. It was a weird experience for me, joining a big group of people who clearly already knew each other and had established a good working relationship. I’d never been one for big groups, and the only time I’d been part of one, I’d gotten in on the ground floor. Brick was my companion, first, before the rest of the group joined us one by one.

Once again, I dragged my head out of the past and tried to pay attention to the people around me. The girl I’d met that first day in the casino sat next to me and kept leaning too close, acting a little too interested, so I started watching for a polite way to let her know I wasn’t interested.

“I saw quite a few ladies flocking to your table this evening. Bet you’re only going to get more popular. Think you can handle a lot of flirting coming your way?” she said.

“Doesn’t bother me. I might even be interested if it was a good looking guy.” That was half true. I’d never gotten seriously interested in anyone that way, good looking or otherwise, until after they started calling me their best mate, but it was fun when I noticed I’d caught someone’s eye.

At any rate, my comment did the job of getting her to cool her advances. She gave me a surprised look, then a crooked smile, and she started talking to me a little differently. I was pleased that she was still willing to act friendly, and the rest of the group wasn’t bad, either. 

They invited me for their weekly outing, apparently a long-standing thing with the daytime shift. I accepted with a smile. Easy enough to make promises to strangers. If I stayed in town that long, I might as well try to build up some allies. If I didn’t, well, I was an expert at burning bridges.

  


* * *

  


I saw Sylv again after my second day of work. I ran into him as I left the casino, because he was standing around outside chatting with a couple of tourists, but he broke away and invited me to a restaurant. “We should celebrate your second day, darling!” he said.

That was as pleasant an outing as the others I’d spent in his company, and a cut above the big co-worker gathering. Nice to be able to skip the question of whether we’d be able to stand each other’s presence after knowing each other for longer than a week.

He asked about my time in the casino, coaxing out details with such persistence that I managed to believe he actually wanted to know everything about it, and I finally started volunteering detail by the time I got to telling him about the afterparty.

In return, I got a few stories out of him about odd jobs he’d done when he’d first started out on his own in the entertainment business. Scrubbing dishes, heavy lifting. Familiar work, but after spending my childhood being coerced into doing it day and night, I’d always rebelled at the idea of seeking out those sorts of jobs voluntarily, and the two times I’d gotten desperate enough to ask for the work, I’d been rejected, because who wanted to hire the strange kid from out of town?

I told Sylv about all that on an impulse. He gave me a long, solemn look, but only said, “I’m glad you have the chance to choose something different, now.”

  


* * *

  


I made it through a week in Puerto Valor, and then another.

For the first time in my life, I started to develop a routine. I had more or less the same shifts each week, and the same two days off in the middle of the week. The only other time I’d had any regularity remotely like that in my schedule was when I’d paid close attention to the changing of the guard in the vicinity of upper Heliodor, because there’d been a household that got into the habit of leaving their trash out back overnight for a few months, and there was often perfectly good food or usable items to be found in the pile if you were willing to hop the fence.

I got paid once a week. I spent a little cash from the first payday on some cheap used furniture, a wobbly basic table and stools and a cot, and some battered cookware, the sort of stuff that somebody had probably almost used for firewood and scrap. I could have afforded slightly better, but I was running a little closer to the edge with my funds than I really liked, especially now that I had a home with a lock and key.

Not that I wanted to stash any major valuables there, because I knew how easy it would be for me to break into my own home if I wanted to, but in retrospect, it wasn’t much worse than hiding my prized possessions in a garbage heap.

I kept attending the post-work gatherings, tickled by the novelty of being accepted at face value by a group of law-abiding citizens. When they asked about my history, I told them I’d been a treasure hunter. It was technically a true story. Some of my treasure hunting hadn’t even been for other people’s property.

And I kept seeing Sylvando. It happened at odd times for a little while, whenever one of us successfully guessed that the other would be free. Then sometime in my second week in town, we ended up formalizing a regular night to meet up, plus a system for sending each other notes for more spur of the moment invitations. I finally agreed to meet Servantes, which made it easier to coordinate with Sylv, but I only went in the house once in a while to take an early or late dinner with Sylv in his room, not really prepared to meet his dad over some long, formal meal.

Sylv offered again to let me see the letters from our old team. I took the stack in my hands, and I scanned the first line of Serena’s neat, rounded handwriting, and I could almost hear her familiar voice in my head, and then I couldn’t look at it any more. My eyes refused to focus on the page and the paper felt dangerous in my hands and my nerves were telling me it might be a good time to climb out the window. “Maybe another time,” I said, and I looked away as I handed the letters back to him.

  


* * *

  


After my second payday, I ran into Sylv during my morning shopping.

“Hey, Sylv! Guess who made it through another payday.”

“Is it you? Am I speaking to an established representative of our city’s most famous institution?”

“Heh. If you wanna call the casino that. I’ve been here long enough I’m getting the impression the most famous institution might be either your theater or your house.”

“Ah, but the theater is new, and the house is old. The casino is the thing that’s famous around the world and draws people from far and wide to visit and deposit their money in our town. My theater will get there, but its growing fame is going to piggyback on the casino traffic for a while, I think.”

“Huh. Never thought of that.”

“So what are you going to do now that you’re rich, darling?”

It wasn’t a wildly impressive sum, now that I’d handled the money for Mia’s schooling, but it felt like a small fortune after living with light pockets for months. Much more than I needed to survive. I felt a rare impulse to splurge on something useless.

“Maybe I’ll dress up and act like one of these silly rich tourists for a night. Hey, wanna join me? Seems like your kind of thing. My treat.” Maybe it wasn’t completely useless. I could pay him back a little for his hospitality.

Sylvando raised his eyebrows at me, then smiled. “Oh, honey, that does sound like fun! When do you want to do it?”

“I’m off tomorrow.”

“Okay. It’s a date,” he said, and I smirked and rolled my eyes a little at his habit of making everything sound flirtatious all the time. “Come pick me up at the house a couple hours after my theater practice.”

  


* * *

  


I didn’t figure out why he wanted the extra time until I met him the next day. He came downstairs in the mansion wearing a long, flowing tunic in a sky blue color with flowery embroidery around the neck and the cuffs of the sleeves, and he’d done something with his hair. A pair of tiny braids started at his forehead and were pulled back to meet in the back of his head, making a kind of crown, and tiny blue flowers studded the length of the braids. I’d spent a while in Mia’s company watching some of her new friends working little braids into her hair, so I knew that was some kind of time and effort, and I didn’t want to think about the work it must have added to include the flowers.

I glanced down at my own outfit, mentally contrasting. I’d just worn the simple slacks and shirt from my work uniform, replacing the standard black vest with what I thought was a reasonably nice new blue one I’d picked up that morning. I’d undone the top two buttons on the white undershirt, never quite used to a warm climate and not wanting to sweat like a pig. But now I felt rather careless and uninspired.

“I think I’m a little underdressed,” I admitted as Sylvando walked up to me.

“Oh, not at all, darling,” he said, giving me a polite once-over. “Sometimes the best accessory to a perfect getup is a man dressed simply but sharply,” he added with a wink.

I snorted, apprehension replaced with amusement. “Okay, fine. Where do you want your accessory to take you?”

“I thought we could go to the new place with the balcony that looks out at the beach. We’re early enough that we might get seats outside to watch the sunset, if you don’t mind taking our time.”

“Sure.” We stepped outside. I glanced once more at Sylvando’s elaborate hairstyle while I waited for him to close the door and catch up. Now that I wasn’t worried about my own getup, it was nice to look at. Curious, I asked, “What kind of flowers are those?”

I got one of those loaded little pauses. “They’re forget-me-nots. They’re one of the smallest flowers I know of around here, and I thought they’d work with the smaller braids.”

“Oh. They’re nice,” I said, wondering if the name was supposed to be symbolic of anything, but not really prepared to ask. I was slowly feeling like more and more of an idiot for staying away from everyone so long, so if this was a hint that I’d better not bug out again, I didn’t need to hear it right now.

We got the good seats, and I paid up front for the fanciest, most expensive offering. The chef’s choice tapas turned out to be a long series of little plates with various kinds of carefully arranged food delivered slowly over the course of our visit.

“It’s traditional to pay afterwards,” Sylv told me when the host left us alone for a moment. “Not that anyone will mind, but I figured you might like to know.”

“Oh. Like a bar tab.”

“Hmm, I guess so. Speaking of, what did you want to drink?”

I shrugged. I’d splurged a few other times in other parts of the world, but I hardly knew how to judge the quality of alcohol besides the price, especially in this town where everything was still a little unfamiliar. Might as well take advantage of dining with a trustworthy local. “You pick.”

They brought out the plates one or two at a time. I felt brave and adventurous, tasting brightly colored sauces over potatoes, until I hit one that was too spicy. “Agh, who thought that one was a good idea?” I muttered, grabbing for my drink.

“Oh, dear. Try some bread, darling. The drink will just slosh the spicy flavor around the rest of your mouth.

I followed his advice, my eyes watering while I tried to scrub the spice off my tongue with the bland follow-up. It helped. A little.

Then they brought another dish, this one with a fried egg and meat over potatoes. “The yolks will be runny, is that okay with you?” Sylv asked. “Or you can take some of the ham and potatoes before the yolks break.”

I eyed the ham suspiciously. “Is that meat even cooked?”

“Not with heat. It’s dry-cured.”

I shook my head and carefully extracted some of the fried potatoes from underneath the rest. 

Sylv gave me a little amused smile. “I was a little surprised when you ordered the tapas meal. There’s going to be quite a variety of interesting foods.”

“Yeah, well, why do you think I brought you along?” I said, choosing banter as always over getting into the reasons I was a picky eater, or admitting that I had no idea what I was doing with the menu, and I nudged the plate towards him. He laughed, dipped his head in acknowledgement, and he reached over to save me from the weird local specialty.

It wasn’t the last dish I couldn’t make myself try, but there were plenty of dishes that I could recognize as being worth eating, even if they were all a little fancier in their arrangement on the plate than anything I would have made. I let Sylv taste everything first to warn me about spicy flavors or odd textures, and I let him take care of the snails and hot peppers and cold tomato soup, and I filled up on the slice of omelette, and the breaded and fried fish, and the olives and cheese and nuts.

After we established the strategy for dividing the food, it was another enjoyable evening. We told each other more stories of our respective past professional adventures. As usual in a public space with Sylv, I carefully edited mine as though I was talking about a character in a book, so that nobody who overheard would feel compelled to call for the guards. 

By the time they started bringing us desserts, I’d relaxed enough to feel very fancy indeed with the abundance of tiny foods, the careful-mannered waiter, the perfect view, and the colorful drinks.

“This is our third round tonight,” I declared a while later. “Am I drunker than I think I am? I don’t feel drunk.”

“Well, honey, I’d be surprised if you did. These aren’t alcoholic.”

“Oh.”

“Are you disappointed?”

“Well, no. Just surprised. We usually end up with wine.”

“Sometimes I think good company is relaxing enough. Most of the time, honestly. Besides, well…”

This time there was definitely a noticeable pause. “Yeah?” I prompted.

“I don’t want to menace a perfectly wonderful evening with a serious subject, but there was something I wanted to ask you about, and I didn’t want you to be drunk when I did.”

“Oh. Okay. Uh, shoot,” I said, because terrifying as that statement was, it wasn’t going to get any better for sitting there unfinished.

“I think I mentioned that my play is starting up soon, right? It’s just over a couple of weeks from now.”

“Right. I remember.”

“Well, I might have mentioned that the old gang has promised to be there for opening night.”

Unbelievably, I had forgotten this. A finger of dread stroked down my spine.

“So, I was wondering how you felt about the idea of seeing everyone then,” he continued.

“I…” I stared out at the sea, probably still revealing way too much with my face in profile.

“You don’t have to, of course, if you don’t want to right now. You don’t even have to decide tonight.”

I looked down through the balcony railing at the sand below us. “I don’t think I can, tonight,” I admitted, feeling like a coward.

“All right. But then, the other thing is, I’m just slightly past due to write my letters for them. I did promise them all that they’d get one more letter from me before I saw them in person.” He waited for a moment, then added, “I’d like to mention you, but I don’t want to share more than you’re comfortable with.”

“Mm.” I ran a hand through my hair.

Sylv let me think about it, then said, “If nothing else, can I say that I’ve seen you alive and well?”

I sighed. “Yeah. Sure. That’s fine. Sorry. I know it’s a terrible position to put you in, but I just, I don’t know.”

“It’s okay, darling. I know they’ll be curious, but they’ll definitely be glad to hear you’re okay.” From the corner of my eye, I saw him fidgeting with his glass. “You know, if you ever want to talk about it, I’d be happy to listen.”

I ran my hand through my hair again, then fumbled for my glass just to be doing something else with my hands. “Thanks,” I mumbled.

Sylvando went quiet for a moment, I guess just in case I wanted to take him up on his offer then and there. Then he said, “Anyway, I’ll ask you again a couple days before they come into town, and I’ll just keep an extra ticket set aside for you, too, in case you want it. But that’s all I needed to say about it tonight. Sorry to bring up something heavy in the middle of a perfectly pleasant evening. We ought to be paying more attention to this gorgeous sky, eh?”

My eyes were watering, and my throat was tight. I took a few gulps of my drink, and I blinked at the sunset shimmering over the wet sand. “The trick is remembering to look away often enough that you don’t hurt your eyes,” I managed, although I was pretty sure my vaguely implied excuse for the tears in my eyes was flimsy as the mock armor Sylvando had shown me among his theater costumes.

He let me have it. “Let me know if you overdo it. It’s better not to hurt yourself in the first place, but if you do, I can try a little healing magic.”

“Mm.”

We sat quietly for a few moments longer before Sylv changed the subject and chattered on about nothing of consequence until I recovered enough to pay attention to him again, and the waiter brought out a selection of desserts, and by the time we left, I’d regained most of the cheer of the evening.

  


* * *

  


A few days later, after a more casual lunch in Sylv’s company and having walked him home afterwards, I accidentally ran into the famed Don Rodrigo for the first time. I was leaving the manor, and I glanced up as he approached, and it was impossible to mistake him for anyone else, between the family resemblance and the fancy tabard. It was also impossible to pretend I hadn’t seen him, because our eyes met, and he lifted his head in apparent recognition.

“Ah, I wonder if you are the one my Norberto keeps talking about? Erik?”

“Uh. What’s he been saying?”

He chuckled. “Not much. Only that he met you during the years he was away from home, and that you’ve fought side by side many times on the road. And ‘don’t expect me tonight, I’m off to visit with Erik.’ I keep telling him he should invite you to come by for dinner. I promise I don’t bite. In fact, tomorrow evening we will have paella, and it would be an excellent time for you to join us, no?”

“Uh. Yes, sir,” I said, because I couldn’t figure out any other polite escape from the conversation.

“Very good! We’ll look forward to having you.” The moustache hid the corners of his mouth, but I could see the smile in his eyes, and it put me in mind of Sylv again.

As I moved on down the street, I thought that that wasn’t the only way he reminded me of Sylv. The habit of pushing people into doing something that he thought would be to everyone’s benefit, that was something I’d seen Sylv do more than once. I was a little surprised to realize how little Sylv had been pushing me that way, lately. Maybe he was giving me special treatment. Or maybe he’d gotten tired of his old man doing it to him, and he’d decided to mellow out a little.

I thought about skipping the dinner, but if I was going to keep showing up on Sylv’s doorstep, that seemed like a disastrous plan, whereas attending was only a little bit terrifying. So I decided to dress up in the nice vest again, but in the end, I also wore boots so I could hide some extra daggers in them. Not that I remotely expected to need weapons. I just felt a tiny bit more secure when I had them on my person, and I needed all the confidence boosters I could get.

  


* * *

  


Sylv greeted me at the front door. “Erik, darling! Welcome, come in!” He put a friendly hand on my shoulder to guide me through the door, and he leaned close so he could say in a lower voice, “Sorry you got bullied by my papi. But it really won’t be that bad. If you get nervous, you can always just talk about weaponry and he'll carry the conversation on his own for an hour.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. He gave me a smile and a wink before leading me into the dining hall.

I almost froze when I walked inside. A house had no business having such a massive table filling it up. I took a rough count of the chairs and thought there must be room for at least forty people. There were a number of people clustered near one end right then, and the rest of the chairs sat empty.

“Everybody, this is Erik!” Sylv called in a singsong voice. He waited for a chorus of greetings, then started introducing people in groups. Three of them were part of the household staff, and for an instant I was mildly surprised to realize that they ate meals together with Sylv and his papi instead of just serving them. There were also half a dozen boys and young men staying in the house to train under Don Rodrigo in hopes of becoming squires or knights, and one other established caballero who helped somehow with the training process.

“I didn’t realize you trained anyone so young,” I said as Sylv steered me to the seat at the end of the table between him and his father. I eyed the very polite and quiet boys a few seats down, where they sat in arm’s reach of fresh bread and didn’t take any until after I sat down and Don Rodrigo nodded at them. 

“Sí, some families have traditions about becoming knights, and some boys are willing to commit to learning the discipline of a caballero at a younger age. It is not possible to wield a grown man’s greatsword at that size, but there is much they can learn before then. Do you know of Sir Hendrik of Heliodor?”

“Yeah, I’ve, uh, met him.” I glanced at Sylv, appreciating again how seriously he’d taken my desire for privacy. I knew Brick, Hendrik and Rab had spoken with his father in the past, and I supposed they would say hello when they came to visit, so Sylv must have decided not to link me to that group in his papi’s mind in order to make sure he didn’t give up my presence, either.

“Ah, then you know that Hendrik is a bear of a man. He was a bear of a boy when he came to me, too. No, no, I shouldn’t say ‘boy’. A young man. Same as these young gentlemen here.” He nodded to the teenagers who sat across from the younger boys. “You know how we old men are. Nearly everyone looks like a boy to us. Isn’t that right, boy?” he said to Sylvando.

“Yes, Papi,” Sylv agreed, smiling.

“So, even for his age, he was taller than most grown men when he came to me. My Norberto hardly came up to his waist back then.”

“Oh, Papi. Not this one again.”

“Hush, Norberto. Let your old man enjoy telling the same stories to a new audience. Isn’t that in the spirit of your theater?”

Sylvando laughed. “Well, when you put it that way, who am I to argue? All right, I’ll be a good little boy. Please tell your very interesting story, Papi.”

Rodrigo grunted, or maybe it was a laugh. “Good. Well, young Hendrik had gotten some training in weaponry, of course, being a young man in King Carnelian’s care, and His Majesty has always valued a strong military. But Hendrik had a habit of winning his fights using brute force rather than strategy. I set him to demonstrate his skills with another boy his age, and he simply plowed forward with no thought or cunning. Bad news for anyone standing still in front of him, and many of the squires were immediately intimidated by him, but someone with eyes and a brain could see his moves ten steps ahead.”

“And fortunately for you, you had someone on hand full of smug, boyish pride instead of the common sense to be afraid of a lucky hit from the bear.”

“Here, now, are you jealous of my very interesting story, Norberto? I could let you tell it this once, if you are so eager.”

“No, Papi. Please continue,” Sylv said, exaggeratedly meek.

“Very well. Yes, Norberto was much smaller, just a scrap of a boy, then, but I had already been training him in the other things a boy can learn besides how to hit something as hard as possible. He was always quick to pick up any new thing, and he was more than ready to see how a bear would move, especially after three days of watching him practice. Of course, none of Hendrik’s peers from Heliodor could best him, and he was beginning to hound me for training in larger weaponry without truly mastering the sword. So I called Norberto forward to spar with him.”

Motion caught my eye, and I noticed the younger boys, who had been eerily prim and proper up until now, were leaning around each other to listen to the story, already grinning. I wondered how many times Sylv’s father had used this story to get young boys to work harder at whatever hard training he wanted them to do.

“Of course, Hendrik tried to argue that it was unjust for him to fight such a smaller opponent. But Norberto said, ‘If you’re planning to surrender to every smaller opponent, you’re never going to win a single fight.’ That stung his pride enough to get him to give it a fair try. Of course, he tried the same brute force method, and Norberto just danced out of the way and tapped him with his own little practice sword. Dodged and tapped him three times, just to show off, before going in for the finish.”

“You’ll never believe it, but I loved making a dramatic scene back then,” Sylv said, tilting his cheek into his hand.

“Can’t imagine,” I said with a crooked smile.

Rodrigo chuckled. “Knocked poor Hendrik down a couple pegs. Which was exactly what I needed. He was much easier to teach with a touch of humility. I got to make him into a proper knight in record time.”

“I’m surprised he liked you after that,” I said to Sylv.

“Oh, he was a good natured soldier boy,” Sylv answered. “He respected anyone who was competent with a sword, and all the more if they ever showed some skill he didn’t have. Probably why he’s always gotten along so well with my papi, here.”

“Hm. Speaking of which, Erik, Norberto said you’ve fought at his side, but he didn’t give me the details. What is your weapon of choice? Do you use a sword?” Rodrigo asked me.

“Ah...yeah, sometimes. I only carry knives these days, but I used to use swords some of the time.”

“Oh? Where did you learn?”

“Um. I kind of taught myself, mostly.” I thought back to my first stolen sword and the little scar on my leg from when I’d gotten too enthusiastic with it. “At least until I met Sylv. He taught me a lot of better techniques.”

“You just needed a few little adjustments and then you took right off. Papi, he’s faster than anyone else I’ve seen.”

“Indeed? Would you be up for a demonstration later?”

“Uh…” I looked at Sylv for help, not loving the idea of trying to use my own combat skills to impress someone even Hendrik looked up to for weapons skill.

“Oh, Papi, let’s not drag our guests into the practice ring when they only came over for dinner.”

“Of course, of course. Some other time, maybe. We’ll be heading to Heliodor soon, but we’ll be back next year.”

“Heliodor? Next year?” I said, stunned and alarmed at the sudden prospect of Sylv leaving town for a significant period of time. Living in this town without him for months on end suddenly sounded like a drab, painful existence.

“Papi and his trainees,” Sylv explained. “They’re going to go do a cross training thingy with the soldiers there through the winter. They’re just staying long enough for the opening night of the play before they take off.”

“Oh. Okay,” I said, as if they needed my permission. As if I wasn’t weak with relief.

I let Sylv turn the conversation to their winter training plans. I only half listened, because I was still reeling from the new understanding that somehow Sylv had already become so important to me that I viscerally hated the idea of not seeing him for months. When had I become so dependent on being around a friendly face? I hadn’t been particularly happy on my own, but I’d been all right.

When I left that night, I looked down to navigate the stairs in the path away from the manor, and I snorted at the sight of my own boots. Turned out, I’d escaped combat, and the menacing Don Rodrigo had turned out to be almost as friendly as his son, in his own way. The only thing that had really scared me was the idea of feeling alone again, and secret weaponry was pretty useless against that.


	3. Chapter 3

I managed to put the pending theater event out of my mind most of the time, focusing on my new life, because that was about all the socialization I could manage to think about. Shopkeepers, casino, co-workers, Sylv.

It was nice having a routine that involved paying for my produce at the market every morning instead of trying to swipe it unseen or hunting down an unfamiliar merchant for travel rations. I got to know three shopkeepers by sight, and then by name. I hadn’t even been so friendly with my fence in Heliodor, because Derk loved the haggling so much that I always left him to it.

The casino itself was fine. The guests were generally well-behaved and happy enough to be there, except when they were bummed about scheduling their vacations at the wrong time to catch the play at the theater.

We had a quiet moment now and then on the casino floor, and the only other man on the staff who ever subbed for one of the girls as a dealer started showing me tips and tricks for how to make a better show with the cards. He was watching when I managed my first successful cascade shuffle, letting the cards merge in midair while I dropped them from one hand into the other, and he whistled his approval.

Our weekly co-worker bar outing was that same night, and that same guy drank so much I got a little worried and agreed to walk him home when he asked me. I figured making sure he got home safely was a nice gesture for me to repay him for his help.

I’d misjudged his intention, and there on his doorstep, I suffered the second-worst drunken kiss from a near-stranger I’d ever received. Goddess only knew what kind of face I made while I turned him around and prompted him to head inside without me.

I guessed some people must get a kick out of kissing a stranger. Startling and squishy was all it ever seemed to me. I always imagined it must be different with someone I actually wanted, but who knew. Maybe I just wasn’t meant to be a kisser.

Fortunately, when I saw him in the casino again the next day, he was either as willing as I was to pretend it had never happened, or he’d been too drunk to remember anything. 

I told Sylv about it a day later, while we had another picnic at the beach. I’d gotten relaxed enough in his company that it was second nature to try and spin it into a story for both of us to laugh at. “It was like getting jumped by a squid kid.”

“Oh, how dreadful,” Sylvando said, placing the back of his hand dramatically across his forehead. "I guess I'm lucky I'm tall, so most people can't stealth kiss me unless they bring a stool."

I laughed. I eyed the space between us, and I almost commented that he’d better still keep an eye out while he was sitting down, but I managed to catch the dumb idea and keep it stuffed behind my teeth, so he wouldn’t mistakenly think I was contemplating the logistics of kissing him for any reason other than following where the joke led.

  


* * *

  


I filled in my extra time by exploring the area on my own. Sure, I’d gotten tired of being totally on my own, but I didn’t mind a little bit of solitude in my day, and I liked to know the lay of the land anywhere I was going to spend some time. I learned the beach, the cliffs, the low mountains and fields. There were some interesting spots in the rocky terrain bordering the wide fields outside Puerto Valor where I thought there might be caves, and I still had a lingering fondness for finding secret places.

At odd moments during those quiet walks, I kept toying with the idea of going to Sylv’s opening night and meeting up with the old gang, but I could only stand to look at the idea for a few seconds at a time before dread overtook me. I couldn’t. It was too much. I rarely even got as far as picturing what might happen before I started to panic about it, so I kept not thinking about it, instead.

  


* * *

  


Not much changed on that front by the time Sylvando gave me my two day advance notice. “Maybe. No. Probably not,” I said.

“Okay. You’re welcome if you change your mind.”

I went into the casino to ask to shift around my schedule.

“That’s the day the play starts,” my boss protested. “We’re likely to be extra busy earlier in the day while it’s showing, because it will bring more people to town.”

“I can work extra later that week. As much as you want. I just need that day off, and the day after.” I really didn’t want to have the party show up unexpectedly while I was working.

I got my schedule adjustment, and then it was the big day. I slept restlessly, woke up early, said a silent apology to Sylvando, and I headed out of town and into the hills.

I spent the morning wandering, feeling halfway safe and all the way alone. The only saving grace was the nice weather. That, and I saw a group of kids during my trek away from town. They were busy shaking a tree to try to get the fruit to fall down, and I smiled. It reminded me of a time with Mia that we’d found a berry patch during the short northern summer, and I’d told her they were candy bushes, because after the same boring rations we always got from the Vikings, it was the most amazing thing we’d eaten that year.

I kept an eye out for other wild food, and I found a tree of the same sort that the children had visited. Wild peaches. I climbed into the branches, picked a couple pieces of the higher-up fruit, and stashed them in my bag. I ate one before I climbed down, and it was excellent, but it made me a little melancholy that I didn’t have anyone to share them with. Maybe I’d come back tomorrow and pick some to take back to Sylv.

I circled around to the northwest side of the fields in the late afternoon, following the cliff wall and looking for odd nooks and crannies. I found a couple little curves in the wall that almost qualified as interesting places, and then I found an opening to what seemed to be a real, proper cave.

I entered cautiously, hand on my knife. Sure, we’d stopped the thing that was making all the monsters so aggressive, but it was still possible to surprise one and have it try to eat your face in self-defense. I quietly looked into the cave, and I saw movement, and I tightened my grip on the knife just in case I had to do something with it.

Then I heard a chorus of yelps, and I abruptly let go of the knife and held up my hands, because the occupants of the cave were a bunch of kids. Four kids. I thought it was the same group I’d seen earlier in the day.

“Hey, sorry. Didn’t mean to barge in on you,” I said in my best friendly, reassuring tone.

“Who are you?” demanded a girl who was maybe just a few years younger than Mia.

“What do you want?” said a boy somewhere close to her age. The two speakers jumped up and stepped protectively in front of the other, smaller children.

I blinked at the aggressive reception. Most of the kids I’d seen in town were either friendly or shy, not unwelcoming. I took a closer look at them. They wore clothes with a significant number of holes, and their hair was long and unkempt. Pretty much looked like I had by the time I first got to Heliodor. Like any street kids who didn’t have someone looking out for them.

I liked them immediately.

“Name’s Erik. I was just exploring. This your cave?” I didn’t get an answer, just cautious stares. “It’s a nice cave. It’s obviously yours, though. Any idea if there are other caves I should go looking for if I want one of my own?”

One of the littler kids leaned around the legs of the older girl. “This is the best one!”

“Shh,” hissed the girl in front of her. She glared at me and said, “She’s right. There’s nothing good over here. Try east, by the coast.”

“Okay. I’ll do that. Thanks for the tip,” I said, using my calmest voice, the one I remembered using when Mia had nightmares. “Hey, but before I go, I’ve been out walking all day and my pack’s feeling heavier than I thought it would. You guys want a snack? I’m tired of carrying it, but I don’t want to waste it.”

The second smallest child perked up and poked his head around the older boy. I watched the older boy look down with a frown, then turn the same face on me. But none of them said no.

I opened my pack and pulled out the bundle of cheese, bread, and sausage that I’d brought for my dinner. I held it in front of me, wondering if I was going to have to leave it on the ground, but the older kids glanced at each other, and then the boy stepped up to me. He took my offering, then retreated with a muttered, “Thanks,” watching me the whole while.

“Nah, thank you. You’re doing me a favor.” I took a moment to inspect the rest of the cave, and I spotted some sticks, some seashells and braided grass. Little kids’ treasures.

I also saw a pile of blankets, and I decided that my suspicion was confirmed. These kids were living here, probably on their own. They looked like they were doing more or less okay for themselves, I thought, because they were thin but not quite dangerously so, and the holes in their clothes were small enough to leave the garments useful.

The older girl saw me assessing their place, and she crossed her arms. “Okay. Thanks. You can go now.”

“Sure. Nice to meet you guys. Thanks for letting me stop by.” I gave them a wave.

My stomach started grumbling on my way home, but I still felt better than I had all day. At least I could do right by somebody.

  


* * *

  


I dragged my feet and didn’t go back into the town until well after dark. I slept late the next day and lingered in my apartment until the afternoon, knowing my old companions would be staying for most of the day to visit with Sylv.

Then boredom beat my anxiety, and I decided it was safe enough to go outside if I was careful about it. I’d gotten to know the town well enough that I could get around without any of them noticing me as long as I wore a hood and kept an eye out for them.

I still hurried through the business of picking up food and rushed out of town at the quickest walk I thought I could get away with without attracting attention. I breathed a sigh of relief as I left behind the town gates.

I ate one of my freshly acquired empanadas on my way, doing my best to keep the savory filling off of my hands. Then I trekked out to the kids’ cave again.

“Hello, the cave?” I called, and I waited outside.

It took some time and a lot of hushed whispering before the older girl stuck her head out. “Leave us alone,” she said.

“Look, I’ll go in a minute. I just wanted to know if you guys wanted to make a trade. I’m on the lookout for some good seashells, see, and I noticed you had some in your cave. Not that you have to give me any of those. Advice on the best place to look is just as valuable.”

She frowned at me. “What are you offering?” she said finally.

“I brought some empanadas, fresh from the market.”

Her eyes went to my bag. She thought it over silently. She took a tiny step towards me. Then she looked up at me again.

“What do you really want from us?” she asked. “Strangers don’t just try to trade food for junk unless they want something else.”

There was a kid who’d seen a thing or two. Smart and tough. Reminded me even more of Mia. Or myself. I wouldn’t have believed in anyone’s altruistic intentions until after I traveled with people like Sylv and Brick. I put a hand on my hip and tilted my head while I thought about how to explain it in a way that she might believe.

“That’s usually true,” I said. “In my case, I’m not really looking for anything big. I think I just want an excuse to feel good about myself for a day. You know, I used to live somewhere kind of like this, and it reminded me that it’s not fun if you only get to eat the same thing every day.”

She frowned. “You’re not going to try to make us go anywhere?”

“Nah. If you’re good here, you’re good.”

“Good. Cause we’ll get away if you try to take us. And we’ll make you sorry.”

“Understood.” I didn’t smile. She was clearly serious. Plus, even a kid with, say, a table knife, could do some damage. I’d done some damage that way when I was a bit older than her when somebody tried to grab me on the street once in some little hamlet. I tried not to let strangers get so close again after that.

She thought it over. “Okay. If you follow the coastline out of Puerto Valor for about an hour, you’ll find a place where it makes this very sharp bend with a big rocky spot sticking out into the water. That’s the place.”

It took me a minute to realize she was making the trade I’d proposed. Information for food. “For good shells?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Thanks! I’ll check it out next week,” I said, with a glance for the late afternoon sky and a thought for my schedule. Then I extended the bundle of food. The girl lifted her chin and marched up to take it from me.

“My name’s Erik, by the way,” I said.

“Yeah, you said.” She backed away toward the cave entrance again.

I nodded and turned away, accepting that my welcome was worn out. I adjusted my pack and checked the height of the sun again.

I was surprised to hear her voice again. “My name’s Isabella.”

I turned back and flashed a smile at her. “Nice to meet you, Isabella. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

She shrugged and turned half away from me, picking at the ties on the bundle and watching me from the corner of her eye. I nodded and went on my way.

  


* * *

  


I made it back to town at dusk, and I found Sylv as he was heading away from my apartment, drifting down the street as I approached. He looked a little sad when I spotted him. Probably my fault. “Hey Sylv,” I called.

He raised his head and perked right up. “Hello, darling!”

I mirrored his smile, feeling a mix of guilt and pleasure to imagine that I was significant enough to him that I could affect his mood that way. “Were you looking for me? Sorry, I just got back into town. You wanna come in?”

“I’d love to.”

I had a moment of self-consciousness over the sparse furnishings, as I always did when he looked into my little home, but as usual, he swept in and made himself at home on one of my little stools, and I reminded myself, not for the first time, that I’d seen him spend hundreds of evenings sitting on logs or the bare ground around a campfire without complaint.

“How was the play?” I asked him.

“Wonderful. Everyone hit their lines just right on opening night, and with a live audience, I think we all found a little extra energy to make the show even better than our rehearsals. The audience was lovely, all kinds of enthusiastic, although we’re still working on training them in good theater etiquette.”

“Training the audience?”

“Well, you know, there are a few smaller stages to be found in other cities, and some outdoor events in the summer, but I think at least half of the audience had never been to this type of performance. Which is wonderful! It’s very much something I’d hoped for, to share the theater with all kinds of people. But we figured out after the first night that when the impresario introduces us, she needs to work in some instructions to hold applause until the proper moments, and not to speak during the show, and so on.”

I listened to him talk about the play, dancing around the topics of the actual content of the play itself and the presence of our old team there to watch him perform, and I felt a pang of regret that I hadn’t been there to watch, myself. At least I could have sat in the back of the theater. At least I could have shown up tonight, because the gang probably wouldn’t have gone to the same performance twice in a row. Now I’d committed to working overtime for the rest of the week, and I wouldn’t have a chance until the night of his last performance.

I wouldn’t have gotten to drop off my donation for those kids, though. Not for another week. Who knew if they’d even still be there on my next day off.

I found that I wanted to tell Sylv about the kids, badly. It was such an astonishing encounter, and it had affected me in a way I didn’t quite understand, and I'd already gotten into the habit of telling him about everything interesting that came up in my new life.

But I also didn't feel it was my right to tell him, not when those kids clearly wanted their hideout and their situation to be a secret. I wouldn't have wanted that choice taken from me when I was their age.

Suddenly I felt even more conscious about the burden I'd placed on Sylv, myself. He must have had an awful time trying to keep my presence here secret.

So when he took one of his pauses and then said, "Everyone asked after you. I didn’t say much, but they all wished you well and said they'd love to see you," I decided he deserved a little bit more than I'd given.

"Thanks for that, Sylv. That’s...good to hear. Hey, listen. I, uh. I think I should try and tell you why I made you go to all this trouble for me."

I stared out the window, but I heard him shift in his seat. Felt him looking at me. "Only if you're ready, sweetheart."

I sighed and looked down at my hands. "Thing is, it's pretty stupid. Half of it's really just because I've been away so long. I keep thinking about how mad everyone will be about that, and I just can't stand the idea of facing that when I already don't feel like I was all that close to most of them."

"Darling, you underestimate how fondly everyone remembers you," Sylv said.

I breathed a laugh. "I just keep hearing Veronica's voice in my head, saying 'You idiot!'"

"Well, yes, that's definitely going to happen. But it's just a way she says 'I love you,'" Sylv said with a little smile in his voice.

"I guess." I shook my head. "I think I came to you because I thought you might be the most likely to forgive me for going dark the way I did. I wasn't really expecting you to be so kind and patient about everything as this. So, thanks for that. I really appreciate it."

A longer bit of silence, and I glanced over to see him smiling and dabbing at his eyes. He cleared his throat. "I'm glad you felt that way. I'm glad you're here. You have no idea what a relief it's been to not only know you're okay, but to get to see you doing well."

I scratched my head. "I'm still kinda surprised you cared so much. Not like I used to give anyone…" I swallowed, then broke my taboo and invoked the forbidden name. "Anyone but Brick the time of day, really."

"Oh, darling. I don't feel like that's quite true. You weren't the chattiest, sure, but you were still part of our team. You were the voice of common sense to keep us grounded, more often than not. And we all knew you had our backs, and there's a kind of bond that forms even just from fighting side by side. Besides, it was…" 

Pause. I braced myself and snuck a look at his face.

"It was a joy to watch you together with Brick. I know we always said Brick was a good foundation for the team," he said, with only a twitch of a smile for the pun cutting through his serious expression. "But in a lot of ways, you were the one who kept him going. I don't know what happened between you two later on, and you don't have to tell me, but I'm grateful you were there to support him in those days, or we might not have gotten the world saved."

I felt my mouth turn down, and I looked away again, scrubbing my hand over my face. "The ‘later’ was me being stupid, too," I muttered, and then I sighed and finally cracked the rest of the way open, spilling like an egg. "I walked into Cobblestone a day after everything, started trying to tell him I was in love with him, and then Gemma walked in and started making out with him in the middle of it. I pretty much handed her my flowers and ran."

"Oh. Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry." He reached out and pressed a hand against my wrist. “That must have felt awful.”

I laughed again, because that was better than crying. "Stupid that I'm still hung up on that after all this time, huh?"

"I don't know. The heart doesn't always act the way we wish it would. And something like that is never an easy thing."

"I guess not. But you’d think I would’ve learned not to make assumptions after I got out of jail, found out my old partner Derk was married, and got my feelings stomped on for the first time.”

"Oh, darling. You've had a hard time of it, haven't you?"

I shrugged, feeling a deep-seated relief over the sympathy but not really sure how to show it. I'd been keeping this to myself for so long. I hadn't even really told it outright to Mia, though I might have dropped enough hints that she'd guessed.

But Sylv wasn't questioning me over it. He was acting like my feelings were normal and okay, and that fact flooded into me and soothed me in a way I hadn't felt since the moment Brick had found out about Mia and hadn't judged me for it, just asked if he could try to help.

In fact, I felt a strange desire to keep talking about it now that I’d started. “Am I just horrible at reading people? I really thought he might have felt the same way about me. I guess I’m just a huge chump.”

“To tell you the truth, sweetheart, I honestly imagined you two would get together in the end, myself. I knew he had history with Gemma, but I was always secretly rooting for him to wake up and turn to you. But I guess I read him wrong, too.”

That was another wave of relief, if Sylv of all people had failed to read him correctly. “I thought he was, I thought he wanted...He kept reciprocating when I thought I was flirting. Telling each other we were looking good. All those casual touches. I don’t think he did that with anyone else. Once, we had this serious conversation, like, ‘I just want to tell you how much you mean to me.’ I guess we didn’t do a real good job, there.”

Sylvando folded his hands over his knee. “I think I would have gotten my heart broken after all that, too. All I can say is that our Luminary grew up in a very small town, and Gemma was the only friend near his age that he ever had before he met you. I guess he might not have known any other way to act, besides giving back what you gave him.”

That hit me like, heh, like a brick. “I’m so used to being the weird one who only had a sister growing up, and no other kids around. I never thought that anyone would be trying to learn anything about how to act from me. Hell. He really didn’t have anyone to spend his time with besides Gemma, did he?”

“Not really. Adults and younger kids, but he saw you as his first close friend away from home, and the only friend he had for a while.”

“And I just walked out on him. Goddess. I…” I rubbed my forehead. “I know I should apologize, but it’s still so hard to think about talking to him. After I made such a fool of myself, and after I’ve stayed away for so long.”

“I think he would forgive you.”

“You must think I’m a complete chicken.”

“Hm.” I wasn’t expecting amusement from him at that, and I looked up to see him wearing a small, lopsided smile. “You aren’t going to get any judgement from me, honey. If you’ll recall, I spent over a decade of my life without a perfectly good papi because I couldn’t bear the possibility of him turning me away if I went back to see him. Even having somebody ask about my family used to make me want to up and run away.”

“I...don’t think I’d realized that,” I said. I remembered watching Sylv disappear into the depths of the mansion, the day he’d gone back, but I’d waited in town because it seemed like something personal was going down with him and his dad and Hendrik, and once again, I hadn’t paid the attention a decent friend would have done. I knew by now that he’d been on his own when he was younger, and I knew he’d been avoiding his family back then, but I hadn’t really grasped the weight of the estrangement.

Sylvando dipped his head in acknowledgement. “I’d like to encourage you to talk to him and see if you can’t mend that bridge, if you have any interest in doing so, and there’s a benefit to doing it sooner rather than later, because there’s no use in wasting days of a good friendship. But I understand if you can’t quite manage it right now, too. It’s a hard thing to take that risk.”

  


* * *

  


When Sylvando left that night, I felt strangely light, as if I’d been hauling a heavy crate full of building materials and finally set it down. I still didn’t think I could have quite managed to talk to Brick if I’d spotted him on the street, that night. But for the first time, I felt like I might be able to do it some day in the future.

And for the first time, when I went to bed with the topic of Brick weighing on my mind, my thoughts drifted away from him without any conscious effort on my part. They floated over to Sylv, instead: his constant kindness and understanding, his willingness to set the past aside and stay in the moment with me until I was ready. The warmth of his smile. The fact that every time I saw him, I felt better. 

I determined that I’d been an idiot to ignore him for so long. If I had a second chance at becoming friends with him, now, I decided to take it.


	4. Chapter 4

After those first two days of Sylv's play running, I worked double-shifts until I started dreaming about poker. The thrill of the chips moving around wore off, and I stopped panicking when someone won big.

I still felt satisfaction every time I managed a big take from some particularly snooty customer. “So sorry. I hope you’ll have better luck tomorrow, friend,” I lied through my teeth to a scowling man wearing a dozen jeweled rings.

The habit of keeping a smile going finally became more natural. Around the tenth hour on my feet, when I wanted to find a shadowy alcove and glare at the world, I imagined Sylvando turning up in front of me. “Smile, darling!” I pictured him saying, and it came a little easier.

Once, he did turn up, with a couple of young folks in tow wearing rough homespun clothing, reminding me of Cobblestone.

“Hello, darling! How’s the luck flowing tonight?” Sylvando said.

“Hey, Sylv! Comes and goes. Haven’t seen anyone cry yet today. In fact, I’ve only seen tears of joy once this week so far, when somebody doubled their stake seven times in a row, and they had the presence of mind to stop there.”

“Seven? No wonder they wept. Well, everyone looks like they’re having fun in here tonight. I’m glad.” He turned and gestured to his companions. “My new friends here are visiting from the countryside, and they were asking about the casino. I told them I’d spot them a few tokens so they can try it out. Thought I’d bring them straight to the very best table. If you don’t mind?”

“Of course, Sylv.” I was already wearing a smile when I turned to the pair and launched into the routine explanation of the rules.

I’d been practicing my card tricks enough that I dared to do them at the table sometimes, and on an impulse, I brought them all out now. I dealt by flinging the cards across the table with a flick of my wrist, and they always landed at exactly the right spot. I shuffled the large deck three different ways after it ran out. I poured a bit of extra excitement or sympathy into my declarations of the wins and losses. I found Sylvando watching me with a couple of fingers pressed over a broad smile, and I gave him back one of those winks he was always throwing around.

The country folks played until they lost all their tokens. “Sorry, mister Sylvando, we should have saved something to pay you back.”

“No, no, darling, it was my treat. Just think of it as if I bought you a bit of cake from a market stall. All I wanted was to see your smiling faces.” That made them smile, of course, and me too.

It was funny watching him frame his kindness as selfishness, when he was probably the least selfish person in the world. Then I realized that I’d made essentially the same argument about the benefit of gifting to the kid at the cave. I shook my head, feeling a little strange to compare myself to Sylv on that front.

“Listen, before you go,” I interjected, and I dipped my fingers into a pocket. I slid a couple of tokens across the table to the pair of tourists and gestured to the low stakes slots. “Try out the machines on the end over there. On the house.”

Sylv gave me a particularly blinding smile over that, which I didn’t really deserve, because they were just my little pool of discretionary tokens that I was supposed to divvy out to soften a loss now and then. He turned to follow the tourists, but I called, “Hey, Sylv,” and I flipped a token to him from the take. I made a mental note to pay for the token from my own pocket, later. I was starting to take pride in playing firmly by the rules, here, and I didn't think Sylv would want stolen goods anyway.

Sylv caught the token out of the air, raised his eyebrows at me, then winked and blew a kiss in my direction. I smirked while I watched him turn and saunter off after his new friends to the slots. Trust Sylv to spin my little bout of showmanship into a two-man play. 

Of course I pulled more of a crowd after that, because all the locals knew Sylv on sight, and so did everyone who’d been to the theater, and everyone wanted a little secondhand glamour, I guess.

As an unfortunate side effect, people started trying to talk to me about the play. By the point that I finally had my night off, I pretty well knew all the big plot twists, which characters got together in the end, and who was going to have the best costumes.

On the upside, I picked up some of that theater etiquette that Sylv had mentioned. Including the extra tidbit that it was common for people to bring flowers for the performers they personally knew.

  


* * *

  


The afternoon I finally got free of the casino, I felt a hint of mild annoyance when I walked over to the florist, preparing to shell out money for something frivolous that I could have gotten for free during a routine walk. But I didn’t have time for the walk, so I paid the silly price, and I didn’t even pick the cheapest option. Knowing Sylv, he’d appreciate something bright and flashy, so I picked out the bundle of roses that struck me as the most interesting, the ones with bright yellow petals tinged with red along the edges.

I went to the play.

I quickly decided that the show was worth seeing even knowing all the would-be surprises. It was a charming story about a pair of young soldiers in love, but kept apart by duty, a series of ridiculous misunderstandings, and the interference of a liege lord who disapproved of women trying to be professional soldiers.

Sylvando played the part of the lord, which made him into the villain. I grinned as soon as I saw him walk on stage for the first time, because I already knew that much of the story, and thinking about him as any kind of villain was hilarious to me. He made the most interesting character by far, seeding doubt into the minds of the protagonists with some persuasive speeches, and then, after having his life saved by the young woman, gradually changing his mind into supporting her career completely by the end of the show.

Afterwards I applauded as loudly as anyone, and since no one else was handing flowers up to the stage and I wasn’t feeling so brave as to set the trend, I carried my bundle with me out of the big theater hall to wait for the actors to come out and mingle in the reception area.

Sylvando spotted me from a distance. He turned one of his classic warm smiles in my direction. Then he glanced down at the flowers in my arms and raised his eyebrows. I couldn’t quite read the shift in his expression after that, but he was still smiling, so I stepped up and held out my offering.

“Erik, darling, I’m so glad you made it. But this is a surprise!” he said, lifting the flowers out of my hands and giving me a sort of questioning look. “Did you ask a florist for advice?”

“Uh...No, I just picked some that I thought you might like the look of. Why, did I get it wrong?” I wondered if there was some kind of flower registry where people in town shared their favorites, and I’d made a mistake by not asking.

Sylv's expression shifted again, and I thought it landed near his usual level of friendly warmth, so I couldn't have messed it up too badly. “No, they’re absolutely lovely, darling. Thank you very much. Well! What did you think of the show?”

“It was great, Sylv. As great a performance as I’ve ever seen you do.” That didn’t seem like enough, so I added, “Was that whole military women idea supposed to be influencing the locals? I always hear everyone going on about the caballeros, but it seems like it’s only men that learn to fight around here.”

He glanced around, then shifted closer and spoke in a lower tone of voice. “Yes, I’m afraid so. I figure that line of thinking isn’t doing Puerto Valor any favors when the crown princess in Heliodor is a warrior and they’re already accepting women into the guard over there. If we can nudge our people into getting with the times, I think it’s best for everybody. You don’t think it was too heavy handed? Was the story okay besides that?”

“No, it was great. The whole thing reminded me of a story I heard once when I was a little kid, only I don’t think the villain turned good in that version, just got killed off for his stupidity. I kinda liked this way better.”

“I’m thrilled that you liked it. You know, we did borrow the story from Sniflheim. Serena found a manuscript of an old play in the Library up there, and she sent me a copy. I made a couple of tweaks to the script, but the core of it’s the same. Maybe it was based on an old children’s story from the region?”

“Huh. I guess maybe that explains it. I don’t remember a whole lot from, uh, back then,” I said, because I barely remembered my parents at all, and the Vikings rarely told stories to each other that respected anyone who wasn’t a Viking. I ran a hand through my hair and changed the subject, not really wanting to get into my history. “What are you doing later tonight?”

“Oh, since it’s the last night, we’re having a little party at my place for the cast and crew.” He hesitated, eyes dropping down to the flowers for a second, and then he looked back up at me and asked, “Would you like to come? Everyone’s welcome to bring a guest, and I didn’t really pick one for myself.”

I opened my mouth to answer, but then I couldn’t figure out what I wanted the answer to be. I’d just gotten done with my obligation to interact with strangers all day every day, for more days in a row than I liked to think about, and I wanted a break. But on the other hand, I hadn’t seen much of Sylv, and I was missing his company, and I was kind of touched by the invitation.

“Sure,” finally came out of my mouth.

Sylv brightened. “Wonderful! Come by in half an hour or so. I should keep mingling here, but I’ll look forward to seeing you later.” He settled the flowers in the crook of one arm, and he pressed a hand against my elbow for a moment before he turned away and was absorbed by the crowd.

  


* * *

  


I walked out into the dusk and wandered for a little while, trying to enjoy the chance to be alone for a few moments, and wondering how badly I was going to regret my acceptance of this invitation. But it wouldn’t be very kind to just not show up. Unannounced absence wasn’t a habit I wanted to pick back up, anyway.

So I stepped back into town as the last of the light left the sky, and I headed over to the manor.

I felt the noise of the gathering pressing in on me before I made sense of what I was seeing. A good two dozen people packed the huge entry hall, chatting and laughing and shouting. They had a musician playing in the corner, strumming some kind of lute like he wanted to drown out the sound of all the people trying to be heard over his melody and each other.

A crowd like this had never been my specialty in any capacity. If the Vikings got this loud, they were drunk and a little dangerous, and it was best to avoid them. Most of my thief work had been in the dead of night, or moving briskly through a crowded outdoor space with the intention for no one to remember my passing. I didn’t really have a strategy for actively participating.

But I was here, and I at least owed Sylv a hello. I spotted him easily enough. Even when most of the crowd was dressed as colorfully as he was in his bright red jacket, he stood head and shoulders taller than everyone else in the room. I squashed the urge to dash through the room like I was trying to outrun a cave full of monsters, and I drifted around the little groups of people with my dignity intact.

Sylvando was in the middle of a story when he spotted me, but he interrupted himself to exclaim, “Erik! You made it! I was just telling everyone about the time we made camp and you insisted we dig up a spot where I wanted to pitch my tent.”

I ran a hand through my hair, caught off guard that he was telling stories about me. “Yeah, and I was right, wasn’t I?”

“You absolutely were.” He turned back to the group surrounding him. “He thought the pattern of the rocks wedged down in the dirt looked suspicious, and he insisted. It wasn’t more than a couple minutes before we found a little chest buried there, full of jewelry.”

It had been a halfway clever place someone had stashed a haul. In retrospect, I almost felt sympathy for whoever it was, now that I’d done something similar myself. There was my clothing stash near Hotto, and then I’d made another cache up in a cave near the Academie for some Brick-crafted weaponry I could neither stand to keep with me nor sell.

But the buried campfire treasure had been a rich enough pile that I doubted it was anyone’s hard-earned life savings. It would have been a wealthy person leaving themselves a contingency plan, or a thief who wasn’t quite smart enough to hide his loot where no one could find it.

Besides, we’d needed the money. We were running low on medicine and other supplies, and our gear was starting to fall apart, so the windfall came at a good time.

The cluster of listeners looked gratifyingly impressed at Sylv’s story, and I felt a little better about coming to this party. At least a few people here now had a positive impression of me.

Then Sylv pulled some conversational trick to extract himself from the group while leaving behind a unanimous collection of smiles, and he put a hand on my shoulder to steer me away with him to join another little cluster of partygoers, and I suddenly wondered if he intended to introduce me to everyone present. The idea was overwhelming.

Until I discovered that I didn’t have to initiate any small talk at all, because Sylv always had a few kind words to say about the people in the group, and at each stop, he brought out some odd little story about me as part of his introduction.

“Once, we were attacked by monsters on the road, and I was just about on my last legs with a swarm coming at me, and Erik let out a yell and dashed right through the middle of them. They all got confused for long enough for the rest of our traveling companions to take them down, and they didn't land a scratch on me,” he said to a group of actors who had played mildly memorable roles.

“Once, I saw Erik here knock an apple out of a tree with a rock at fifty paces,” he told a group of stagehands.

“He can take a knife and peel any piece of fruit in one long strip from start to finish,” he said to another cluster of supporting actors and their spouses.

“Once, he noticed a man steal a purse from an innocent country boy, and Erik here just snuck up, took the purse back from the thief without him noticing, and put it back where it belonged,” he told the impresario and the supporting staff. It took me a minute to realize he’d skirted fairly close to outing me as a former thief, except he’d done it in a way that made me look like a hero, and I didn’t really mind at all.

“Erik’s the one who taught me that dance move you liked the looks of,” he said to the pair who had played the other leading roles.

The targets of this tidbit perked up at this news, while I struggled with the urge to bury my face in my hands. The young woman asked, “Really? Do you know any more of that dance? I saw somebody do the whole thing once in Heliodor, but I never got a chance to learn it.”

“Uh. It’s been a long time,” I said, embarrassed. I’d only shared the handful of steps I’d perfected in front of Sylv because everyone else was showing their dances, and Brick was egging me on, and it was the only remotely interesting dance I knew. I’d had mixed feelings about the dance itself for a long time.

“It’s okay. Just show us as much as you can. We won’t hold it against you if you don’t get it just right.”

“Sí, we can improvise the rest. We’ll just say it’s the Puerto Valor version,” chimed in the other actor.

“Wait, you seriously want me to try to teach you?”

“Will you? That would be amazing!”

“I don’t know that I’ll be a lot of help. I’m not sure I remember more than a few steps, anyway.” I’d only taken those long-ago dance lessons because Derk wanted to. It’ll impress the ladies, he said. I guess it did him some good, anyway.

I looked at Sylv, hoping he would jump in and get me out of it. But he was standing there with a wide smile and wider eyes, a hand curled in front of his mouth, and I realized I’d more or less just agreed to try to teach the whole group of them.

I gave a long, slow sigh. But Sylv had just indirectly dropped such a massive pile of praise and flattery on me during our slow trek across the room, and now he was looking at me like a kid encountering a surprise birthday present, and all of a sudden I decided that making a bit of a fool of myself wasn’t too much to ask for.

“Okay, sure. I don’t remember everything in order, but most of the steps went kind of like this.” I demonstrated a bit of footwork, a little bit more slowly than the proper dance was supposed to go, but I kept the pattern of sharp little bursts of speed mixed in between the more gradual movements.

I’d been halfway prepared for laughter at my expense, so I found it slightly disconcerting when both of the strangers and Sylvando, too, immediately started trying to imitate my movements. “Okay, yeah, that’s about right,” I said. “Only it’s supposed to go faster.”

I sped up my steps, feeling the trick of it coming back to me. 

And then, as I danced, I started to remember those days a little differently. I’d honestly liked this style of dance, once, I remembered. Loved it, even. The deft footwork, the little flicks of the wrist, the misdirection of the slower, sinuous movements followed by the sudden jerk in an unpredictable direction: everything about it felt like a metaphor for the skill and artistry needed for being the most skillful sort of thief. I might have given up the thrill of a good pickpocketing job on moral grounds, but this dance suddenly struck me as just as much of a satisfying proof of skill.

I realized now that I’d loved this dance until I’d discovered Derk had married and moved on to his new life without me, leaving my own idea of our future together smashed to pieces. After that, I’d started to feel like the dance was something I didn’t want to dwell upon, probably because one of the last times I’d seen him before my long stay in the Heliodor dungeons was Derk dancing this way in front of Opal. I guessed I’d subconsciously concluded the dance was the thing that led to me losing my chance with him. As if I’d ever actually had a chance with him.

But here, tonight, the whole dance was mine again, mine to live in, mine to create, mine to share with whoever I wanted. I broke it in like a glove until it fit me again, and I didn’t realize until I saw Sylv grinning at me that I was grinning too.

It didn’t even matter when I overreached and stumbled a little. “Whoops. Don’t do that,” I said. 

My companions laughed, but not in a harsh way. They’d been laughing at themselves and their own missteps just as much, or moreso.

“Maybe like this?” Sylv said, inventing a variation on my fumbled steps.

It wasn’t anything I’d learned from the girl who’d taught me. But I said, “Sure, that works.” No point in staying faithful to whatever I’d half-learned in the past, when somebody had an equally agreeable alternative here and now. We strung his step into the middle of the sequence of moves we’d been building up together.

To my amusement, the dance spread across the room. It seemed like everyone present started watching us, and trying to imitate us, and asking for slower tutorials again.

“I think I’ve got the basics. How do you feel about taking the group here, and I’ll set up on the other side of the room, so we can help more folks join in?” Sylv proposed.

“Oh, sure, Sylv,” I said, puffed up and confident after an evening of popularity. I felt an instant of regret, because it was fun to have something to teach Sylv for once, and fun to watch his delight in the dance at close range, and fun to watch him quickly pick up the new skill and execute it with grace and style. But I was getting a kick out of teaching it to newcomers, too. For once, I was enjoying myself being the center of attention.

I lost track of time, but I knew it was getting late, because even though everyone looked like they were enjoying themselves, folks started to trickle out the front door. Sylv must have noticed, because he clapped his hands and called out, “Okay! Who wants to try and do it all together?”

The musician came back from his break, started up some Puerto Valoran tune that wasn’t a complete and utter mismatch for the dance, and Sylv dragged me up to the front of the room to co-lead the group. We ran through the little series of dance moves we’d worked out, and when I turned my head to the side, I could see the little crowd following along behind us. We weren’t collectively very coordinated; at least half the group kept stumbling, or missing steps, or moving the wrong direction. But everybody was clearly having fun, and when we finished the job, the room broke into laughter and smiles.

Sylv came over, grabbed my hand and raised it in the air, and pulled me into a bow, just the same as he’d done earlier on stage with his actors after their performance. The assembled group obligingly broke into applause, and continued when he shouted, “Now give yourselves a hand, too, darlings!” He withdrew his hand to put action to his words, and it took me a moment to join in, still distracted by the unexpected physical contact and the approval of a crowd.

After that it seemed like the party was hitting closing time. Sylvando kept having people walk up to him, and they’d exchange a few words, and he’d give them a hug and a wave. A few people came up to me, clapped me on the shoulder, and said a word of thanks, but I was running out of energy to keep up much polite small talk, so I edged past the crowd drifting up to Sylv to say my own goodbye.

I got a hug, too. “Erik! Thank you so, so much for coming. You were the life of the party tonight! It wouldn’t have been the same without you.”

“Yeah, sure, Sylv. Thanks for inviting me. It was fun.” I was smiling again. He might have been flinging affection everywhere, but it felt good to get my own share.

  


* * *

  


When I finally made it home in the late, quiet hours, I laid in bed, exhausted, but I still felt a little glow of satisfaction over the whole thing.

Then my thoughts wandered from the dance back to Derk, and I was in such a good mood over the evening that I didn’t shy away from the memories.

Derk had been the first time I’d gotten close to anyone who wasn’t family. He’d flattered me with praise for my skill, and getting that kind of admiration from somebody a couple years older than me was an astonishing thing for the teenager I was, especially after growing up under the dubious care of adults who never seemed to think anything I did was good enough.

I’d spent every day with Derk for years, going on adventure after adventure, sharing the thrill of a hundred near-misses and more wild successes, and every night we’d share a hideout, until he felt like both excitement and safety. Until I couldn’t imagine a life where he wasn’t by my side every day.

Sometimes we’d cram together into a hiding spot that wasn’t really big enough for both of us, and I’d end up squished against him, and I'd tell him we'd better stay put a little longer, even when I was pretty sure it would be safe to move on. Sometimes we’d get stuck hiding somewhere drafty during freezing weather, and he’d mutter, “C’mere, mate, you’re just a twig, you’ll freeze solid,” and he’d put an arm around my shoulders, tuck me up against his side, and I’d pretend the cold actually did bother me so I could stay there.

More often, he’d take me to see a dancing girl or to gawk at a parade of finely-dressed ladies. Or he’d spend entire evenings waxing poetic about some tavern maid or a wealthy merchant’s daughter. Once or twice he abandoned me for the company of a puff-puff girl. I should have picked up on the fact that he was never going to feel the same way about me that I did about him, because he gave me plenty of clues that he was really only interested that way in women. Compared to the ambiguous hints I got from Brick, Derk’s preferences should have been a clearly labeled diagram. Would have been, if I wasn't young and naive.

He’d obviously never intended to lead me on. He’d never fallen in love with me, but he’d been a good friend to me. Anything that had gone wrong between us was my own fault. Tonight, I thought about Derk, and there was none of the sour edge to the thought of him that had tainted my memories of him for years. Tonight, I just felt sorry for letting my own foolishness linger between us. I could have kept his friendship instead of resenting him for denying me the deeper affection he’d never been prepared to offer me.

Maybe that would be a good goal this time, I decided as my thoughts drifted back around to Sylv, and the fact that I was feeling closer to him than anyone else right now. This time, I’d just enjoy the camaraderie without making it into something it wasn’t. Maybe, for once, I wouldn’t ruin something good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WIP note: updates will probably slow down a bit from here, as the back half needs more editing!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: the heaviest of the Sad Childhood Backstory business is in this chapter (though it's not specifically intended as a sad chapter).

I woke up with a weird, unexpected energy the day after Sylv’s party. I was glad to be out of the casino, but I wasn’t as desperate for solitude as I’d anticipated.

The weather was good, just turning toward autumn, and I was looking forward to a change of scenery. I thought about the wilderness kids, and now that I had a moment of quiet, I kind of hated the thought that it had been over a week since I’d checked in on them. I knew from experience that a kid could do more than most well-to-do folks gave them credit for, but it helped a lot to have an adult around who could help with any big problems. For all my distaste for the Vikings, I had to admit they’d helped Mia and I to survive, if little else.

  


* * *

  


I stopped by a shop to pick up a new satchel, thinking the kids could use something in good condition. I figured I’d use it to carry the food I was planning to take to them, and I’d just forget to ask for the bag back.

While I was in the shop, I ran into Sylv, who was picking up some kind of cleaning solvent.

“Big fancy mansion and an entire staff, and you’re picking up cleaning supplies?” I asked him in a low voice.

He looked up at me and gave me a self-deprecating smile. “Day after I use the house for my own big party, I can’t ask them to take care of all the cleanup on their own. I mean, they tell me I could, but I wouldn’t feel right about it.”

“Oh.” I smiled back. One of these days I’d learn to stop trying to match him up to the high-and-mighty Heliodoran nobles I’d seen, when I thought about him in his mansion.

We made our purchases, and the shopkeeper gave me only the bare minimum courtesy today, because she was obviously distracted by Sylvando’s presence. “It’s always lovely to see you in here, Norberto!”

I turned my back and shook my head a little, because even after so many weeks in Puerto Valor, it still struck me as odd to hear everyone else calling him Norberto all the time.

Then it occurred to me to wonder if that was what he wanted, and if I was bothering him by not getting with the program, and the question lodged itself in my gut.

He read the concern off my face when we stepped out into the street. “What’s wrong, darling?”

“Nothing. But I was just wondering. Should I start calling you Norberto instead of Sylvando?”

“No!” he exclaimed, then immediately smiled in a way that looked like he was laughing at himself, and he added more gently, “Thank you. No, it’s not that I mind being Norberto. He’s already famous here, and that’s a useful thing. And of course it’s been good to reconnect with my family. But it’s so nice having somebody around who still calls me Sylv. Makes me feel like I didn’t just make up the whole decade before I came home. Helps me feel like I’m still keeping the me that I chose to become, even though I’m trying to fit it together with the other identity that was waiting for me here.” He waved a hand vaguely in the direction of his house.

“Have you been having trouble with that?” I asked.

“Not really. Not since you came to town to keep me grounded, darling,” he said, suddenly over-the-top affectionate, so that I couldn’t quite tell whether he was being serious or not.

“Well, I’m glad I have a purpose,” I said.

“Absolutely. I’d be lost without you, I’m sure of it.” He was definitely in a silly mood now, placing a hand across his chest and staring dramatically into space.

I snorted. “Right. Okay, Sylv, let me know if you need someone to deflate your ego after a long, luxurious day of cleaning your house. Think you can find your own way home without me?”

“I think I can manage that much,” Sylv said, and I thought his warm amusement was sincere this time. Then he glanced down at my new satchel. “What are you up to today? Anything exciting?”

“Not really,” I said, still not willing to betray the wild kids’ trust by sharing their existence. “Just going out for a bit.”

“If you want, you could stop by this afternoon. We’ll be done cleaning at some point.”

“Not sure I’ll be back by then,” I said.

“Ah. All right, honey. Have a nice little adventure, then.”

“Thanks,” I said, and we waved and walked in opposite directions, and I felt a little unease that I was keeping something from him, and that I didn’t have a better excuse to share for not accepting an invitation than that I was going to be out wandering by myself.

  


* * *

  


I decided to head for Isabella’s beach spot and look for seashells so I could say that I’d done it if I saw her and she asked.

I found what had to be the place she’d mentioned. The way the waves moved in the corner next to the rocky outcropping made the water swirl, and a pile of detritus had built up around the edges. I stepped carefully, not wanting to trample anything the kids might value in one of their special places.

I picked up a shell out of the shallow water and looked at the underside. It waved some legs at me, and I yanked it farther away from my face. “Eugh.” I set it back down where I’d found it. It was a nice shell, pretty enough to amuse Mia or maybe Sylv, but I didn’t need it badly enough to dislodge the creature living inside of it.

I found another, a tiny spiral cone, and this one was unoccupied. I shook it to get most of the water out and counted it a victory.

When I turned around, I saw Isabella watching me from the entrance to this little alcove. I probably made a comically startled face, but then I gave her a smile and a nod. “Morning.”

“Took you long enough to come out here.”

“I did say it wouldn’t be last week, didn’t I? I was pretty busy. You were right, this is a good spot for shells.”

“You’re carrying too much food again, aren’t you?” she said.

I struggled not to smile. “Yeah, I guess I am. Want to help me with that?”

She seemed to struggle with the question. Maybe I’d made it too easy. “We can trade you a peach,” she finally said.

“That sounds good.”

She nodded, turned, and started walking away. I waited, not wanting to make her uncomfortable by following her, until she looked back over her shoulder and sighed impatiently. “Are you coming?”

“Ah, right.” I hurried a little to keep her in sight as she moved around the other side of the little rocky outcropping.

The other three kids were waiting in the shade of a tree. It was a good spot if you didn’t want to be seen by travelers on the road, because a low hill obscured the line of sight.

“I found the guy,” she announced when she got near enough. “He’s going to give us some food again.”

“What if it’s poisoned?” grumbled the older boy.

“Serafito, we already ate what he gave us last time. Why would he poison us now?” Isabella said in a scathing tone.

“I don’t know! Maybe he wanted us to let our guard down?” Serafito said.

“Don’t be stupid,” she said, now putting me strongly in mind of Veronica and Mia both.

I butted in. “If it makes you feel better, I could cut up the food and eat whichever part you pick out for me. Then you’ll know none of it’s poisoned, because you might have picked any piece for me, right?”

Serafito frowned. “Fine. I guess.”

I slowly walked up and sat down, just about in arm’s reach of the boy if I leaned forward, because I didn’t want to crowd anyone. I pulled out the big loaf of bread and started cutting slices off of it with my belt knife.

“Which one for me?” I asked.

Serafito hesitated, and the littler boy tugged on his sleeve and spoke in a hushed but eager voice. “Tell him he gets the last one.”

“Yeah, sure, Paz. The last one.”

I nodded and looked down, and then I smiled, because the last slice I’d cut happened to be the thinnest one. “Okay. Take these.” I put my knife away and leaned in to hand over the other slices to Serafito.

The little boy and girl both reached for their prize, but Serafito lifted the stack of bread above his head with one hand and warded them off with the other. “Hey. Wait until he eats his.”

Isabella watched the other three with a smirk, so I didn’t bother hiding my smile this time as I obligingly ate my allotted portion. All four of the kids watched me until it was gone.

“He’s done,” said little Paz in a loud whisper, and he reached for the bread again.

“Yeah, okay, okay. Here, grublins.” Serafito handed out the bread, matching up the biggest pieces to his smallest companions and saving the smallest for himself. It reminded me of myself and Mia, and it made me wonder if I could get away with bringing them food every day until they didn’t feel the need to worry about portion sizes.

“I have sausages, too. Do you want them now, or do you want to wait for me to eat one?” I pulled them out of the bag.

Isabella glanced at the little kids with another smirk. “Might as well wait. Ana’s not going to have any hands free until she finishes that.” The small girl had a death grip on the big heel piece while she gnawed on it.

“Okay. Which one’s mine, then?”

Paz mumbled something through a full mouth.

“Nobody can understand you with your mouth full, silly. Swallow first and try again before you take another bite,” said Isabella.

“The little one,” Paz tried again.

I grinned this time at his forthright greed. “Yes, sir,” I said, and repeated the established procedure.

By the time I offered another round of bread, Serafito seemed more inclined to trust the food, at least. He even cracked a smile when Paz saw me cutting the loaf and shouted, “The little one!”

“The little one!” echoed Ana, speaking for the first time today.

“Okay, the little one for me!” I agreed. 

I sat with them until they all slowed down their eating. “Paz, why don’t you let me hold on to your leftovers there so I can give them to you later?” Serafito said 

“Here, why don’t you keep the satchel? It’s a spare, I don’t need it,” I said.

The older pair looked at me for a long moment, and I held my breath, wondering if they were going to take it. Then Isabella said, “Yeah, sure. Since we helped you find some pretty good shells.”

“Right,” I agreed, and when they stood up, offered a slightly stilted goodbye, and we went our separate ways, I walked away smiling over my success.

  


* * *

  


Sylv stopped by to chat for a few minutes the following evening. “How was your outing yesterday?”

“Oh, it was nice.” I tried to think of some little detail to share, the way I usually did after I took a walk through the countryside, but all I could think of was the kids, and that wasn’t a secret I was prepared to betray, so I didn’t say anything else.

It left an awkward little pause for a moment, but then Sylv nodded and said, “The theater crowd’s been asking after you. Said I should invite you to our next outing. We’re heading to the beach bar tomorrow evening, while the weather’s still lovely, if you’d like to join us.”

“Sure, I’d like that,” I said. Not that I’d been converted to unrestrained enthusiasm over parties, but after holding something back from him, I was worried about looking like I was pushing him away, which I definitely didn’t want to do, especially not after he’d shared all that about his names the other day.

  


* * *

  


Sylv was easy to spot, as always, but he was surrounded by people on either side. I hung awkwardly at the edge of the crowd, seeing no good way to approach him, but he spotted me, said something to his gaggle of companions, and he stood up to come over and greet me. Instead of trying to return to where he’d been sitting, he made eye contact with somebody at a less populated table, and he led me over to claim a couple of empty chairs there.

We chatted for a little while about casinos and theaters. Then somebody started shoving more tables together across the room. “Oh! You all want to join the blob?” Sylv suggested, and we picked up our table and scooted it over, and when we brought the chairs over, he and I ended up seated farther down the line, next to an entirely new set of faces.

It finally occurred to me that this had to be a deliberate party strategy on Sylv’s part. Keep moving, so he got a chance to talk to a bunch of different people, but make it look like each time he abandoned a group, it was only a coincidence.

I ended up with a new neighbor at the adjoining table, and she made the effort to open another conversation with me while somebody else claimed Sylv’s attention. “Erik, right? The dancer? I remember you from the big party.”

I laughed. “That’s the first time anyone’s identified me that way. I’m not exactly a professional.”

We chatted over our amateur dance experiences, and I felt overly proud of myself for successfully holding my own in a conversation with a stranger at a Sylvando party. The next person past her joined in to the discussion after a while, and then Sylv did too, and I was happy to let them gradually take over. I sipped at one of the fruity nonalcoholic beverages Sylv was so fond of, happy to have contributed, and now content just to be present and watch Sylv do his thing.

It was earlier than I’d expected when Sylv shifted in his chair and declared, “All right, darlings, I’ve got to be heading out. Have a wonderful rest of the night, everybody!”

He glanced at me, and I said, “Yeah, I gotta get going too. Good to see you all.” Sylv smiled and waited for me to walk out with him, and I felt a little bit less like I was running away.

Once we were out of earshot of the gathering, I asked Sylv, “Where are you off to? Must be important, if you’re prying yourself out of a party before it’s over.”

“Actually...Nowhere in particular.” He looked faintly embarrassed.

“What, really?”

“Well. I stayed until the end the first few times we did a little shindig like that after a practice. Only, I overheard somebody talking about an afterparty during the second one, and I invited myself along to that, but I got this funny feeling like maybe I wasn’t supposed to have joined in there, and then—”

I snorted. “As if anyone wouldn’t want you at a party.”

He gave me an odd, crooked smile. “Well. It’s complicated. The thing is, I put most of my adventuring money into the theater. You met our impresario at the big party, right? She went in fifty-fifty on it with me, so we’re co-owners. She handles the business side, and I have final say in anything performance-related. Like who gets to be in the performances.” He gave me a short glance, like he wanted to see if I followed.

“Okay,” I said, but I didn’t really see where he was headed with this.

“She pulled me aside after that second gathering, and she said that it’s good to for the two of us to socialize with everyone else up to a point, but no one’s really completely comfortable letting loose at a party when the boss is there, so it’s polite for us to leave early and let everyone have some fun without us.”

“Oh. Seriously? Even when it’s you, though? I mean, everybody loves you.”

He shrugged. “Nobody protests very hard when I leave, so I think her advice was on point. It’s all right. The important thing is they’re having fun.”

“Well, fine. Why aren’t you at your own personal afterparty, then? You’re a legend in this town. I’m sure you have plenty of other admirers.”

“You know, I’m finding that is a tiny bit of a problem, too. I’ve been famous elsewhere, but I had to work for it, and there was a little time to get to know a few locals before I went on stage. Here, where everybody knows me for my family, I’ve found it’s very easy to make little friendly connections with almost anyone, but the only strangers who feel comfortable spending more than a few minutes with me are the ones who are rich and famous themselves, and, ah. This is probably going to sound strange, coming from me, but they simply aren’t my favorite sort of people.”

I raised my eyebrows, a little surprised to hear Sylv actually talking about disliking anyone. He gave me another lopsided smile and a small shrug.

“Most of the noblemen around here have lived their whole lives with the idea that they’re better than everyone else. Not that most of them will put it that way, but the feeling’s there. Even when I was a boy, I always thought other people were more interesting than them, but since I ran away and started over from nothing, every time I spend time around somebody with a title, I either get the urge to try to poke holes in their pride, or to try to fix them and force them to live up to their leadership position. It’s rare that that makes a good basis for a friendly relationship.”

I thought it over, and I realized he’d answered a question I’d never quite articulated to myself. “So that’s why you have so much time for me, huh?”

“Am I demanding too much of your time, darling?”

“No, of course not.” Worried I’d sounded too disparaging with my prior comment, I added, “I always look forward to hanging out with you.”

I felt my face warm up a little after the admission. Praise had been scarce in my childhood, and I never knew how much positivity was the right amount to share. Though this was a drop in the bucket compared to what Sylv normally dished out, so maybe it wouldn’t even register to him.

It must have been an adequate response, because Sylv just smiled and said, “Thank goodness. You know, it’s not that I mind being famous. It’s a delight to be able to drop into a stranger’s day and see them cheer up just at the sight of me. But it’s also a relief to have somebody around who’s seen me accidentally wear my shirt inside out all day, and who knows that I snore after I drink too much, and who’s seen me make mistakes in battle, and still wants to spend time in my company.”

I ran a quick self-assessment as he listed things he evidently found embarrassing. “Uh, I think one of my socks is inside-out right now,” I admitted.

He laughed. “It’s very sweet of you to plan ahead to make me feel better about my own shortcomings.”

“Yeah, that’s me: master planner.” I grinned along with him. “Hey, since you aren’t doing anything right now, how about we go hang out at your place? See if we can convince Servantes we won’t cheat if he joins us at a card game tonight.”

“That sounds like a wonderful plan, oh master planner.” He gave me another proper smile, and there was a little more of a spring in his step as we turned toward the manor.

Servantes willingly joined us, and he seemed to enjoy himself even an hour later when Sylv and I both started trying to stuff cards sideways up our sleeves, more for the joke of it than bothering with any subtlety or sneakiness, until we ended up with only a half-sized deck on the table, blatantly obvious rectangular bulges at our wrists, and smirks leaking onto our poker faces. Servantes shook his head, smiling, and declared it was past his bedtime while we grinned at him and each other.

When I left, Sylv hung in the doorway and asked, “You busy on your next day off? There’s a children’s choir event that afternoon, if you wanted to go. It should be fairly adorable.”

“Um…Already got plans,” I said, because I knew I was going to want to visit the wild kids again. I was already a little worried about the idea of not checking on them for several more days.

“Ah. Something fun and exciting?” Sylv asked.

“Uh…” Once again, I drew a blank on anything to say to him.

He waited for a moment, then gave me a tiny smile. “You can just say you’re not interested, honey.”

“Huh? Oh, the choir? No, it’s just...” I ran a hand through my hair. “Got somewhere else to be. Uh, maybe we could meet up the day after? Dinner?”

Sylv gave me a neutral look, then tilted his head in a sideways nod. “All right. Dinner it is.”

  


* * *

  


I managed to find the kids near their cave on my day off, as I’d hoped, and this time they let me share my food without challenge.

The group seemed to relax a little bit as we ate, and I debated whether I should try to make any kind of conversation. I went with the obvious. “Nice weather today.”

“Yeah,” said Isabella.

“Does it rain much over the winter? I’m kinda new to the area.”

“Yeah, there’s more rain in the winter.”

“Does it get cold enough to snow?”

Isabella frowned. “No,” she said like I was stupid for asking.

Maybe I deserved that. I knew Heliodor only got that cold a few days out of the year, and this was noticeably a warmer climate.

“How old are you?” Paz asked me out of the blue.

“Uh. Twenty-two or twenty-three. Probably. I was pretty little when I last was around anyone who would have known for sure. How old are you?”

“Five. Right?” Paz looked to Serafito.

“Sí, you’re five, grublin. You didn’t forget your birthday already, did you?”

“No. We had extra peaches and figs and berries.”

“Sí, that’s right.”

“Ana’s only four,” Paz told me. “Her birthday’s next year. You could come and bring some food.”

I grinned. “Well, thank you for the invitation. But it’s Ana’s birthday, so maybe we’ll let her decide if she wants to invite me or not when it gets a little closer.”

“You can bring some food,” Ana said.

“Okay. If all of you want me to next year, I will.”

“What happened when you were a kid? You don’t have parents?” asked Serafito.

I felt my mouth twist away from my smile at the sudden reminder of my past.

My memories of that night were unpleasant but jumbled. I figured I’d blocked the worst of it from my memory. All I remembered was the fact that I’d discovered their deaths, and that the Vikings had taken Mia and me with them right afterwards.

After the fact, it had been clear that the Vikings weren’t a peaceful group. I knew their leader back in those days had been violent, and I remembered plenty of times he'd led a group back to the hideout to celebrate and brag about how easy it was to take from fools who didn’t even wear a weapon. He never quite outright admitted to murder, but once or twice while he was drunk, I heard him talk about how sheep deserved the death that came for them.

But I didn’t have proof that they’d killed my parents, and I didn’t really want it. That bloodthirsty leader had died to a monster by the time I was old enough to understand that maybe I should hate him, and the other Vikings had shown brief hints of kindness over the years. At least they hadn’t left us kids to die. At least they’d fed Mia even when she was too small to do any kind of work. After hearing Brick talk about Cobblestone, I knew there was a better way to grow up, but I didn’t care to swear some oath of blood vengeance or anything.

“Something bad happened to my parents when my sister and I were really little. Some other people took us and raised us, but I wouldn’t call them parents. They weren’t very nice people,” I added, glossing over the details, but still impulsively sharing as much or more with these kids as I ever really had with anyone. “They made us work until we couldn’t, and then they got mad at us that we couldn’t keep working.”

“That’s what happened to us!” Serafito exclaimed, then he looked at Isabella with a sort of guilty expression. She shrugged and looked away.

“Feel like telling me about it?” I said.

Isabella traded another look with Serafito, then looked down at the littler kids. “I don't. You two want to go look for flowers with me?”

They hopped up, faces turning from anxious to enthusiastic. Isabella took both of them by the hand and led them away, abandoning Serafito to my company.

The boy fidgeted a little and cast me an uncertain glance. “You really want to know?”

“If you want to share.”

“Okay. It was a couple years ago, when the monsters were really bad. They made a big swarm and came for our village one day. My parents told me to hide in the cellar, and Isabella and Ana’s family did the same thing. They’re my cousins and they lived really close. Anyway, there wasn’t anybody left afterwards but us. We ran to the next village to try to get help, but no one really wanted to help. They said we were bad luck. The village after that was worse, because somebody took our stuff.”

I pressed my lips together and nodded, remembering my own flight away from the frozen north, wandering as a stranger into tiny town after town. Wasn’t a much different story, except that with the way I’d been raised, I thought nothing of trying to steal what I wanted if I thought I could get away with it. Sometimes I’d earned my rejections from those little villages.

“We finally found this one old guy who lived alone in the countryside. He said we could stay with him, and he already had Paz with him, so we thought it would be okay. But he just wanted us to work for him so he could take what we made into town and buy drinks for himself. He shouted all the time and he locked us in his cellar whenever he left. Or if we got hurt and couldn’t work. We figured out we’d be better off on our own. So one day this spring, we left after he drank too much and fell asleep early.”

“Makes sense to me. No regrets?”

“Not really. It’s not as easy as it was growing up, but we’re doing pretty good. We’re going to dry some fruit and collect some potatoes for the winter.”

He told me a few more of their plans, and I was simultaneously impressed and worried. Impressed because he had a lot of ideas of how they really might survive a winter on their own. I guessed that was what came of growing up in a little rural village with parents who cared to teach you skills for a farming household. Worried, because it still sounded risky. Maybe I was still thinking about northern winters, but I knew there were always ways for things to go wrong anywhere, and when you were living close to the edge, that could be disastrous.

I left that day more determined than ever to keep an eye out for them. I hoped I could be better support for them than the Vikings were for Mia and me. It didn’t feel like an awfully high bar.

  


* * *

  


When I met Sylv for dinner the next night, and there was space in the conversation to talk about the previous day, it went awkward for a few minutes.

“I won’t bore you by going on about the children’s choir. Did you have a nice secret adventure?”

“Uh. Yeah, it was fine. I mean, you can tell me about the choir if you want to. I don’t mind,” I said, hoping to steer his attention away from my own activity.

“Ah, well, I think it’s one of those things where you had to be there, and you probably wouldn’t enjoy it if you don’t think it’s charming to watch little ones trying their best at something.”

I tugged at my hair and looked over Sylv’s shoulder, trying to come up with something, anything to say that wasn’t about the wild kids, but I came up with only awkward silence. Sylv dipped his head, as if I had actually said something aloud and he was acknowledging it, and he changed the subject with a tiny, cool smile, commenting on the food instead.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d disappointed him, and I kind of hated it. I cast about for some way to pick up the conversation again. I couldn’t talk about my day, but I could follow up on his. “Were you in a choir here when you were a kid?”

His expression shifted a little, and he shook his head. “No. I used to kind of wish I was, but my papi told me I wouldn’t have time for it, not if I was going to become a great knight like him.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Sylv shrugged. “I was kind of mad at him about it, after I ran away and spent time with people who liked singing. But looking back, I think it’s really that my mamá was a singer. She would have been the one to teach me and put me into the choir group if she was still alive, and trying to take that on by himself would have reminded him too much of her absence.”

“Oh. How, uh, how old were you when she…”

I trailed off, not sure if I was going to hit a sore spot, but he just gave me a melancholy smile and said, “Just a couple years old when she took ill. I don’t really remember her at all. I wish I did, but.” He shrugged. “I always wonder how things would have turned out for me if she’d been around longer. My papi says she was strong-willed, so I always imagined if she took my side, she could have overruled him, and maybe I would have stopped back home for visits over the years. If I even felt the need to leave in the first place.”

“Ah. Yeah, those kinds of what-if’s are…” I waved a hand vaguely while I put my thoughts together. “Maybe not useful, but it’s hard not to think them.”

“Hm.” Sylvando tilted his head sideways in a little nod of acknowledgement. “You know, I’ve never heard very much about your childhood. I know it wasn’t all sunshine and roses, but if you want to tell me anything about it, I’d like to hear.”

That took me by surprise, somehow, even though it was the obvious direction for the conversation to turn. I looked at my hands.

“Sorry, darling, you don’t have to talk about it. Just ignore old nosy Sylv if you want to.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind. It’s just, you know, it’s not all that great a story. Me and Mia were raised by the people who…” I stopped and edited out my unprovable accusation. “They weren’t very nice people. Made us work too much and didn’t feed us quite enough. The only good thing we had was each other, and then, well, you know.”

“Mia got sick?” he said gently.

I glanced at him, startled. “Oh. I never talked about that with everyone, and I guess Brick never spilled, either, huh?”

Sylvando shook his head. “He only said it was your story, and Mia’s, and he didn’t think you wanted to talk about it yet.”

I scrubbed a hand through my hair. “Guess I got a long history of making people keep uncomfortable secrets for me. Okay. This one still hurts, but…” I looked at my hands, thinking about that awful day, the necklace day, but for the first time, I was thinking about it differently. I imagined Isabella or Serafito in that situation, innocently trying to do something nice for one of their own. I looked back at my younger self with some of the same understanding I would give one of them now.

“You know, it’s only just now started to sink in that it wasn’t really my fault. I was just a stupid kid, and I thought I was doing something nice when I pinched a really pretty necklace out of the Viking’s haul to give to Mia. I couldn’t have known it was magic. But it ended up turning her into a gold statue. I couldn’t see any way to fix her, so I just...ran away. Took more than half a decade before I finally got the chance to throw a Brick at the problem.”

I managed a tiny smile at the figure of speech, and I glanced at Sylv to see how the stupid, familiar joke landed. He just looked sad, so I looked away. “Sorry to upset you. There’s a reason I don’t talk about my past. All my stories are bummers. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Darling, please don’t apologize. I’d much rather hear it, if it makes you feel at all better to share it. Is there anything else you want to get off your chest?”

I thought about the Vikings, and I simultaneously felt an urge to keep it to myself and an impulse to spill everything.

“Honey, I can tell there’s something. If you’re trying to spare my feelings, don’t worry about that.”

That tipped me off the fence, and I said in a rush, “I think the Vikings killed my parents before they took me and Mia to live with them. I can’t prove it, and the guy who would have ordered it is dead, so it doesn’t really matter now. But it’s just a weird thing I’ve never told anybody, even Mia, and I still think about it sometimes.”

I trailed off, feeling like it was a dumb story that didn’t go anywhere. I looked at Sylv again, and I was shocked to see tears on his face. “Shit, I’m sorry, Sylv. I didn’t mean to…”

He held up a hand and shook his head, glaring at the ceiling. “Don’t apologize. I’m just, oh, I’m just angry at the world. I wish I could go back in time and fix that for you.”

I huffed a laugh at the impossible wish, touched that he cared enough to make it. “It happened a long time ago. I don’t even remember my parents, really. And not everything in my life turned out bad. I got Mia back. I met you. And everyone else. And we saved the world.”

Now Sylv was smiling under his tears, which was bewildering. What was I supposed to do with that?

“There’s that,” he said, and cleared his throat. “My, look at you, taking an awful thing and still finding reason to smile.”

“Probably the company I’ve been keeping,” I said, feeling a little tentative smile climb onto my own face in spite of Sylv’s tears, and his smile widened in response.

  


* * *

  


I felt a little strange after that. It had taken me more than a year to even tell Brick about Mia, and I’d only done that in the hope that he could fix her. I’d never even really talked about my past to Derk. But between Sylv and the kids, I was spilling my old secrets left and right this week. It wasn’t like me.

But then, they’d given some of their own to me to hold, too, hadn’t they? And it felt good. Earning their trust and giving them mine. Feeling like I wasn’t the only one with darkness in my past and worries in my present. I wanted better things for them, and it made me think that maybe I deserved good things too.

I started seeing the kids more often. We set up a meeting place, a miniature valley halfway between town and their cave so I could make it there and back between my casino shift and sunset, and we met almost every other day. They’d bring a bit of fruit and I’d bring a few meals’ worth of something from the market, and we’d sit and eat and tell little stories of things we’d seen in the town or the countryside. Sometimes they'd show me something interesting in their territory, like a strange flower or a migrating animal, and I'd get a little story out of it that was safe to tell back to Sylv.

Between the kids and Sylv, I was seeing someone I wanted to see more or less every day. For the first time in a long time, my life was starting to feel full.


	6. Chapter 6

There came a day in the autumn when the weather turned strange. Too humid, so my hair kept wilting, even in the early morning hours, and every time I touched something metal in my apartment, I got a little shock.

Sylv came by and knocked on my door that morning. “Hello, darling. Has anyone warned you about this weather?”

“Huh? What’s there to know, besides that it’s sticky and annoying?”

“Well, it’s always seemed to make the monsters get a little excitable when it happens. Nothing like how it was with you-know-who up in the sky, but last year the guards said it got close to how it was, oh, an average day five years ago. Nothing you can’t handle, I’m sure, but I thought I’d let you know in case you were going out today. I didn’t want you to be caught off guard.”

I stared at him, suddenly on the verge of panic. I took a deep breath. “Right. Thanks. Uh. Actually, I’m not feeling great today. Could you maybe do me a huge favor and run by the casino, tell them I need the day off?”

Sylv’s face turned worried. “Of course I can. Do you need anything else?”

“No. I’ll be fine. Thank you.” I forced a smile. “Heh. An unexpected visit from The Great Sylvando? Try not to give my boss a heart attack.”

He gave me another concerned look with his goodbye, but I was too distracted to try to reassure him further while I shut the door. I took a couple minutes to find my second pair of knives and stash them on my person, and I headed out of town.

One of the gate guards wanted to give me the same warning Sylv already had, and I shoved another smile onto my face as I interrupted him. “I know, I know. I can handle myself, though.” I pointedly put a hand on one of the knives at my waist, then nodded at the gate. He shrugged and let me through.

I saw monsters watching the road. One of them started moving towards me. I started running. I didn’t have time to deal with them, not if they were making time to try to deal with me.

It felt like days before I got in sight of the cave. I saw a monster coming out of it, and my pulse started pounding in my ears.

Then I heard a miraculous voice call from another direction. “Erik!” I had enough presence of mind to slow down and turn to look.

There they were, all four of them, up in a tree. Safe, at least for the moment. Brilliant kids. A pair of plant monsters thrashed around underneath them, too small to reach them at that height. I dashed forward and turned my fury on the things, taking a knife in each hand and cutting them to pieces, leaving a mess of severed vines and petals.

When I was done, I looked around to make sure nothing else was sneaking up on me, and then I looked up into the tree. “Hi.”

“Erik! You came for us?” said Serafito.

“Yeah, I was really worried about you guys. I didn’t know this happened around here.”

“What’s going on? Are the monsters going to be bad again now?” asked Isabella, her voice high and anxious.

“Sylv...Uh, somebody I know says they’re only like this because of the weather. I don’t know how long it’s going to last.”

“Do you think we’re safe up here?”

I scanned the area and tried to remember what kind of flying or climbing monsters I’d ever heard of in the area. There weren’t any in sight, but I remembered something bird-shaped. I definitely remembered some big slimes, and I didn’t want to count on myself knowing how high they could jump.

“I’d rather get you guys somewhere a lot safer. Do you have anywhere that you can stay out of sight and shut the door behind you? Or better yet, you could all come back to my place in Puerto Valor to lay low.”

“I want to go with Erik,” said Paz.

“If we go with you, you still can’t tell anyone about us,” said Serafito.

“I don’t think we have much choice, Fito,” Isabella said softly.

“Look, I won’t tell anyone about you if you don’t want me to. I’m just gonna feel a whole lot better if I know you’re safe,” I said.

“How are we going to get there?” asked Isabella.

I took a deep breath and scanned the landscape. “I should be able to take down anything that’s out here. But you’ll need to be ready to run in case a bunch of them come after us at once. Make sure I’m between you and any monsters, and if anything gets too close, you run until you’re not close to any monsters and nothing’s coming towards you. Okay? Paz and Ana, pick somebody’s hand to hold.”

The little ones started crying. My forehead scrunched up in sympathy. “Hey. It’s going to be okay. I’ve fought way scarier things. I’ll keep you safe.”

“We’ll carry them,” said Isabella, sounding a little steadier now. “Come on, we’ll do piggy-back rides. Okay?”

I nodded approval. It meant that the older pair wouldn’t be any use in a fight, even if they had any combat skill to speak of, but that was just as well. I preferred to take that whole job myself rather than let amateurs risk themselves.

We set off at a slow pace. I didn’t want anyone to get too tired to be able to run if the need arose. I made a point of charging any monsters that came too close by. A few of them ran away. Some stood their ground, and I cut them down as efficiently as I could.

A weird sense of relaxation came over me by the time we made it halfway back to town. The earlier panic had faded, and the kids were fine, and the fighting was easy enough. These monsters were nothing compared to what I’d faced going into every dark corner of Erdrea with the old gang.

I was still worried enough about getting the fights over with quickly that I rushed, taking a couple risks that didn't leave much margin of error for getting away unscathed. Another flower monster caught at my shirt and tore it a little. One of the tiny imitation knights riding on a slime might have managed to cut a lock of my hair while I was looking the other way. But I didn't feel anything land a solid blow.

I caught a break and circled back to the kids. Serafito and Paz were watching me with wide eyes. Ana was crying and clutching Isabella’s hair. Isabella nervously scanned the countryside.

“Everyone okay?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Isabella answered.

“Can you teach me to do that?” Serafito asked.

“Maybe. It’s a lot of work to get good at it.”

“I don’t mind.”

“We’ll have to find a knife that fits your hand.”

“Can we?”

“We’ll figure it out later, okay?” I said, spotting another little cluster of monsters gathering ahead of us.

  


* * *

  


We finally made it to town. They’d closed the gates again, of course, but they opened them up in a hurry when they saw us, and no monsters too close behind us.

“All right, caballero?” one of the guards asked me.

I looked at him sideways as I walked past. Weird to have somebody treat me like one of the knightly heroes of the town who were always going on about the Code. “Yeah, we’re good, thanks.”

He gave me a respectful nod. I shook my head after we passed him by.

I took the kids past my apartment building and circled through the back alley to make it less obvious to anyone watching where I was taking them. Not many folks were out on the street, anyway. I supposed the monster business had everyone a bit nervous.

I opened my door and waved my charges inside. “Make yourselves at home. Sorry I don’t have more chairs. You can sit on the bed if you want.”

They all ended up on the bed, huddled together. I rubbed a hand through my hair, self-conscious with the sudden realization that I’d acquired guests without planning ahead in any way. “So, uh, you guys hungry? Sorry, dumb question, I found you in a tree. I have some rice. I’ll make porridge.”

I busied myself at the little stove. My cooking pot, which had seemed excessively large when I acquired it, looked a lot smaller when I filled it over the halfway mark.

Ana was the first to speak up while I worked on the food. “How long are the monsters going to stay?”

“I’m not sure. As long as the weather’s like this, I guess. Sounded like it wasn’t too long, last year. I can ask my pal Sylvando when I see him.”

“Who’s Sylvando?”

I smiled, imagining that wasn’t a common question in Puerto Valor. “He’s a nice guy who lives in this town. We traveled together for a while. He runs the theater outside town, now.”

“You aren’t going to tell him about us, are you?” Isabella said.

“I won’t tell anybody about you unless you want me to,” I said.

“Promise?” she said.

“I promise.”

I knew as I said it that it might come back to bite me, later. But I meant to stick to it. I remembered what it was like to be looking out for myself around that age and to have to deal with people who figured promises to a kid didn’t need to mean anything. Besides, I could tell they weren’t completely happy to be here, more or less in somebody else’s power, and I wasn’t going to begrudge them a little sense of control over their situation. I saw Isabella's shoulders relax a little.

Serafito spoke next. “How long does it take to learn to fight like that?”

“Huh. A while. I’m probably better than most knife fighters,” I said, humbly deciding to not claim to be the best in the world. “I picked up some of it as a kid, and I used it a lot in the past five years. I spent a lot of time traveling with, uh, a team of other fighters. We did a lot of fighting. Plus, I learned a lot from training with them.”

“What happened to your team? Are they still alive?”

Serafito’s question startled me. “Yeah, they’re fine. We finished what we were working on together and everyone went home.”

“I thought you didn’t live here before,” said Isabella.

“I didn’t. I just moved in this summer.”

“You didn’t have a home?”

“No, not really. This is the first time I’ve lived in a town, with a door that locks.”

The kids started to look more relaxed as they peppered me with questions about my past. I shared more freely than I did with most people. I tried to steer the conversation away from my career in thievery, not wanting to give them ideas, and I didn’t want to freak them out by talking about the scarier monsters I’d encountered, but I talked about living in odd abandoned corners of the slums, and exploring the world, and Mia traveling with me, and learning to cooperate with a big team of fighters.

I fixed up the porridge with a little extra honey than I usually used, and some butter and dried fruit. “Uh, I only have the two bowls. You guys mind sharing with each other?”

“We do anyway,” Isabella said. 

“Okay. Here’s the first round. There’s plenty more.”

I watched them eat. The older kids were hungry enough to eat with their fingers instead of waiting for the younger pair to finish with the spoons. I felt a little warm feeling at the thought that they felt secure enough to trust that everyone was going to have enough to eat, so they didn’t have to worry about who got how much of their rations.

  


* * *

  


It was evening when I heard a knock. Sylv’s familiar habit of drumming a little arbitrary rhythm on my door. “Just a minute!” I called. Then, very softly, I warned the kids, “That’s going to be Sylv. If you don’t want anyone to know, you’d better hide.”

They immediately looked around. Serafito gestured, and all four of them ducked and rolled underneath my bed.

I took one more instant to try to school a crooked smile off of my face before I opened the door and leaned against the frame instead of inviting Sylv in.

“Hello, darling. Are you feeling better?” His face was all sympathy.

“I’m okay. How’s the town?”

“No word of trouble. Sounds like even the folks on the road made it in okay.” Then his forehead scrunched up a little and he leaned towards me. “You went out today, didn’t you.”

“Huh?”

“Your face is scratched.” He met my eyes for a moment with a too-serious expression, then raised a hand and touched my jaw with his fingertips. I caught my breath, because for a wild second it registered as a startlingly intimate gesture, and I thought he meant something by it, and I had no idea what to do.

Then I caught the glow of his slow healing magic, and I realized he was just falling into an old dynamic, filling in whatever role was needed in a fighting team. I decided he was acknowledging that I had the right and capability to fight if I wanted to, and he would just be there to support me if I needed it.

“Thanks, Sylv,” I said as he withdrew his hand. I felt the warmth of the healing spell linger longer than I remembered.

“Is that enough? Tell me if you’re still injured.” That was a stern command. I smiled.

“I’m fine. Didn’t even know that one was there until you pointed it out. Appreciate it.”

Sylv nodded. “Everything’s okay? You can let me know if you want company on one of your outings, you know, honey.”

“I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks, Sylv.” That didn’t seem like quite enough, especially given the fact that I was about to try to send him away, so I reached out and pressed a hand against his elbow for a second. “Sorry to worry you. Everything’s fine, but I am pretty tired.”

“All right. I’ll leave you be.”

“I’ll swing by your place tomorrow night?” I said, still wanting to smooth away the lingering awkwardness I felt about pushing him away again.

“Sure, darling.” I got a smile out of him, and I returned it, feeling marginally better as I waved and closed the door.

"That was Sylv?" asked Isabella, leading the crawl out from under the bed.

"Yep."

"Are you engaged or something?"

I gaped at her. "What?"

"He called you darling.”

"Uh, he just talks like that. To literally everyone."

"Oh."

And he wasn’t shy about touching anyone, either, if he thought it would help anything. Not that he had to touch somebody to heal them. But he'd done it before, now and then. I thought it was usually intended as an extra bit of comfort. Maybe I'd come across as spooked, while I was busy trying not to look suspicious. Maybe I had been a little spooked, because it had been comforting.

Anyway, he wasn't even my type. I remembered coming up with reasons why, though I was too preoccupied to recall the list right now. But it occurred to me that I probably wasn’t his type, either. Sylv was a lot of things, but he wasn’t shy, and if he’d wanted to start something, he would have asked by now.

I grabbed that idea and stuffed it down next to the other, reinforcing the understanding that this wasn’t like that. I felt sensible, safer for thinking about it this way. Staying rational about him meant that this time around, I wouldn’t throw away whatever we did have in a fit of panic, later. And I definitely didn’t want to lose whatever we had.

Serafito spoke up before I had time to dwell further on the subject, and my attention went fully back to the kids. "What are we going to do tomorrow?" he asked.

"Huh, well, we'll see what the weather does,” I said. “I’ll need to go to work, but you can either stay here or...I guess it's up to all of you, if everything's safe again. I'll feel better if you stay here for a few nights at least, though. Don't really want to find out the weather's gonna shift back and leave you in another tree all morning again."

"You don't mind if we stay tomorrow?" Isabella asked.

"Nah, it's fine. I can leave you the key. Just make sure to leave it, uh, let's say under the mattress? If you decide to skip town and you can't find me to give it back."

"Okay," she said with a small crease in her forehead, but she didn’t ask any more questions.

I gave up my bed for the girls, unrolled my bedroll for the boys, and I laid down on the floor nearby.

"Aren't you going to get cold?" asked Paz.

"It's got to get a lot colder than this before it bothers me. I grew up where the snow doesn't even melt all the way, most summers."

I had a moment after I blew out my lantern when I wondered if I was about to grow uneasy, the way I sometimes did if I had to share a room with unfamiliar company, or if I had to sleep in an insecure location. But it didn’t happen. All I felt was a kind of satisfaction: the same feeling I tended to get when Mia was with nearby at night, or the early, less complicated days of traveling with Brick. The sense that I had someone to protect, and I was doing a good job of it, and all was right with the world.


	7. Chapter 7

I brought back some breakfast in the morning, and I sat with the kids. “It seems like the weather’s better today, but I don’t know if it’ll stick. If you want to stay a while longer, you can.”

Isabella and Serafito exchanged a look. “You don’t mind?” Isabella said.

“Nah. It’s nice to have company,” I said.

“We could stay for a bit.”

“Okay. The local kids tend to wander around town, and so do some of the tourist kids, so you can check the place out if you want to. I’ll bring some bread and cheese back here in case you get hungry. I’m going to run out and pick up a couple things before I have to head to work.”

I left my key with Isabella. I knew if I needed to, I could pick the lock to my door. I’d tested that my first night in the place.

I picked up three more bowls and some more bedrolls on my morning market visit. No harm in making a better space for guests, even if these guests hadn’t decided to stay for a long time.

  


* * *

  


One more day turned into two, and three. The kids told me they’d stuck inside the first day, but they went outside by the second to carefully explore the town.

I showed the older kids how to cook a couple of things and left them a small kitchen knife and supplies. They welcomed me home one night and shyly presented me with a bowl of porridge. It was nearly cold and a little lumpy, but I was stupidly impressed as if they’d invented it.

Then it was a week.

They started asking me more personal questions. I answered openly while they asked about trivia like my job and how long I’d been in town and places I’d lived, and I shared more bits from my childhood, glossing over the worst of it only a little.

I hesitated when they worked their way to the part of my life when I’d started traveling with Derk and with Brick.

“You don’t have to tell us,” Isabella said while I paused.

But I didn’t have a reason to keep this secret besides my own pride, and I was already in the habit of freely telling them anything that I didn’t think would give them nightmares. I didn’t think Calasmos would make a reassuring story for them after their recent monster scare, heroic victory notwithstanding, but it seemed fine to talk about people I'd known.

So I admitted, “It’s just that I had a couple of good friends back then, but they both liked somebody else better than me, and I got mad at them for that. So I ended up leaving without saying goodbye, and I haven’t seen them since.”

Isabella and Serafito both frowned at me. Isabella said, “That’s stupid, Erik. You should see them. What if...something happened to them, and then you couldn’t ever see them again?”

That one hit me like a whole pile of bricks. First, because I knew she had to be speaking from experience, that she’d had friends and lost them. Second, because I knew that kind of loss. I might have managed to forget my parents, but what happened to Mia was still sharp in my memory. Third, because she was right. The idea of something happening to Derk or Brick while my stupidity was still hanging between us was intolerable.

I tilted my head back and stared at the ceiling, trying to let the air dry the sudden moisture from my eyes.

“Sorry,” muttered Isabella.

“No, it’s okay,” I managed. “You’re right. You really are. Thanks. I probably needed to hear that.” Someday. Someday soon, maybe I really would go and attempt to fix what I’d broken.

  


* * *

  


Two weeks. Some threshold passed where they stopped asking every night if I minded if they stayed the next day. I didn’t realize for a couple of days. Then I went out and bought all of them a fresh set of clothing. It was secondhand, and a couple pieces were slightly too big, but it was in good repair.

“Why?” said Isabella.

“You guys started growing. I’m not good with tailoring. Hope you don’t mind it’s used.”

“It’s nice. Thanks.” She didn’t pursue any of the other possible layers to her question.

  


* * *

  


I kept up my habitual social gatherings, though I made a point of preemptively swinging by Sylvando’s place more often so he wouldn’t feel the need to come to mine. I kept smiling over nothing when he asked me how I was doing, so after a little while I started making an effort to build up a stockpile of silly stories from the casino to share with him, since I was still under my promise to the kids not to talk about them.

Sometimes I found myself stuck in some kind of caretaker mode so that it spilled over when I visited with Sylv right after spending time with the kids. One little picnic lunch on the beach, the breeze picked up, and I spotted Sylv shivering.

“Are you cold?” I asked.

“It’s not that bad.”

“You know I can’t tell when it’s cold enough to start bothering normal people.”

“Oh, it’s a little chilly, but it’s worth it for the sunshine. It won’t stay this pretty every day while winter’s coming on, even here.”

“I guess, but...Okay, here. Hold still.” I stood up and stepped off of the blanket he’d set out on the sand for us to share. Then I lifted the corner up, shook it to try to get some of the sand off, and I pulled my half of the blanket up and around Sylv’s shoulders. I let go and plopped back down on the cool sand next to him.

He gave me a startled, wide-eyed look, then started laughing. “All right. Thank you very much, sweetheart.” He smiled at me just long enough that I started feeling self-conscious, and then he tugged the blanket a little closer around himself and turned his smile out at the sea.

  


* * *

  


I started to pay attention a little differently during the weekly outings with my co-workers, too. Suddenly the people with families were a lot more interesting, and I hung on every word about birthday parties and picture books.

I wasn’t the best at reading, but I could work my way through a book if I wanted to. I went to a bookstore and brought home a couple of kids’ books. One for teaching letters, and one that was just a nice little story.

I sat on the bed and brought out my offering. Paz and Ana lit up at the colorful drawings and crowded up next to me, leaning over my arms to get a closer look at the first one. Even I learned something from it, stumbling over unexpected pages in the middle of the alphabet. I guessed it was a quirk of writing in Puerto Valor, because Derk had never taught some of this to me, and I wondered if the double-L belonged in Isabella’s name if I ever tried to write it out.

Then I reached for the second book, and while my arm was out of her way, Ana climbed into my lap as if I was Isabella.

She stayed there all through the story, then asked if I could read it again.

That was the first night I admitted to myself that I loved these kids, and I really didn’t want them to leave.

  


* * *

  


I started looking for ways to treat the kids to a little bit more. I brought home fresh fruit, and sweets, and meat. All the things I’d gone without for months or years at some points in my life. I brought home another book, and bits of ribbon, and soft blankets.

Once I let it slip that I knew how to do a quick and simple hair braid, the girls started asking me to do it every morning. I didn’t dare to do it exactly the same way I’d done it for Mia before she started doing it on her own, lest she somehow turn up out of nowhere and take offense, so I gave them low braids from the base of the neck instead. They didn’t seem to mind.

I taught all of them how to hold a knife. We practiced a bit with sticks. I told them they should always try to run from monsters for now, and they shouldn’t ever use the knives against another person unless they were seriously in fear for their lives and they had no other choice, because it was good odds you’d seriously hurt someone who didn’t really deserve it, or you’d fail to hurt someone who did. I picked up some small belt knives for Serafito and Isabella, and the belts and sheathes to go with them.

We went out into the countryside together on some of my days off, and we swapped information about what was good to eat from what grew wild out here. The kids knew a lot more than I did about the local fruits and roots. I told them about what I’d seen near Heliodor.

They asked a lot of questions about Heliodor. They seemed awed by the idea of a city that was several times the size of Puerto Valor. They wanted to hear all about the castle, and the big fancy houses, and the streets full of shops, and the open-air stage. Then they seemed just as fascinated when I told them about the slums.

“Maybe we can go there,” said Paz.

“Do you think we could? Sometime?” Serafito asked.

“I want to see the poofy dresses,” said Ana.

“We shouldn’t make Erik go all that way just because we want to see it,” Isabella said.

“Well, I should probably look in on my old partner, Derk, sometime,” I said. I thought it wouldn’t be as hard as facing Brick, since at least I hadn’t humiliated myself in front of Derk, and I’d seen him a couple of times after the distance between us had begun, so my absence hadn’t been as awkwardly abrupt. “Let me think about it.”

But it was a long way to walk, and even though I figured we would make it just fine, I wasn’t sure the kids would think it was worth it after days of travel.

Then I remembered Sylv talking about a fast carriage service to Heliodor and back, one partly covered by the theater profits, designed to enable the lower class to attend.

  


* * *

  


I asked him about it when I saw him. “Hey, how expensive are those special carriages during theater downtime?”

“Not terribly. They’re still subsidized, since the horses still need food and exercise. Are you thinking of taking a trip to Heliodor?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Hmm. Feel like company?”

“Uh.” I tugged at my hair. “Maybe another time? I kind of want some time to think on the way.”

“All right, honey.”

“Sorry. It’s not that I’d mind your company, it’s just…” I sighed, stuck with my secret.

“It’s okay. It’s a pretty long time to be cooped up in a tiny moving room with me.” He smiled, like he thought it was funny.

“That’s really not it!” I said, a little more emphatically than I’d intended. “Just, not this time.”

He tilted his head at me. “Okay. You don’t have to tell me all your secrets. Although, any time you want to, feel free. I’m excellent at keeping them, you know.”

Of course he’d figured out that there was a secret. Oddly, it made me feel better to have the fact of it in the open, if not the detail. “I would, Sylv, but this one isn’t mine to share.” I gave him an apologetic smile.

He looked surprised for a moment, then gave me an amused smile, warmer than he’d been any other time we’d bumped up against the subject of what I was keeping from him. “I see. Okay, darling. I won’t pry.” 

I wondered if he found it funny to think about me facing the same problem I’d given him by making him keep my presence a secret from Brick and our other old companions. I could certainly appreciate the irony.

  


* * *

  


The trip to Heliodor was the laziest bit of travel I’d ever done, short of Brick tossing us straight from one town to the next with his teleportation magic. We opened the windows and let the scenery fly by. They had stations along the road to switch in fresh horses, so we went fast the whole way. I’d splurged a little bit and booked the entire carriage just for us, and we had a decent amount of room. In spite of the relative luxury and the fast pace, it wasn’t anywhere near as pricey as I’d feared. I got the feeling the driver was eager to have something to do.

I briefly envisioned turning up at the castle and dropping in on Jade and Hendrik unannounced, four children in tow. But that would certainly involve breaking my promise to the kids, and they deserved better than to be my conversational shield for that sort of visit, anyway. Plus, I didn’t really want to drop in on Heliodoran royalty unannounced, regardless of whether or not they might be prepared to receive me.

Instead, I took us to an inn room straight away. It was already dark when we arrived, and I picked one of the simple inns in the middle of town.

We grabbed some food in the common room, then piled into a bedroom that was bigger than all of us were used to. Paz and Ana shared one of the four fluffy beds, and the rest of us took one each.

In the morning, I put on a hood and spent a couple hours taking the kids around the center of the city with my hair covered. They got to see the fancy dresses, the busy shops, the long crowded streets. I took them up for a look at the castle from a distance, and I coaxed them away from it with the lure of a candy shop.

Then they started pestering me about the place I’d lived before. I gestured towards downtown, and Paz and Ana took my hands and started tugging me in that direction. I looked down at them and smiled. At least I knew I didn’t need to be ashamed of my past with any of them.

So I squared my shoulders and led them to the slums.

  


* * *

  


It was better than I remembered. The buildings had hardly any gaping holes. There were shutters and doors on most of them, sometimes with new-looking paint.

I saw a couple of kids watching us as we walked into the street. Then I did a double-take. I recognized this pair. They’d been hardly as tall as my waist last time I’d seen them. They’d grown at least a head taller. Part of the little gang that begged every morning until they had enough to eat, then spent the day playing hide and seek, or watching people pass by. I remembered coming through once with Brick and discovering that they’d been gifted a little shed of a house that was on par with the best choice of sleeping space that could be found in the slums back then.

These kids recognized me, too. One of them glanced cautiously at my gang of kids, then approached as I raised a hand in greeting.

“Hi, Erik,” he said.

“Hey there, Flint,” I said, and to my relief, I must have gotten his name right, because he smiled.

“What're you doin’ here?” He glanced at Serafito again.

“We’re just visiting for a day. How’s the neighborhood?”

He seemed to relax a little bit. “It’s pretty good. They moved a lot of the rubbish out, and guards come through here now, but they’re nice to us. One of them brings us muffins sometimes.”

I smiled. “That’s good. Anything new worth checking out?”

“Well, there’s a cafe. I could show you, if you wanna buy us breakfast.”

I grinned. “Okay, deal. Uh, if you guys don’t mind?” I glanced at Isabella.

“Sure,” she said, less hesitant than I expected. I guessed strange kids weren’t as suspect as strange adults.

Flint waved to his companion, and then another couple of kids joined us as we headed down the street. I hid a grin behind my hand. It was a pretty good gimmick to pull on out of town tourists. Invite yourself and then act like the mark had agreed to buy for all your friends.

I didn’t mind. We pushed together two tables and sat down at a pleasant little restaurant. I wondered if this was how rich parents normally felt when they hosted a birthday party for a bunch of kids.

There were a few slow minutes while the kids felt each other out, but then I really didn’t have to do much to keep anyone entertained after that. All the careful secrecy from my group melted away when facing another group of wild kids. They figured out straight away that they had a lot in common, and then it was a whole lot of excitement over talking about tips and tricks for surviving on their own in different settings, and cool tricks they’d pulled on dumb adults.

“Your hair looks like Erik’s,” said Paz to a boy with dark blue, spiked hair. I wracked my brain and came up with the name Cammo. I remembered him being called the King of Hide-and-Seek.

Cammo cast a quick look up at me, then looked away, a little bit red. “So?”

The lone local girl and the fourth boy snickered together. Crystal and Mica. I’d only picked up their names in today’s introductions.

“Cammo always thought Erik was brilliant,” said Crystal.

“Leave off, will you?” said Cammo.

“So did you, Crystal,” said Mica.

“Oh, like you didn’t?” said Crystal.

I laughed a little and reached absentmindedly for my hair. My hood was in the way, so I just tugged on that. “Geez, you make me sound like a celebrity.”

“You was the one we all wanted to be. The guards never took you nowhere for ages, and you kept givin’ us stuff to eat,” said Crystal.

I’d nearly forgotten about the food. At the time, I’d rationalized that it was useful to have some kids on my side, and the information they brought me had easily been worth the cost of a meal now and then. I’d relied on their intel more than once, because people talked in front of little kids, and Cammo in particular had a habit of hiding where he could listen in without anyone even knowing he was there.

I let them order too much food, today, and they ate like they’d never tasted eggs and sausage before. Probably wasn’t too common in their diet, I guessed. It’d hardly even been available in this part of town back when I’d lived here. Isabella kept refilling their plates for them, and she flushed a little when she caught me smiling at her.

“You guys wanna play hide-and-seek?” asked Cammo. He looked stuffed enough that I idly wondered if he would even fit in whatever his usual hiding spots were.

“Can we?” Serafito looked at me, then Isabella.

I looked at Cammo. “How’s the neighborhood? Is it safe enough for strangers to be going around hiding?”

He nodded seriously. “Should be. Ain’t none of the dangerous spots open now that they came in and did a bunch of buildin’. They got rid of a bunch of the best hidin’ spots. And there ain’t none of the really bad guys left round here, neither. They all got pinched by now.”

I nodded. “Well, it’s up to you,” I said, looking at Isabella and then Serafito. “I can keep showing you around for a bit…”

“We’re fine,” Isabella interrupted me. “We can handle ourselves. Anyway, aren’t you going to go see your friend?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess I should. Okay, you remember our meeting spot? And if you get in any big trouble, ask for Derk’s item shop uptown, right?”

“Yeah. We’ll see you later.”

I guessed my gang hadn’t had a chance to make any real friends for quite a while. I could take a hint. Besides, I knew I was stalling, and I knew that wasn’t going to make anything easier.

So I said my goodbye, and I headed uptown.

  


* * *

  


There was a customer at the counter when I stepped through the door. And there was Derk on the other side.

I froze up, one hand holding the door open, watching him. The round, smiling face, animated and friendly while he talked up his wares. In a way, he was a lot like Sylvando, I thought inanely. Maybe a touch more self-interested in his friendliness, but I believed he did genuinely like people.

He glanced toward me, and called, “Be with you in a minute! Come on in, make yourself at home!”

It stung for a second that he didn’t recognize me, or else he was acting like he didn’t. I forced my feet to move anyway, and I let the door close behind me, and I turned to the nearest display, though I couldn’t have told you what I was looking at.

I cast another glance at Derk, and his eyes met mine, and he threw a generic smile my way as he accepted a handful of coins from the customer. 

Then Derk’s mouth fell open, and he dropped the coins on the countertop with a sharp jangling sound, and I jumped. He shouted, “Erik? Erik! Erik, me old mucker! Erik!”

My mouth kicked into gear ahead of my brain, reverting to an old habit of banter in the absence of any better plan. “That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.”

Then he was dashing around the counter and towards me, business forgotten. I braced myself as he barreled into me and threw his arms around my waist.

I started laughing, a little giddy with relief, and I squeezed him around the shoulders in return. “Hey, Derk. Long time no see.”

“You can say that again! I lost track of how many times I thought I saw your silhouette in the doorway, and then the one day I figure I’m wrong, I’m finally right after all! How the heck have you been? Did you get taller? I think you got taller!”

“I dunno. Uh, I’m good! How about you? Shop’s looking good. You gonna take care of your customer?”

“Me what? Oh! Right. Just a minute.” He flipped a sign in the window to mark the shop closed, and dashed back to attend to the bewildered customer at the counter.

He nearly shooed them out of the shop when they finished up, then turned to give me a grin. “There! Now I’ve got all day to catch up, if you can spare it. Come on upstairs! I’ll ask Opal if she’s got enough hot water for a fresh pot of tea.”

I followed him, marveling at the richness of his house. “I still kinda can’t get over how different your place is from where we used to hang out.”

“Oh, it ain’t so far off from some of the places we used to hang out. Difference is, we’re both invited this time.” He winked, and I laughed.

He led me to a side room, and we sat on chairs with some fancy pattern carved into the arms. Opal appeared, greeted me with a baffling amount of affection, made small talk for a few minutes, then said, “One knows one’s husband will be wanting time to catch up. He has been looking forward to this moment for a long while.” Then she vanished into some other part of the house.

I watched her go, eyeing the startlingly round shape of her. “Is she...Are you…”

“Yup, we’ve a little one on the way.” Derk ran a hand over the back of his head. “I’m chuffed to bits, but I’m also scared out of me mind. What do I know about raising a kid? What if I get it all wrong?”

I smiled at my hands, thinking of my little gang, wondering what Derk would make of that if I was free to tell him. “I dunno, but I bet you’ll be way better than, well, a lot of alternatives to having you as a dad.”

“Oi, Erik! It always bowls me over when you bust out a big old compliment like that. You go an age where you’re all business, and then bam, one nice thing leaves a fella reelin’ for days.”

I chuckled. “Not like you. Always have a kind word for everyone. Half the time it was so they wouldn’t mind too much when they found your hand in their pocket, but I think you even meant it those times, too.”

“Oh, that takes me back. We had some good times, but I have to tell you, I’m glad to be out of that business. I never was all that good at it. Not like you.” He gave me a sideways glance. “You still...No, don’t tell me. I probably shouldn’t know.”

I laughed. “I’ve been out for a while, too. Been working in a casino, over in Puerto Valor.”

“Me old boy Erik, makin’ a downright honest living! There’s a thing I didn’t expect to hear when I got out of bed this morning.” He shook his head.

We chatted on through two cups of tea, and it was easy like coming home. Like we’d never parted ways. Like we were partners again, and every casual thought was fair game to pass between us. Like the middle days of our time together, when we were close, but I wasn’t quite caught up in impossible dreams.

Derk was nothing but welcoming, and the only hint of uneasiness was what I’d brought with me. I let it sit in the back of my mind, but it kept itching, and it made me stare at nothing for a moment too long during a pause in the conversation, and Derk asked me what was wrong.

I looked up at him and gave him a half-smile. “I was just thinking, I knew before I came here that it was stupid not to visit sooner, but now I know it was really, really stupid. Sorry. I’m not a very good friend.”

“Ah, well, you know. I always knew Heliodor was a big city, but it wasn’t big enough to hold you, not while you still had those wanderin’ feet. Not while you were missin’ a girl to tie you down to one spot. I’m just glad you’ve come by again, now.”

“Thanks, Derk. It’s been really good to see you again.”

As I headed back out into the streets late that afternoon, I probed at my heart. I was done being irrationally upset or hurt over Opal, I decided. I thought I could even manage simple friendship, now. I was feeling affection, yes, but I thought it was something I could handle. It wasn’t like those final days, with the question of “what else?” hanging over me, that secret promise in the back of my mind that we would always be together, that we were only ever going to grow closer. I knew where I stood with him, now, and it helped.

Once again, I found myself comparing Derk to Sylvando. Someone I could trust. Someone whose company I enjoyed. Someone I wanted to keep in my life. I wasn’t prepared to move away from the life I was building in Puerto Valor, but I looked forward to the idea of more visits like this one. Maybe I’d even take up writing letters.

  


* * *

  


I found the kids easily enough. Their hide-and-seek had evidently evolved into a game of pure tag, and they dashed around the little cul-de-sac at one end of the long downtown street, breathless and laughing. I found a spot to lean against the wall and watch.

Isabella spotted me, and she stopped to wave, and she got herself tagged for her trouble. “Okay, okay! You got me. But look, Erik’s here.”

“Hi, Erik!” I heard my name in a chorus of cheerful voices.

“Do we need to go back to the inn now?” Isabella asked.

“Pretty soon, yeah. It’s going to get dark here shortly.”

“Okay. But we were wondering if everyone could come and stay with us, too? At the inn, I mean.”

I blinked, and I glanced at Crystal, who was the nearest of the local kids. “Don’t you guys have a good spot, here? I thought I remembered you having a house for yourselves.”

Crystal looked at her shoes. “Well, we did for a while. But a guy came and said it was his house now and we had to leave. It wasn’t his! The old man said it was ours. But he died, so we couldn’t ask him to talk to the other guy.”

I scowled. “How about I go have a word with this guy.” I didn’t really know what I was planning to do, but I was suddenly angry, and I couldn’t leave without trying something.

The kids led me to within pointing distance of the house. Like everything around here, it was in better shape than I remembered. I waved the kids back to wait at a distance, and I knocked on the door, my mouth fixed in a hard line.

A young woman opened the door. She was younger than me, and she held the tiniest looking baby in her arms.

“Hello?” she murmured softly. “Sorry, I just got her to sleep, so I don’t want to be too loud.”

“Uh.” My righteous anger fizzled and died. “You, uh, live here?”

“Yes.”

“Uh. How...how long?”

“A couple of months. Oh, it’s been a blessin’ to have a good house with the new baby. Why do you ask? Did you used to live in the neighborhood?”

“Um, yeah, I did. Uh, look, sorry to bother you. Thanks for your time.”

I left her looking bewildered, and I drifted back to the kids, unhappy. "Okay, I don't really know what to do with that. Did you know about the girl with the baby?"

"I saw her in there a couple times, but I guess she doesn’t go in or out very often," said Cammo. “Figured she was visiting.”

I sighed. "Well, look, I don't wanna try to figure out her deal tonight, and I don't like kicking a baby out of a house either. You guys wanna stay with us at the inn tonight, and we'll figure out anything else tomorrow?"

"Sure, no problem," said Flint. He gave me a little smile that I figured meant he hadn't really expected some adult to solve their problem anyway, and that lodged a chunk of sadness somewhere in my chest.

The luxurious four beds got a little more crowded as everyone doubled up. Isabella invited Crystal to share with her and Ana. Paz invited himself to share with me.

"Okay, kid, if you want to," I said, still astonished and charmed every time one of the little ones wanted to cuddle with me.

The warm presence at my side took a bit of the edge off my worry as I lay awake in the dark, but didn’t solve it. I didn't like leaving the Heliodor kids in their current situation. No good place to sleep, too old to earn the best charity with begging, too young to get a good apprenticeship, and it sounded like the increased guard presence was making the city less favorable than ever for pickpockets and thieves.

I fell asleep trying to fumble my way through rough math in my head, speculating how well my salary might cover four extra mouths.

  


* * *

  


In the morning, I found out Isabella must have been having similar thoughts. She went downstairs with me to fetch some breakfast for the room, and on the way, she said, "I really like the kids staying with us."

"Yeah, me too," I said.

"Do you think they would ever want to leave Heliodor?"

"I don't know. You'd have to ask them."

"Do you think...I guess it would be...Um. Erik? How long do you want us to stay with you?" She cast an anxious look up at me.

I was a little startled by the outright question, but I turned to look at her. "As long as you want to stay, Isabella. I really like having all of you around."

She let out a big sigh of relief at that. Then she looked down at the trays of food we were carrying and said, "I guess it would be pretty crowded if we had more people living with us."

It was almost a question. "Huh. You want the other kids to stay with us?"

She peered up at my face again. "You're already doing a lot for us, aren't you? I just, I really like them. I wish we could help them."

I sighed. "I'd like to help them too. I don't know if they'll accept our help, though. And you're right. You guys wouldn't have as much space if they joined us, and I couldn’t offer to buy as many different kinds of things for you guys."

She brightened at that. "We wouldn't mind that."

Then we were at the door to the room. Hands full, I tapped with my toe for a knock, and Serafito let us inside. I set down my tray in the middle of a strangely loaded silence.

Paz was the first one to speak. "Erik! Erik, can they come…"

Mica clapped a hand over the younger boy's mouth. "Shh, let us!"

Flint spoke up next. "Erik, we was talking, and…Please let us come with you!" he finished in a sudden rush, as if he’d had a speech planned and then forgotten it at the last second.

"You don't gotta feed us all the time, we can mostly take care of ourselves, but it's gonna be winter and we don't got a good place," said Cammo.

"If some of us sleep under the bed I think we would all fit in the apartment," Serafito said.

Paz escaped his restraint and exclaimed, "Can they stay with us, Erik?"

"Can they stay with us?" Ana echoed.

"Most adults are stupid," said Mica. "But we know you. I’m pretty sure we can trust you."

Crystal nodded. "Serafito says they ain't never had to run away since they stayed with you. I don't wanna live with weird pretend parents, and I don't wanna get split up from me boys, but if we can stay together, I wanna try somewhere new."

I spared one thought for Derk, anxious over how he and his wife were going to take care of a single child in a fancy mansion, and I had to hold in a laugh. It worked its way onto my face and came out in a dumb grin, because even though it might be a stupid choice by some measures, I already knew I wanted to do it.

“Okay, sounds like it’s unanimous. I’m in,” I said.

The room erupted into cheers and excited chatter, and I laughed, because never in a million years would I have guessed this fate for myself, but I wanted it, wanted to see every day that all these kids were safe and well, wanted to know that I’d helped bring eight lives farther away from the hard path I’d already lived through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank-you to [dragonquesttbh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonquesttbh/pseuds/dragonquesttbh) for giving me a hand with the Heliodor accents. Anywhere it sounds particularly spot-on (or just avoided sounding like a weird mish-mash of arbitrary accents), it's definitely her doing.


	8. Chapter 8

Somehow the presence of twice as many kids meant six times as much chaotic energy in my little apartment. Meals were noisy enough that I couldn’t follow all the conversations happening, and I had to practice my sternest voice to get everyone to be still and go to sleep at the same time, so that I’d be better than a zombie when I went to work. 

Conscious of my past experience pouring all my attention into Brick to the detriment of my relationships with the rest of our team, I made a point of inviting different kids to spend a little time with me each day.

I would let Flint or Crystal follow me to the market in the morning, because Flint had a knack for charming the merchants into throwing in a little something extra if I passed him a bit of money to make his own bargains, and Crystal delighted in showing off how much she could carry, evidently being enamored of the Warrior Princess of Heliodor, who, she claimed, could lift Sir Hendrik in the air. I grinned, wondering if there was truth to that when Jade wasn’t pumped up with an Oomph spell.

Cammo and Mica liked to pair up with one of my original four when we went out foraging in the countryside. I appreciated Mica’s sharp eyes and his smug grin when he spotted something worth bringing home to eat. Cammo was calmer about it, but he found a couple shards of a mirror in the road and brought them home. He asked me to hang one outside the apartment, and he kept the other one inside, so he could use it to look out the window and check the other mirror without putting his face where it could be seen. I wasn’t quite sure it was a foolproof plan for checking whether anyone could possibly see them coming out of my apartment, but I was impressed by the thought and effort.

Cammo was also the one to find a way for the group to climb over a wall in the back alley when they went outside in the morning, which I supposed also helped keep anyone from noticing how many kids I had living with me. If any of my neighbors actually cared. I didn’t think it would be such a disaster if someone did notice, but as long as the secrecy was still important to the kids, I wasn’t going to interfere.

I decided my salary was fine for keeping everyone fed, as long as we kept up a little foraging and didn’t try to do too much else. I stopped splurging as much on treats, but I spent the last of my extra savings on some clothes for the Heliodor gang and ponchos for everyone in preparation for cooler weather.

They did mostly take care of themselves while I was busy at the casino. They brought home stories about little corners of town where they’d tried and failed to hide from each other, and about afternoons where Cammo had managed to stay hidden the whole time, and he would smile and gloat over his secret hiding spot. They told me about an old lady who gave them cookies, and about a tourist who’d paid them a couple of coins for a shell they’d found a couple paces away on the beach while his back was turned. They showed me a ball they’d found, lost on a rooftop and free for the taking.

I wondered if I was doing any of this right, more than once. But I figured at least I had to be better than no support at all, and I felt like I was doing leagues better than the Vikings ever did for Mia and myself. The two of us had never even thought of laughing in front of them, and we’d always sworn to leave as soon as we figured out how. These kids seemed happy to stay with me, and I was happy to let them.

  


* * *

  


“I went to see Derk,” I told Sylv. I could tell him that much, anyway.

“Darling,” he said, drawing out the word, loading it with warm approval. “I’m so proud of you. How did it go?”

“Great.” I told him about the visit, and he smiled from start to finish.

I’d started asking the kids if they wanted to meet Sylvando. They asked a lot of questions about him, and half of them seemed interested in the idea of seeing him juggle or dance, but someone always weighed in with a negative, and then the rest of them agreed. “No adults. Especially not one who might want to try to help us by splitting us up to live with different strangers,” said Isabella.

I wasn’t quite confident that Sylv wouldn’t want to do something like that. He’d want to help, obviously, but given what I’d seen of his father’s influence on the town, if there was a policy in Puerto Valor for helping orphans, it might mean enrolling all the boys in some rigorous knight training program, or shutting them all away in an orphanage, or as Isabella worried, splitting them up. I couldn’t figure out who to ask, or how, without giving everything away.

So when I went to see Sylv, I still didn’t mention the kids, even though they’d taken over the larger part of my life, now. The irony of having such a huge secret that I wished I could tell him while I was still making him keep me secret from Brick and our other companions kept making me want to laugh. I made a little silent promise to Sylvando that the next time Brick was around, I really would talk to him.

In the meantime, I coped by asking Sylv stories about his childhood. At least I might hear some clues about what normal kids experienced. Plus, it was something to talk about, and it was interesting.

Every time he mentioned some fond memory of spending time with his father and it lined up with something I’d already done with the kids, I felt a little relief, that I could make up for a little of what they were missing. And when he suddenly opened up again and talked about how he’d fallen out with his father because his father wouldn’t listen to what he wanted for himself, I felt selfishly better about that, too. At least I wasn’t trying to force these kids into anything. At least real parents could mess up sometimes and the kids could still be okay in the end.

  


* * *

  


I suggested another beach picnic with Sylv on one of my days off, because I knew the kids wouldn’t mind playing out there, and I could keep an eye on them. I got a warm feeling from watching them run around laughing and safe.

“I think some new families have moved to town,” Sylv said conversationally.

“Huh.” I eyed my gang of kids swarming around the far end of the sand.

“I’m sure there are more little ones running around in the past month or so, and I’ve been seeing the same faces longer than most tourist kids.”

“Yeah?” As long as he wasn’t asking me direct questions, it wasn’t too hard to pretend I had no more information than he did.

“I’ve tried to say hello a couple times, and sometimes they say hi back, but anything else and they just laugh and run off. Or give me a look like they’re scared of me,” he added in a faintly wounded tone.

“Oh.” I started to reach for my hair, but I noticed I was doing it and I knew he’d pick up on that tell, so I turned it into a vague gesture, waving toward my swarm of kids halfway down the beach. “Guess they could be shy. Not everybody wants to talk to strangers.”

“I guess. Hmm. Maybe that makes sense. Usually the local children are a little more talkative, but I’m almost sure that some of these ones came from out of the area.”

Mica, Cammo, and Paz somehow chose this moment to veer towards Sylv and me, throwing their scavenged ball back and forth amongst themselves. They kept casting not-very-subtle looks in our direction. Sometimes, when I came here alone, one of the older kids would throw the ball in my direction, pretending it was an accident, and I’d throw it back as though I was just a friendly bystander, but I was sure they wouldn’t try it while I was with another adult.

Except Paz smiled and threw the ball right at me, and he didn’t really make it look like it was an accident.

“Paz!” Mica and Cammo scolded him in unison while I reflexively caught the ball out of the air.

“What?” he asked, looking at them in genuine confusion.

“Don’t throw it at grown-ups!”

“But…”

“It’s all right, darlings,” Sylvando said. “Erik and I don’t mind. Do we?” He turned his smile on me, and his eyebrows moved in a way that I figured he meant as a command. Don’t you dare scare them off, Erik, or something to that effect.

I felt my mouth doing something odd, like it was trying to form three different kinds of smiles at once. “Uh, yeah. It’s fine, kiddo. Here.” I tossed the ball gently back to Paz. It bounced out of his hands and Mica caught it instead.

Paz still looked anxious. “Sorry. Sorry, Erik.”

“You’re fine, kid. Go have fun,” I said over the sound of Mica and Cammo hissing under their breath at Paz. I gave him my best reassuring smile and made a shooing motion with one hand. The two older boys turned him away, and he let himself be tugged away down the beach with one last look over his shoulder at me.

From a distance, I watched them scold him, then pat him on the back and resume their game, and for a second I forgot Sylv was with me, until he said, “Well, I guess they know your name now, at least.”

“Huh? Do they?”

“I’ll admit, I’m a little jealous, darling. Do you think the boy would have picked me to join in if I was wearing something different?” He looked down at himself. Today, he wore a short coat, green with copious amounts of embroidery, over a lightly frilly shirt. I realized he’d been trending toward elegant and beautiful outfits while I’d seen him living here, rather than any of the startling-going-on-comical getups he’d sometimes worn while he was still traveling and introducing himself a jester.

“Uh, I dunno. Might not help if they’re just shy of strangers.”

“Are you sure? I have a shirt with little ducklings sewn all over it.” He looked wistfully across the beach. “Probably wouldn’t work with the older ones, but might with the little one there.”

I thought it might, at that. Paz was one of the least shy of the bunch, and the least cautious of strangers. I pictured a Sylvando who had earned Paz’s trust, maybe wearing this ridiculous-sounding duckling shirt he was talking about, holding Paz up in the air and flying him around like a bird, like I’d seen him do for local kids once or twice on our travels. I smiled helplessly.

“It was good of you to be kind to the boy. I know it’s not your favorite thing to have to deal with children.”

“Huh?” I blinked. “What?”

Sylv tilted his head. “Outside of Mia, I’ve hardly ever seen you talk to a child. And it was pretty obvious you’d rather do anything else than go watch the choir.”

I opened my mouth, staring at him, trying to remember what on Erdrea he was talking about. I finally remembered the children’s choir I’d skipped in favor of going to visit my wild kids outside of town, at least a month before. I let out a soft laugh. “I don’t dislike kids, Sylv. I really did have something else going on the day of the choir.” I smothered a second wave of laughter, because that would risk giving away far too much.

Sylv gave me a tiny puzzled frown, then exclaimed, “Oh! It was your big secret thing that day, huh?”

“Yeah, pretty much. Sorry.”

“Hmm. I’m dying of curiosity, you know. You can’t give me a little hint?”

I forced my eyes to look at the sand in front of me instead of at the kids down the beach. I was astonished that we hadn’t blown the secret wide open already today, after Paz’s slip-up. I didn’t dare give him any more hints. “Uh…”

“I’m sorry. Not your secret to tell. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s all right. But yeah. I can’t really say.”

Sylv nodded and let the subject drop. But I caught him looking at me in silent contemplation more than once that afternoon, and I wondered whether he was on the brink of figuring everything out after all.

  


* * *

  


The next time I met Sylv, we went for dinner in a restaurant. It was sort of a relief after the prior incident to not have the kids wandering past while I spent time with him, though of course I’d made sure they knew where I was going to be, just in case they really needed me. But they’d already been watching each other’s backs well before they met me, and even the Heliodor gang had already learned to defer to Isabella if she saw things getting out of hand and put her foot down. So far nothing had really happened where they needed me in a big hurry.

It was also a tiny relief to have a little quiet time and the chance to focus on only one other person. I didn’t regret my new living situation, but it was certainly loud and lively. The only experience I’d had that came close to such group energy was celebrating with Brick and company after a fight that was more terrifying than exhausting, but the kids seemed inclined to be boisterous and jubilant over only each other’s company. As a result, I’d come to appreciate the simpler, calmer moments with Sylv in a new light.

“Erik, darling! Are you ready to be astonished and delighted by whatever the chef bestows upon us?” Sylv greeted me in a near-singsong voice, and I grinned at the realization that I was now thinking of Sylv of all people as good company for an evening of peace and quiet.

I even would have thought the restaurant was a bit too crowded and noisy, months ago. We had to speak at a decent volume to hear each other. And yet, it still felt different from being home. A nice little change of pace for a few hours.

We had a nice evening right up until someone knocked into Sylv’s chair on their way past while his fork was almost to his mouth, and he spilled some kind of bright green sauce all down his white shirt. I pressed my lips together as I studied the offender, trying to make sure they weren’t trying to pick his pocket, but it was just some fancy tourist lady, distracted and laughing over her companion’s story, and she didn’t even appear to have noticed her transgression.

Sylvando only gave her a sideways glance with a smile, as if to make sure there wasn’t an apologetic person waiting for him to reassure them, but when she moved away, he looked down at himself, and the little smile faded off his face. “Oh, dear. Oh no,” he said very quietly, setting down his fork and carefully trying to remove the mess with a napkin. It didn’t really come away clean; a splotch as long as my forearm marred the area over his chest. “Oh, no no no.”

“Hey, it’s just a stain. If it’s an important shirt, worst case, I bet Brick can fix it up with his magical repairs,” I said, because I was pretty sure Sylv wouldn’t actually appreciate my first reaction, which was an urge to follow the woman and berate her for her rudeness. Maybe drop a bowl of sauce in her gem-encrusted purse.

“I know, I know, it’s a silly thing to worry about, but…” He waved a hand and made a face that was as much of a grimace as a smile. “The one downside of having a reputation in an area is that people will want to look at you when they see you go by, even if you’re a mess, and I’ll have to walk across town. Ay, when I was traveling as an entertainer, I used to carry a spare shirt with me in case this sort of thing happened.” 

He shut his eyes, sighed, and rubbed a hand along the side of his face. For a moment I couldn’t decide whether to be amused or sympathetic to his distress. I landed on sympathetic. I’d developed my own distaste for having any eye-catching blemishes on my clothes, too, although in my case it originated from an old habit of not wanting to stand out in a crowd when I was picking pockets.

“Okay, here.” I picked up my napkin, and I reached over the table with it to pluck at his collar and stuff the corner of the napkin into his shirt. His unhappy expression turned to astonishment, and the corners of his mouth quirked up while I draped the loose end of the fabric to cover the splotch.

"There. That’ll work for right now, yeah?” I said.

“I suppose so. Closer to being in fashion than food stains, anyway,” he said wryly. “I don’t think the restaurant will be completely thrilled if I walk home wearing their napkin, though.”

“Not sure that’s true,” I said, thinking about his local fame and popularity. “But don’t worry about it. Listen, you stay right here and order dessert, and I’ll be right back, okay?”

“All right,” he said with a little question in his voice as I got to my feet. I flashed him my best reassuring smile as I left the restaurant.

I set across town at a light jog. I knocked at the door to the manor house when I arrived, but no one answered, and I guessed Servantes and the rest of the staff must have had their own plans while Sylv was out. I knew that wasn’t uncommon.

It wasn’t necessarily a problem, either. I stepped around the side of the house, glanced around to make sure no one was watching, and I climbed up to Sylv’s window, mostly hidden by the nearby trees.

He still hadn’t latched it. I supposed I probably ought to scold him about that, but it was proving convenient just at the moment. I slipped inside and headed over to his wardrobe.

There was a lot to choose from, but I’d expected that. Sylv wasn’t uptight or conceited like a lot of the nobles I’d burgled, but his love of nice clothes fit the mold. Fortunately for me, so did his organization habits. I quickly found a selection of shirts I recognized near one end of the wardrobe. Pretty much what I’d expected. Most people who had a closet this full but still bothered to dress themselves would keep their go-to choices where it was easy to get them in and out, not in the middle where they’d get buttons and embellishments caught on the neighboring garments.

I picked a dark blue shirt with ruffles at the cuffs. I’d seen him wear it a few times, so I figured it might be one of his favorites. It was a pretty good look for him, anyway. I folded it up and stashed it carefully in my belt pouch, then climbed back out the window and headed briskly back over to the restaurant.

I found Sylv sitting with a plate of flan on the table and a cup of coffee in his hands. He raised his eyebrows as I sat back down across from him. “What was that about?” he asked.

“Brought you a change of clothes.” I patted my belt pouch.

“What? Where did you go?”

“Your room.”

He opened his mouth, silent for a moment, and I started to worry I’d overstepped, but then he broke into laughter. “Well. I suppose I shouldn’t ask whether Servantes got home early. Thank you, darling.”

I was pleased to see his good humor restored, and he went chatty and cheerful again while we picked up our spoons and went to work on the flan, and I felt like I’d saved the evening.

When we exited the building, he left the napkin behind, and I let him walk close behind me until we ducked around the back of the building into an alley. I handed over the shirt. Sylv shook it out to look at it, raised his eyebrows, then nodded approval and set about stripping off the stained one.

I noticed his figure had gone just a touch less bulky and muscular than the last time I’d seen him shirtless, which I supposed was bound to happen when you went from hours and hours of daily activity in combat or acrobatics and changed your life’s focus to acting instead. I knew he still did some amount of practice in the mornings, but from what I’d seen firsthand, it seemed like he spent more time waving and hugging people than even pretending to fight anyone.

It wasn’t a bad thing by any means. It was nice to look at him and be reminded of the fact that he wasn’t spending his days getting chewed up by monsters anymore, that he got to live in peace and comfort and be happy. The notion felt a bit like a hug all on its own. Not a shirtless hug, of course, that would probably be awkward and inappropriate.

He looked at me, and I realized I was staring, and I realized I was imagining him giving me a shirtless hug right now. I thought I caught the corners of his mouth quirk upward and stay there for a moment before he broke into a standard Sylvando smile, broad and cheerful. “Hold this for me while I put on the other one, won’t you, honey?”

“Sure.” I took the discarded shirt and then turned away to look out of the alley. As if I’d been waiting for the shirt and thus had an actual reason for facing his direction while he changed.

Not that it should matter one way or the other. Other men went shirtless all the time at the beach in the summertime, here. We’d even changed in the same room plenty of times, traveling together. There was no reason for me to suddenly become a prude about it. My face felt warm, but I decided I only really needed to be embarrassed about being pointlessly embarrassed.

“All right, honey, tell me if I’m presentable, eh?”

I turned around and looked him over again. He was smiling and holding his arms to the sides, palms out, in what could have been one of his performer’s poses, and between the confidence and the shirt, he looked better than presentable.

“Yeah, you’re good, Sylv.” Then I frowned. “I should have brought you something warmer than silk, though, huh? Sorry.”

He waved a hand to dismiss my concern, still smiling. “Don’t worry about it, honey. I’ve inflicted far, far worse on myself for fashion.”

I walked him home, handed back the old shirt, and hurried back to the chaos of my own household, which served as a welcome distraction, and there was no room in my night left to think about a shirtless, smiling Sylvando, except possibly in a dream I’d mostly forgotten by morning.

  


* * *

  


A couple more weeks passed. The kids seemed to be thriving, and Sylv was still tolerating my secret-keeping, and life was looking fantastic.

I had a day off where I hadn’t planned anything. The weather turned out nice, which meant the kids would want to spend most of the day outside pretending they didn’t know me, rather than inside doing anything together, so I arbitrarily decided to try visiting the beach again. I knew the kids would be out there sooner or later, and it was cool enough weather that it wouldn’t be too crowded, and I’d probably find space for a little pleasant solitude.

Or, since it was sunny, I knew there was a chance I might bump into Sylv. But I felt like the chances of disastrously spilling the beans weren’t much higher outdoors than any other setting right now. The older kids had talked to Paz and Ana, and it seemed like they were all in agreement now about how to limit their time directly in my company in public. I figured I could pass as a temporary caretaker for a co-worker’s kids if somebody challenged us when one or two of them were with me for a short while. But most of the time, they all kept some distance. I didn’t mind. I still got to watch them at play, and I got to be with them at home.

Today, as I stepped out onto the sand, a familiar shape caught the corner of my eye. Sylv, already. I could spot him by the way he moved his arms when he was talking to someone, even when I wasn’t looking right at him. I glanced over to see who he was talking to.

It took me exactly one second longer to realize that someone was Brick.

I stopped breathing.

I already knew I wanted to talk to Brick, but I wasn’t prepared for him to suddenly appear twenty paces away from me. I thought about turning around and going home. I thought about approaching, and I tried to imagine what I might say, and I came up blank.

Sylvando saw me, and he quickly looked away, apparently deciding not to break my cover. But then he made a casual looking stretch, and he looked back at me for one more instant while his outstretched fingers curled in a subtle invitation.

My feet decided to take orders from Sylv instead of my useless brain. I started walking forward. Sylv looked over at me as I drew near, and he raised his eyebrows a little in a question, and I nodded. I kept my eyes on Sylv’s face as he smiled like a sunrise, and he looked back to say something to Brick.

Then my gaze caught on the sudden motion as Brick visibly sucked in a sharp breath, spun, and looked for me.

“Erik!” Brick bellowed and charged the ten paces between us while I froze in place. He threw his arms around me, and I grunted at the impact.

Out of all the possible receptions, I hadn’t really expected this degree of unrestrained enthusiasm. An odd rush of mixed emotions hit me, but one of them was enough wild optimism to return the embrace and say, as if we’d been joking around only the day before, “Been a while since I’ve had a Brick wall run into me. You got bigger.”

I felt him laugh like it was the funniest thing he’d heard all year. He clapped me on the back, then pulled back, leaving one hand on my shoulder. “Well, they know a thing or two about building walls in Cobblestone. I don’t know if people are more excited to feed me or put me to work, since I settled back in. Erik, man, it’s so good to see you. It’s been so long. How are you? Is everything okay? Are you...You’re, everything’s...You’re okay?”

“I’m fine. Terminally stupid, but fine. I’m...I’m glad to see you.”

“I’m glad to see you too,” he said, a little redundantly, but it helped reassure the part of me that wasn’t ready to believe it so easily, so it was welcome.

I heard a sniff, and we both looked over to see Sylvando beaming and wiping his eyes. “Sorry, don’t mind me. I’ll, ah, I’ll just leave you two to catch up. You know where I live, if you want to stop by later.”

He walked past us, patting Brick on the back and then letting his hand fall on my shoulder for a moment as he walked by. I watched him go with a pulse of gratitude, that he’d kept my whereabouts secret until I was ready, that he’d encouraged me to take this leap, that he was willing to give up his time with Brick so I could have it instead.

Brick’s hand fell away from my other shoulder, and when I looked back at him, I saw his gaze turn from watching Sylvando to me. “Sylv...He already knew you were here?”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry. Um, listen, don’t blame Sylv for not talking about me. I’ve been living in Puerto Valor for a while, but I made him promise not to say anything about that to anyone. Sorry. Did I mention my stupidity? I know it wasn’t fair to anyone, but I just...I don’t even know. I’m sorry.”

I watched Brick’s face cloud over, and my heart plummeted. “How long?”

“A couple of months. Um. Before Sylv’s play,” I said. Brick’s face slid a little further toward upset, and it made me want to run, or fight something for him, but me running in the first place was the problem and the only one to fight was me, so I left my feet where they were.

“You’re really okay? What happened?”

“I’m fine. Just me and my head being stupid.”

“Your head? What’s wrong with your head?”

“Uh.” I started to panic in the face of such a direct question, because I was drawing a blank on how to begin to explain. If I even understood, myself. I’d thought I’d known, but right now it didn’t seem like one moment of embarrassment could have been the reason for everything. It felt like such a flimsy excuse, and so the nameless feeling of dread built in the back of my head. “Stupidity,” I repeated uncreatively.

“Was...Are you...Do you still remember everything we did together?”

“Huh? Of course I do.”

“And you weren’t hurt or trapped or anything?”

“No. No, I’ve been the picture of health.”

“Then why did you leave?” I jumped as Brick’s voice suddenly came loud and sharp and upset. “Why would you just leave without saying goodbye, and never so much as a letter from you? It’s been over two years, Erik!”

I flinched and hugged my arms around myself. “This is half of why I didn’t! I knew you’d be mad, and I don’t have a good excuse, and more time kept passing, which kept making it worse. I don’t need…” I almost said something about not needing his love, but I bit my lip. “I just can’t handle you hating me.”

“Erik...” His hand fell on my shoulder again, and I tensed for a second. “I don’t hate you. I’d never hate you, no matter what. I just...I was really scared. Okay? After...For a long time, it’s been one of my top five fears that you’ll forget about me, and disappear from my life, and I won’t be able to find you. And...” His voice broke, and he fell silent.

“Oh, hell. And then I disappeared.” I stopped feeling afraid and started feeling like a monster. “I didn’t realize...I’m such an ass. I’m sorry, Brick. I never meant to worry you like that.”

“Just please tell me why, Erik. I need to understand.”

“Okay,” I said, because I’d come unmoored from any sense of what was or wasn’t appropriate to say, but when he was right there in front of me, confirming I’d hurt him, I couldn’t deny him anything. “Okay. Just keep in mind it’s a stupid reason that doesn’t matter anymore, right?”

“All right.”

“Right.” I took a deep breath and started recklessly shoveling the rest of my stupidity up into the light on the off-chance it might fix more than it broke. “Okay. Well. The last time I saw you, I had no idea about you and Gemma until she showed up. I wasn’t bringing congratulation flowers. I was bringing flowers for you.” I paused, trying to judge if I really needed to say the rest.

“Okay?”

My mouth twitched in an almost-smile at his blank tone, and I felt a hint of humor as I finished the confession for him. Or maybe it was just hysteria. “I came there to try and tell you that I loved you.”

I gave him a few seconds to absorb the revelation in silence.

“Okay, and?” he said.

“What?”

“Then what happened?”

“What do you…” I trailed off, wondering if he was even thinking about the same event. If he’d even heard what I’d said. I spoke a little more sharply as I rattled off the conclusion to the event. “Then Gemma came in in the middle of it, and I figured out I was an idiot, and I got embarrassed and I ran away like a coward.”

“Why...I mean, Sylv does things like that all the time, bringing flowers for friends and talking about love. Gemma might have thought it was funny for a minute to hear us say we loved each other, but she’d have understood.”

I stared at him for a long second, and then I started laughing softly, because maybe I’d already exhausted my panic and embarrassment and that was the only reaction left. “You are dense sometimes, you know that?”

I watched with a small smile and pinched eyebrows while he worked through that and his face twitched from bafflement to uncertainty, and his mouth fell open. “Wait, love, like, in love?”

“Yeah. That.”

“But, that...we…” Brick’s mouth worked silently for the space of a few breaths, and I felt the tired smile spread further across my face. Then he slowly facepalmed. “Oh, Spirit. I really am thick as a Brick, aren’t I?”

I shrugged. “You’re not the only one, I guess, ‘cause I was almost sure you felt the same way.”

“Goddess. Was I leading you on? I never meant to. I thought we were just being really good friends.”

“I figured. In hindsight. Sylv pointed out that you didn’t have a lot of friends growing up. Hell, neither did I, honestly. I guess it’s not surprising we kinda got our signals mixed up there. Anyway.” I stretched, trying for a casual tone. “Like I said, it’s a stupid reason, and it doesn’t matter now. I’m not all that sure I should have told you now, but I guess at least you know it wasn’t that I was forgetting about you. Just trying to get over you, a little.”

He studied me with a crease in his brow. “I’m sorry, Erik.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry too.”

Brick shook his head. “Um. Thanks for, uh, telling me. I feel like an idiot, but…” He sighed, and I spotted him running his thumb over his knuckles in one of the subtle, restrained tells he had when he was disappointed in himself. “I guess I’d rather know I’m an idiot and a jerk than imagine you being hurt or something.”

It had definitely hurt, but I got what he meant, and I didn't really want him to feel bad about it. “Sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” he said, apology still written in the set of his eyes, but he smiled a tiny bit as he repeated the word.

“Nope. I’m sorry,” I said, daring to smile back a little. He breathed a soft laugh, and he gestured like he was going to clap me on the arm, but he let his hand fall before he touched me.

“I think I was always meant for Gemma. I can’t imagine not wanting to be her husband. But I wish…If I could...” He waved a hand vaguely, then finished, “You deserve happiness, too, Erik.”

“Thanks, Brick.” My hand twitched toward him, too, en route to touch him on the arm like I would have done back before all this, but I also stopped myself, not sure if he would read too much into it, now. Not sure if I would put too much into it, for that matter. “I’m getting there, I think. It’s not the life I would have thought that I wanted, but honestly, I’ve been happier over the past couple months than I have been in a long time.”

“Good. That’s good. If you’re happy now, I mean.” He tried another smile, and he asked, “What have you been up to, anyway?”

So I started telling him about the casino, and getting to know the locals, and spending time with Sylv. The awkwardness faded a little as he listened attentively and asked questions, and the intense awareness of his presence faded down to a level that let me hear myself think, and it started to feel like we were two guys having a normal conversation.

“So are you and Sylv…?” Brick trailed off without finishing the question.

“What?”

“Seeing each other?”

“What?”

“Do you like him?”

I tried to come up with a response, and I realized I’d left my mouth hanging open in the meantime. “It’s not that I dislike him,” I managed.

“You’re not into him that way, though?”

“Haven’t really thought about it.” It was barely a lie, and it was easier than trying to lay out reasons why not. Quicker. Safer. I didn’t feel like giving Brick something to argue against. I didn’t need anyone trying to encourage me into another shipwreck. Not while I was actively in the process of trying to climb out of the last one.

“Just, I know he’s into guys.”

The information hung in the air like something important that I should look at, but my brain balked at walking down any additional emotionally charged paths today. “Haven’t really thought about it, don’t really want to.”

“Okay.”

I shook my head and hurried to change the subject. “Anyway, how about you? I missed out on…” I closed my eyes. “A lot. How is it being a farmer?”

“It’s good. You know, when I was a kid, I figured that’s probably what I’d do when I grew up, but I always wondered about being an adventurer too, like my grandpa Chalky. I guess I got my adventure, and I don’t regret…” He gave a little sigh, and continued, “I don’t regret most of how it worked out in the end, but it’s really, really good to be done with it. I mean, I miss everyone, of course, but I don’t miss the fighting, or everybody being in danger all the time.”

I wondered what it was that he did regret, or if it was just about me again, but I didn’t ask. Instead, I got him to tell me more about his life now. He told me about his farm, and the weird experience of being a retired hero and the proprietary pride all his neighbors took about the fact, even as they kept asking him for little favors like helping them haul their goods to the market, or patching up a roof, or hunting for a lost pet.

“So what you’re saying is it’s pretty much the same as when we traveled together, huh?” I teased him, and he laughed, and I felt like maybe we really could still be friends.

He kept giving me cautious looks after every time he casually mentioned Gemma, until I finally asked about her directly, because it was ridiculous for him to think he ought to edit his own wife out of the story of his life. I listened to him talk about her tailoring, and the way she’d taken over organizing the village’s festivals, and how everybody said she was on the verge of becoming the next mayor.

I watched his pride in her, and it still stung a tiny bit to know that I wasn’t ever going to earn it, that maybe I never would have earned it even if things had been much different between us, because I certainly wouldn’t have tried to become a mayor. Maybe I never deserved someone like Brick.

Then I thought about telling Sylv that, and I heard his voice in my head telling me not to sell myself short. He’d probably add something else positive, like that I deserved someone better than Brick. I could picture him gesturing pointedly at himself while he did, wearing a little smile and making a joke of his own self-importance.

I shoved that whole idea aside before it veered further off course. Hadn’t really thought about it, didn’t really want to. I dragged my attention back to Brick’s storytelling. 

“Anyway, that’s why I decided I’d better make my rounds and visit everyone before the harvest picks up this year and I’m too busy.” He eyed the position of the sun, and added, “I’m going to have to toss myself home, soon. I promised I was going to make dinner tonight. You’re going to stay in town, right? I’ll be able to find you again?”

“I’ll be here,” I promised. Brick’s company through the afternoon had still stirred up faint echoes of the old longing and hurt, even after our apologies, but I wanted his friendship back a lot more than I wanted to run away from that tiny discomfort, and I thought I could cope. Besides, the idea of letting anything try to chase me away from Puerto Valor made me want to dig in my heels instead. “I guess if you come for Sylv’s next show, I’ll see you then.”

“You’ll join all of us? Is it okay if I tell everyone about you?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. That’s fine.” After today, I decided I could handle Veronica’s scolding, or whatever threats of violence Jade might make. Brick had been my biggest worry, and I was more than ready to stop being a burden on Sylv, anyway.

“We’re okay, then? We’re still friends?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we are,” I said. 

  


* * *

  


I walked Brick back up to Sylv’s house, and I lingered for an abbreviated version of recent news from both of them. I only half-listened, since I’d already heard it, but I didn’t want to interrupt with my own goodbye, so I just watched the two of them together, absorbed their obvious mutual affection and familiarity with each other, and I thought maybe I understood what Sylv had meant about enjoying Brick’s and my friendship secondhand. I was glad to see them together, and sorry I’d missed out on years of camaraderie with the old gang.

Sylv and I finally said our goodbyes to Brick, and he gave each of us a hug. I wondered if the one Sylv got was as crushing as the one Brick inflicted on me. I didn’t mind. It felt like a healing spell, anyway.

We waved and watched him disappear. Then Sylv turned to me, and I forgot to say my own goodbye, because he was beaming at me again. “Oh...come here,” he said in his most affectionate tone. He didn’t wait for me to comply, just stepped closer and he gathered me up in yet another enveloping embrace. “I’m so, so happy for you,” he said.

I laughed and gave him a squeeze in return. I thought of the early days when his over-the-top cheerful moods had grated on me, because I was sure it was an act designed to cover up some dark intent. Now I was used to it, and I believed in the good will behind it. Now it just helped me push away the last trace of my unease and only focus on the joy of the day. “Thanks, Sylv. Seriously, thank you for everything.” I patted him on the back, and he released me. “I owe you a lot.”

“Oh, darling, you don’t owe me a thing. If I helped, I’m happy.”

“I told him it was okay to talk about me. So, you don’t have to keep me a secret anymore.”

“Good.” He reached out again to squeeze my arm, warding off any interpretation that he’d been fed up with my nonsense. “I’m glad. Everyone’s going to be so happy when they get to see you again.”

“I hope so. I think even if they’re mad, I’m ready to deal with it now.”

“They won’t be mad. Or they won’t stay mad. And I’ll be there for moral support, if you need it.”

“Thanks,” I said, smiling. Then I stretched. “I think I need to walk off some of this energy. Maybe I’ll head out of town.”

“All right, darling.”

I looked at Sylv, and on an impulse, I said, “You busy? You could come along. I could show you where to find the last good mango tree.”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, then smiled, and I realized this was the first time I’d ever asked him on one of my out-of-town walks. But I wasn’t going out to meet the wild kids in secret today, and I didn’t really want to be completely alone with my thoughts.

Because then I might accidentally think about Brick’s idea about me and Sylv.

I didn’t want to think about me and Sylv. I didn’t want to turn the idea over again and risk finding feelings there after all, like a surprise hermit crab hiding in an otherwise lovely shell. 

So I took him with me as a distraction from himself. We talked about the past, the present, and the future, about Brick and our other past companions, and everything besides the two of us. I was happy with his company, and I set aside any thought of change between us. It didn’t matter today. Today was better than fine as it was.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content advisory: I don’t think anything gets too detailed or graphic, but this chapter involves stress over Unpleasant Critters, Kids Having a Bad Time, and also Money Worries.

After I’d started to repair what I’d broken with Brick, I felt lighter than I could remember feeling before. Maybe it was second to the days after we rescued Mia, but not by far.

My good mood spilled into everything else in my life. I brought home a pie for the kids. I didn’t have to try to smile at the casino-goers. I bought a round for my co-workers at the bar. I let Sylv talk me into another party, and I bought a round for a large table of people there, too, and I started three separate conversations over the evening on my own, to boot.

  


* * *

  


I was reminded to be more conservative with my spending one windy afternoon when a bouncer escorted Isabella into the casino to find me.

“Erik!”

“What’s going on?”

“Kid says it’s an emergency,” the bouncer explained.

“What’s going on?” I asked Isabella.

“Mica’s hurt, on the beach.”

“Hurt how?”

“Something in the water got him. We think it might be poison.”

I called across the room to one of the girls carrying drinks who I knew could sub as a replacement to run my table. I was barely paying enough attention to hear her agreement, and I wasn’t willing to take the time to clean up my token supply. I hurried outside with Isabella, and then ran with her down the street.

I found most of the kids there clustered around Mica, and to my relief, I recognized a local doctor kneeling in the sand next to them. At least my little gang had the sense and courage to seek out a stranger’s help in an emergency like this.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

The doctor looked up at me and seemed to relax a little. “You his father?”

“Uh huh,” I said, because I was afraid he’d try to send me away if I said no.

“He needs a certain antivenom, but I don’t have any on hand. They sell it at the general store for ships going on expeditions to the outer sea. I’ve never seen one of these sea creatures near here before. Must have blown in with the weather.”

I got the details and hurried off to the store, where I found the antivenom, but the price sent a panicked feeling into my gut. “It’s an emergency, there’s a sick kid. Can’t you make it cheaper?”

The merchant frowned, not unsympathetic. “It’s an expensive product. I can’t give it away without risking my business. And I wouldn’t be able to restock for the sailors who will need it next.”

“It’s life and death,” I tried.

The merchant hunched his shoulders. “Do you have something you can leave as collateral? I can maybe accept full payment later. I know you’re a good customer,” he added. I guessed there was some benefit to being a regular at a shop, without even having them act as a fence.

I sighed. “My knives, maybe?” We weren’t supposed to keep weapons in the casino, but I kept a pair hidden in my boots anyway, because old habits died hard.

“All right. You’re good for the rest? Tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sure,” I promised. Anything to get the medicine and get moving.

I took the prize and dashed back to the beach, and I watched the doctor administer the potion to Mica’s leg and the ugly looking wound there.

“Okay, let me just bandage this up. He should stay off the leg for a day, and…”

“Can’t you heal it?”

“We need to give the antivenom time to work, and it’s going to work best if we don’t heal it yet. You can pick up some basic healing herbs for that at the shop and apply them tomorrow. I’ll give you two doses of a tisane to take away the pain today.”

The doctor gave me instructions for further care, and I tried to pay attention, but I kept looking at Mica and remembering all the times Mia or I had been injured as kids, and the rough first aid we’d gotten from the Vikings for the worst of it, and the way we’d been left on our own for anything that wasn’t deemed critical. I was objectively sure I’d suffered through worse than Mica was going to, but I didn’t want him to suffer at all. I longed for Serena or Rab to show up out of nowhere and fix him immediately.

When I failed to repeat the instructions back to the doctor, he took the time to write them down instead. Then he said, “Can you pay the usual fee today?”

“Uh. What?”

“I usually charge a fee for my services. I do have a family of my own to feed.”

“Oh. Uh. Is there any way I could pay you later?”

“Well, I know the antivenom is expensive. I can waive my fee this once.”

“Thank you.”

I sent Serafito with the doctor to pick up the tisane from his house, and I lifted Mica as gently as I’d ever picked up anything. I carried him straight back to the apartment, and for once the kids didn’t bother trying to make any secret of their presence. They all crowded in right after me, speaking in a collective hushed murmur.

“Is he really gonna be all right?” I couldn’t tell if that was Cammo or Flint, because there were half a dozen other questions I couldn’t make out.

“Is Mica going to die?” That was Ana, and I hated the fact that she felt the need to ask it.

“Mica’s going to be fine,” I said firmly. “You heard the doctor. We just want to keep him cozy while he rests up. Isabella, can you start some water boiling for the tisane?”

“Right.”

“Do you think I’m gonna get a scar?” asked Mica. He’d been worryingly silent up until now, so I felt a little better that he was talking, even if there was a little worried quiver in his voice.

“Maybe. Do you want one?” I said with a little smile, hoping to cheer him up.

“I dunno. As long as it’s not a gross one, I guess.”

“You’ve seen my big scar, right?” I said. We all usually turned our backs when we changed, but I was sure I’d rushed around shirtless for a few minutes some morning and overheard a little commentary on the mark I still carried from Jasper’s attack. “Or there’s a pretty good one on my leg from a long time ago, too. Maybe we’ll be scar buddies.”

“Okay,” he said, and I thought maybe he looked just a little bit less miserable.

I spent the rest of the day splitting my attention between Mica, who drank the tisane and fell asleep, and the rest of the kids, who were clearly anxious and unhappy. I stationed myself at the head of the bed to watch over Mica at the other end, and then I quietly read our books aloud and made up a few more stories to try to distract everyone else.

  


* * *

  


Just after dinner, we all looked up at the sound of a knock on the door. I jumped at the sound, and then I remembered I’d been scheduled to meet Sylv tonight. I took a breath to call an answer to him, then shut my eyes and dropped my head softly back against the wall.

There was no way I was going to be able to keep the kids hidden if I opened the door. Even if they weren’t present in the apartment, there were too many signs of their existence, now, with the extra bedrolls and chairs and dishes. And I couldn’t even ask them for permission without risking that Sylv would hear my voice.

I already knew what their answer would be, anyway. And today of all days wasn’t the time to push the matter, while they were all anxious after Mica’s close call.

So I sat still and said nothing. I opened my eyes when the knock repeated, more loudly and to the rhythm of a popular local tune, and I found a room full of worried eyes watching me. I managed a smile for them, even though I hated leaving Sylv hanging. Even though I suddenly noticed the lantern in the room, which had to be implying that I was at home. Even though I realized I’d been talking when he knocked, and he’d probably heard me.

After a long, guilty minute of waiting, I picked up the faint sound of Sylv’s footsteps departing. Cammo used the mirrors to look outside. “Think he’s gone,” he said, still quiet, like he wasn’t absolutely sure Sylv hadn’t climbed up to hide on our roof and listen in.

“Thanks for keeping our secret, Erik,” said Isabella.

“Yeah, thanks,” Flint echoed.

“Yeah, no problem,” I said, because there wasn’t anything else to say that was at all useful.

I thought for just a moment about running after Sylv, trying to apologize, trying to reassure him that I hadn’t meant to miss our outing. But there was no way I could ditch the kids right now. 

I looked down at Mica, who’d woken up and sat next to me for dinner. He’d seemed to be doing a little better, then. Now he looked guilty and miserable.

I gave him a sympathetic smile. “Well, you want another story? I think I got one about a fish who found the mermaid kingdom for the first time.”

Mica relaxed again while I rambled my way through the story I was making up, and he fell asleep with his head on my shoulder this time. I let him rest for a little while as I finished my story for the others. Then I carefully picked him up and got Isabella to pull down the covers on the bed. I laid Mica down and gently pulled the blanket over him.

My own sleep took longer to come, as I worried over Mica, and money, and Sylv.

  


* * *

  


In the morning, I sent Flint to the shop by himself to fetch the healing herbs, in case I couldn’t scrounge up enough to repay the cost of the antivenom and the merchant refused to let me buy anything else. The herbs did the trick of closing up Mica’s wound, and everyone was in better spirits after that.

I put on a cheerful face for the kids while I scrounged through my storage, looking for things I might sell. I didn’t really need more than one knife, or so many outfits. I thought the blue vest I’d worn to dress up a little might fetch a few coins. I spared a thought for the Brick-crafted gear I’d stashed, but those items were too far away. I couldn’t spare days to go fetch the things. I’d have to leave the kids alone in the meantime, and then I might not have a job when I got back.

I bundled up the things I found and took them to a secondhand shop, and then I swung by the bank to clear out my savings there. I counted twice, and I found that I had enough to pay off the medicine and still keep us reasonably fed until my next payday. As long as we ate a lot of porridge, and we didn’t buy more honey when the pot ran out. As long as we could find a bit extra by foraging. As long as I let Sylv buy me dinner on our next outing. It was supposed to be my turn to pay next, but he always offered, and I could live with “forgetting” one time.

Sylv. I winced. I should have stopped by first thing after getting Mica healed up, and it was nearly noon.

I hurried over to Sylv’s place, struggling to figure out what I could say on my way, and I arrived at his door before I had much of a plan.

“Hey,” I said when he answered the door himself.

“Morning,” he said. He barely wore a smile at all. I thought of the reflexive smile he’d put on for the woman responsible for the stain in the restaurant.

“I’m really sorry about yesterday,” I said. “Something came up, and I couldn’t get away.”

“It’s all right,” he said.

It didn’t feel all right. It took me a moment to register that he hadn’t tossed any sort of endearment into his greeting, or addressed me by name either, and I couldn’t remember that happening before.

“I would have at least let you know if I could. I just got stuck,” I said, praying that would be enough of an explanation.

“Oh. What happened?” His expression flipped from neutral to concerned in an instant.

“Well…” I hesitated, trying to work out what I could say. “Someone...There was a…Augh.” I ran a hand over my face. “I can’t talk about it. Sorry. I really am.”

“Hm. The secret, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“You know, you could ask them if they’d like to meet me.”

“Trust me, I have.”

“And they said no?” he asked, his voice finally taking on a little color as he exaggerated his surprise. “My goodness, do I have enemies?”

I snorted. “No. Just…” I shrugged and uselessly waved a hand.

He allowed an awkward silence to build while I stared at the neighbor’s house as if I found it incredibly interesting. “All right,” he finally said.

“So anyway, I think I’m supposed to go out tonight with everyone from work. It’s somebody’s birthday. But I could do tomorrow night if you want?”

Maybe enough of my apologetic feeling came out in my face, because he said, “Okay, honey,” with a small smile. I got the feeling that he still wasn’t happy with me, but it was better than it had been.

  


* * *

  


Sylv was energetic and cheerful through our dinner, telling me stories about the costume design for his next play. Maybe a little too cheerful. We’d gotten up to dessert before I realized he hadn’t once asked me about my day, or anything else, and I’d barely spoken at all.

Then he signalled the waiter for the check, but proceeded to ignore its presence on the table in front of us while he chattered about the thickness and color of thread options for the costume crafting, and I suddenly remembered my plan to get him to pay for dinner, at about the same time it occurred to me that he must still be upset with me, and rightly so.

I tried to look interested in the minutiae of tailoring choices, but I kept looking at the check out of the corner of my eye, feeling like the numbers on it were staring at me in accusation. I was using Sylv, when I ought to be groveling instead.

He finally paused, and he allowed an awkward silence to build up for a moment, then looked down and casually said, “Oh. Is it my turn or yours?”

I swallowed. “Um. It should be mine, I think, but I, ah. Don’t have the money on me right now. Would you mind?”

His mouth tightened just a little like he was thinking about being offended, but then he softened and said, “Of course, honey. Don’t worry about it.”

  


* * *

  


The kids didn’t complain about our limited menu. We made it to my payday. I got a fresh jar of honey, but otherwise I stayed conservative with my spending.

The older kids helped, too. Isabella brought me a handful of coins she’d gotten for helping one extra busy lunch hour when she’d talked her way into washing dishes in a cafe. Serafito brought a bag of nuts he’d gathered somewhere near town. The younger kids brought back a little pile of cookies one day that they got from the baker. I accepted one bite-sized piece for myself, wanting to let them take as much as possible, but also wanting to show my appreciation for their efforts and their self-restraint.

But the incident with the sea creature wasn’t the last thing to go wrong, either. I couldn’t decide if the kids were anxious and it was leading them into more little bits of trouble, or if we’d just used up the best of our luck during the weeks right after everyone had moved in with me.

Flint lost a shoe to the sea. He came home with a chunk of driftwood that he’d tied under his foot with his sock.

“What are you doing? What happened to your shoe?” I asked him.

“Well, it washed out to sea and we couldn’t get it back, but it’s all right. I made a wooden one. It’s kinda like a peg leg?” he said, trailing off and making it a question. I guessed he’d expected more enthusiasm at the sight of his creativity.

I sighed. Footwear was fairly expensive as an unexpected cost, but I didn’t want him to go without. “Okay, I’ll pick up some new shoes in the morning. Please don’t wear holes in your sock. And try to leave your shoes somewhere safer if you’re going close to the water, okay?”

“All right. Sorry,” he mumbled.

Then Cammo came home one night with his shirt in tatters and red lines running down his arm.

“I got scratched by a cat and then I fell a little.”

“Fell down?”

“Well, I kind of fell off the roof, but my shirt got caught on the way, and it tore.”

“Off the…” I shut my eyes.

I’d never regarded roofs as particularly dangerous, except for one time when I watched Serena wobbling along the edge of one. We always made sure she had somebody’s hand to hold in high places after that. But I was pretty sure my Heliodor gang had spent plenty of time climbing around on rooftops, especially Cammo. Nothing really bad had happened this time, and I didn’t have proof that anything bad would happen in the future. I knew I wouldn’t hesitate to climb onto a roof if I had the smallest reason to do it, and I never would have when I was his age, either.

I still had the urge to try to forbid him from the rooftops. It felt hypocritical to do so, but I hated the idea that it could have been worse.

“I’ll get you a new shirt in the morning. Maybe just stay off the rooftops for a little while, okay?” I said, compromising with myself. “At least until we can afford more medicine.”

“All right. Sorry, Erik.”

  


* * *

  


I still kept worrying over Sylv, too, so when a day came at the casino when the boss told us it was time to refresh our inventory and every employee could choose an unclaimed item from the prize counter to take home as a bonus, I picked out a hat to bring to Sylv. It was made of purple ribbons and a lacy mesh, and it was shaped vaguely like a gigantic flower, and it struck me as more than a little ridiculous, but I figured he would get a kick out of it.

“Oh, how lovely, darling!” Sylv said when I handed it over. He held it up to admire it. “But my head’s feeling a little warm right now already. Will you hang onto it for a bit longer?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” I said reflexively, not thinking about the fact that the lightweight thing would hardly offer any warmth at all.

Sylv gave me a bright smile, ignored my outstretched hands, and plopped the hat on top of my head, taking an extra moment to adjust it to some angle he apparently deemed optimal.

I gave him a wry look, but I let him do it. If this was my penance, so be it.

He met my eyes when he finished, and then the corners of his eyes crinkled up to go with his smile, and suddenly I felt like maybe things were okay between us again for the moment.

I didn’t even really mind the hat, after that, and I wore it until halfway through our restaurant outing, when Sylv finally announced, “I believe I’d like my hat, now, if you haven’t become too attached after all.”

“It’s all yours, Sylv,” I said. He beamed, snatched it off my head, and settled it onto his own, with every sign of contentment.

  


* * *

  


I might have improved things with Sylv, but it didn’t mean I had the hang of keeping everything else in balance.

Ana threw a fit at me one morning. “You don’t like me as much as everyone else!”

“What? Ana, that’s not true. Why would you think that?”

“You always go alone with somebody else. You always go with Flint or Crystal or somebody else. You never go with me.”

“Ana, I’m sorry.” She wasn’t wrong about how I’d been organizing our outings; I did keep bringing her along with someone else. I knelt in front of her and put a hand gently on her arm. “I definitely like you as much as everyone else. I didn’t realize you were upset about not spending time just with you and me. But if you wanna do something with just the two of us, we can. We can go to, uh…” I paused, trying to think of something that she’d be excited about that wasn’t too public and wasn’t too expensive.

She mumbled something I couldn’t make out.

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”

“We could go to the candy store,” she said, a little louder.

“Oh. Hmm. Well, maybe so,” I said, smiling. Yes, I’d been trying to avoid spending on nonessential things, but one piece of candy wouldn’t mean anybody starving.

“You shouldn’t take her there,” Isabella said. “She’s not good at pretending she doesn’t know you, and the people there always want to talk to you.”

Ana started crying. I sighed and tugged her towards me, and she let me pull her into my arms.

“Ana, it’s probably true that I shouldn’t take anyone to the candy shop right now. But we could do something else.”

I had to wait until she’d calmed down and eaten breakfast before she finally agreed to think about anything else. I talked her into stargazing, just her and me on the rooftop, on the next clear night.

There were a few too many lights from the surrounding town for the best possible show when we went up together, and Isabella had to poke me in the face to wake me up the next morning, but Ana seemed satisfied with the attention, and I heard her telling the other kids a rough copy of the stories of the constellations I’d taught her.

  


* * *

  


I went to the market one evening, hoping to find a deal on days-old fruit so I could surprise the kids with something sweet for dessert, when I heard a scuffle, and I recognized Serafito at a stall, struggling with his wrist in a merchant’s grasp.

I stepped briskly up to interfere. “What’s going on?” I asked casually.

“Boy’s a thief!” the woman exclaimed. “Fetch a guard, will you?”

I looked down at Serafito. He wouldn’t meet my eyes. I saw a bag of something on the ground by his feet, and I looked at the merchant’s table, and I realized this was probably the true origin of the bag of nuts that Serafito had brought home before.

“That sounds like a bit of a hassle. Seen him getting into trouble before?” I asked casually.

“Well, not that I’ve seen, but he was being a terrible sneak, and I had another bag go missing last week, too.” She scowled.

“Tell you what. I’ll pay you triple your asking price for whatever got dropped, there, and I’ll take the boy for a walk, and see if he’d like a little chat about the Code,” I suggested. I’d been in this town long enough to know that everybody knew something about the Knight’s Pledge and the rest of the code of chivalry that was so popular here.

“Ah.” The woman’s face relaxed at that. “You are a caballero, hm? Very well. I hope you can inspire this one to become a good man before it is too late for him.”

I gave her a noncommittal smile, letting her fill in whatever blanks she wanted. I handed over the coins for the goods I wouldn’t have chosen to buy, and I tilted my head down the street as I addressed Serafito. “Come on. Let’s take a walk.”

He accompanied me in silence, casting quick little glances up at me in between staring at the ground. I waited until we reached the beach and no one else was in hearing range before I spoke.

“That the same place you got the first bag from?” I said.

“I’m sorry, Erik.” I could hear the tears building up in his voice. “Nobody else knew, so don’t get mad at them. If you don’t want me to stay, I’ll go back to the cave, but you should keep everyone else, okay?”

I shook my head and put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey. I’m not mad, okay?”

“You’re not?”

“No. But we do need to talk about this.” I took a deep breath, hoped that I wasn’t about to make a huge mistake in this conversation, and I began with a question. “Why did you decide to try that?”

“I wanted to do something to help. I know we used up all your money. I thought I could bring something good home.”

“Mm. Do you know what happens to kids who steal in this town?”

“No.”

“Me neither. I don’t know what happens to grown-up thieves, here, either. But I do know most people in most places aren’t very fond of thieves. Lots of places have a jail, and if they catch a thief, they’ll lock them up for a while. Days, or years. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case here.” I hadn’t bothered to do the local research on the matter, because that felt like planning for a contingency I didn’t want to think about.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. I don’t think you’d like that, and I don’t think any of the rest of us would, either.”

I let him think about that for a little while. Then he said in a small voice, “What if we run out of money and we can’t afford any food and we can’t find enough for everyone because it’s winter?”

I sighed. “I’m not going to tell you that you should never, ever steal, no matter what. If it comes down to stealing or starving, pick stealing. But it’s pretty much my last choice, personally.” I was a little amused at myself to realize this was completely true, at least as of today. “You want to know why?”

He slowly looked up at me. “Okay.”

“Two reasons. One, I don’t want to go to jail. Even very good thieves can have bad luck and get caught. I don’t want to get stuck where I can’t do anything for the people I care about.”

“Oh.”

“Two, I can’t think of anyone around here that I think deserves to be stolen from. The merchants are doing their job, same as me or anybody else. They might overcharge now and then, but I can’t think of anyone that’s really unreasonable about it, or trying to take advantage of people. Even the nobility in this town are too nice to want to steal from them,” I said, thinking about Sylv.

He frowned. “So it’s okay to steal from mean people?”

I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my forehead. “I, uh. No. Maybe? Look, even if someone kind of deserves it, it’s not a good enough reason for you to try to steal from them, okay?” I wouldn’t be devastated if he grew up to steal from the Farises of the world, but I would be if I encouraged him and then he got caught doing it.

“But what if we have to starve or steal?”

“I think we’re a ways off from having to make that choice. But, listen. If you absolutely have to steal someday, don’t go right for a high ticket item like those nuts. Those are pretty expensive, so of course the merchant’s going to pay attention and get mad. Pick something cheap, like rice or beans or bread. Wait until everyone’s distracted, and never, ever let someone see you looking around for witnesses or walking unnaturally, not if you’re doing it in broad daylight.” I stopped, then gave him a crooked smile, rethinking the wisdom of giving him a detailed tutorial.

“Did you ever steal anything?” he asked me, wide eyed.

“Yeah, I did. A long time ago. I was pretty good at it, and I still got caught and thrown in a dungeon for it, too. So let that be a lesson to you.”

“Okay,” he said. I wasn’t convinced that he was convinced.

“Look, I mean it. Don’t steal anything else, okay? We aren’t that desperate. Think about how sad Paz would be if you went to jail. We can figure out other options if we need to. Come talk to me if you get really worried, all right?”

“All right.”

  


* * *

  


I started losing some sleep over all the little problems, wondering if I was handling them correctly. Should be laying down some kind of rules in an attempt to keep everyone safer and happier? Even the problems like lost shoes cost enough money that I knew we weren’t going to have a safety margin for a while, and another problem like the venomous sea creature wouldn’t be manageable.

So I was a little groggy one morning when Mica complained about his leg again.

“What’s wrong?”

“It feels funny. Kind of achy and my sock won’t go on.”

I took a look. I didn’t like it. The previously injured leg was looking swollen and oddly discolored. I gently ran my fingertips over his ankle and found a rough texture.

“Let’s just go see the doctor again, okay? See if he can tell us what’s up.”

I carried him piggy-back over to the doctor’s house, and I hovered nearby while the doctor looked him over.

“Hmm. Looks like a rare side effect of the medicine you gave him last time. I do wish the alchemist would release the formula so we knew exactly what causes this.”

“What? What’s happening?”

“Don’t worry, it’s reversible with another salve. Let me write down the name for you.”

“What was wrong with the medicine? What side effect?”

“It’s known as scalification.”

“Scalification?”

“I’ve only seen the after effects one time. The medicine to resolve it is very effective, when we catch it the same day it begins, like this. It wouldn’t become permanent unless it was left to develop for at least a week after these first symptoms.”

“But what is it?” I heard my frustration leaking into my voice, and Mica gave me a worried look. I put a hand on his shoulder and glared over his head at the doctor.

“Oh. Untreated, the leg would grow scales and fins and become rather more flexible. Theoretically useful for swimming, if it were to happen to both legs at once, but walking would be impaired. I’ve always wondered if this effect is what started those fanciful legends about merfolk,” he added.

I pressed my free hand against my forehead, and I decided I was completely uninterested in educating the man about mermaids. “This happened because of the first medicine you made us buy?”

“It is a rare side effect, and I daresay it’s not as bad as leaving that poison untreated. Here is the information on the salve you’ll want.”

“Right.” I snatched the paper out of his hand, irrationally angry over the matter, but unable to come up with any coherent excuse to shout at him. Instead, I carried Mica back out into the street and headed homeward.

“Sorry, Erik.”

I realized I was scowling and tense. I made myself relax. “No, kid, it’s okay. Definitely not your fault this happened to you. I guess it’s nobody’s fault, really. Let me drop you at home and then I’ll...go see if the shop’s open yet.”

Go see if I could afford the medicine, I meant, but I wasn’t going to say that to Mica. Now that the first shock of adrenaline was wearing off, I was getting worried. Maybe this wasn’t life and death, but the predicted weird partial transformation sounded awful, and I couldn’t bear to think of just letting it happen to him. I struggled to keep a calm face while I deposited him with the other kids and slipped back out to visit the store.

I was right to worry. The salve was way out of my budget.

I walked out into the street, feeling fear building up in the back of my head like I hadn’t felt in an age. All my past anxiety over Brick, Derk, anyone I’d ever wronged, suddenly seemed like the stupidest little concern against this. There was a kid counting on me for his well-being, and I didn’t know how to fix this. I couldn’t think my way through the problem. I could hardly think at all.

I wandered back to the apartment with half an idea of selling the furniture, the cookware. I couldn’t sell the stove, because that came with the apartment, I thought stupidly.

Serafito took a look at me, and I probably wasn’t projecting reassurance, because he said, “Erik? Can we go talk?”

Isabella gave him a sharp look, then turned to the rest of the room and said, “Flint’s in charge.” Then she herded both Serafito and me outside and into the back alley.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” she asked.

“We need the medicine, but it’s just a little expensive,” I said. “I’m going to have to…”

I didn’t know what the end of the sentence was supposed to be. Steal? At that price, I might be taking a month of food from the merchant’s family. And I didn’t like the risk anymore, either. If I got thrown in some prison, I wouldn’t be able to do anything for Mica or the rest of them, anyway. I’d do it if I had to, but I wished I could think of something else.

“How expensive?” said Isabella.

“Almost as much as rent on the apartment,” I admitted. I'd have to deliver that in the next couple of days.

Serafito hugged himself. “Is it too much because you had to pay for the nuts?”

“Huh? No, no. That wasn’t anywhere close to this price.”

“What if…” Isabella bit her lip.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know if I should ask you.”

“Please. If you have an idea, anything might help.” I was probably being way too honest, I thought distantly, but then, these were smart kids.

“What if we all moved out?” she said. “Back into the cave? Or somewhere else like that.” She looked down. “Sorry, I know that’s asking a lot…”

“No, that might be a really good idea,” I said, feeling my sensation of helplessness receding as I grasped at the suggestion. “The cave might be kind of far for me to get to the casino and back every day and still do much else to help out, but there might be somewhere closer. Didn’t we see an abandoned looking hut out near the coastline?”

“Yeah! ” Serafito perked up. “I went in there once, it seemed pretty neat.”

“Is that really okay, Erik?” said Isabella, forehead scrunched up. “We made you take in more kids and we used up all your money and now you won’t have your home anymore.”

“Isabella…” I knelt and looked her in the eye, and I placed a hand on her shoulder. “Look, I’ve lived without a home before, and I’ve also lived without the people I cared about. I’d rather ditch the home, no contest. Okay?”

“Okay.”

She looked like she might be going to cry, so I pulled her into a hug. Serafito took half a step towards us, so I reached out another arm and pulled him in too, and I held on to both of them for a minute. My tough, brave wild kids.

  


* * *

  


Mica’s leg recovered as advertised with the new salve, and a few days later, we picked up everything we hadn’t sold, and we set out for the abandoned shack we’d selected in the countryside. The building wasn’t completely windproof, and we had to shoo a lot of bugs out of our way, but it was serviceable as a shelter, and it was less than an hour’s walk to get into town. There wasn’t a fireplace, but I set up a space for a little campfire outside so we could cook if the weather was good.

It would still be a while before I had much room in the budget, but not having to pay for rent would really start to pay off in another month. I bought some extra bulk foodstuffs while I had a little cash left over, and some travel rations that I knew would be edible without cooking. There wasn’t as much to forage as the season moved toward winter, but we were doing all right.

  


* * *

  


I made certain to visit Sylv on time. I hadn’t told him I’d moved, and I didn’t want to give him a reason to visit the old apartment.

I wasn’t terribly good company, though. I kept losing track of what he was talking about, thinking about the makeshift house instead, and the handful of problems we’d discovered in the first few days. The roof leaked in one spot when it rained. We were using the cookpot for a bucket, since we couldn’t cook without a fire, anyway. And there was a big tree outside that offered shade, which was probably helpful in the summer heat, but I worried a little bit about full winter. Without a fireplace, I wasn’t sure huddling together for warmth was going to cut it for these warm-climate kids on the coldest days.

“Erik?” Sylv asked.

“Huh? Sorry. I just spaced out. Guess I’m kinda tired.”

“Any particular reason why?”

I shrugged.

“How’s your big secret going these days, anyway? Still coming along?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah.”

I felt him study my face for a long moment.

“I know you’re not supposed to tell me, but if...Well, I hope you know I’m here for you, darling.”

I finally looked up at him and registered the worry on his face. I managed to dredge up a smile. “Thanks, Sylv.”

“You should get some rest. Shall I walk you home?”

“Uh, no, I’ll walk you home.” I stood up and led the way before he could challenge me over it. He gave me a resigned, sort of melancholy look, but he let me steer him towards his own home.

I hated the realization that I’d added a second significant secret to keep from Sylv, but I could hardly explain my new residence without outing the kids. So I kept it to myself.

  


* * *

  


We discovered that at least one of our small, many-legged houseguests was venomous and inclined to fight back when threatened. I carried Crystal to town at a sprint, and I shelled out too much money for another cure. At least the creature was a local menace, so the cost wasn’t nearly as bad as the other price tags.

I picked up a handful of first aid items. I couldn’t afford a huge selection, but at least I could stock up enough for a couple more little emergencies. The way things were going, I felt sure there would be another one soon enough.

We did our best to insect-proof the shack by filling in the worst of the holes with dirt, bits of wood, and scraps from Cammo’s old ruined shirt. At least it seemed to discourage the biggest ones.

  


* * *

  


The weather turned rainy and cool. I discovered that without a place to make a fire indoors, it was extremely difficult to get our clothes dry, even letting them hang up overnight. I asked the kids to stay indoors as much as possible when it rained. I begrudgingly bought another change of clothes for myself with the last of my cash on hand, and I kept my casino uniform in the staff room at the casino itself, because the walk to town tended to make me soaked, even through my rain gear.

The cold rain started to seem more draining to me than the snow ever had. One evening, after I changed from the casino uniform back into my still-damp casual clothes, I went to Sylv’s place, but the walk over there was enough to drench me to the point where I might have been better off in my underwear.

“Erik, you’re soaked!” Sylv exclaimed when he saw me. “Come in. Do you want to change into something else?”

I thought about it, but the way I was feeling, I might collapse into a chair and fall asleep, and Sylv would let me rest, and then I’d have to make my way home in the darkest, coldest part of the night. The kids might fall asleep and let the light go out if I was too late, and when it was raining, it wasn’t easy to find my way to the shack in the dark. Besides, if I got dry now, going back out into the weather would be that much more unpleasant.

“Would you mind too much if I skipped tonight?” I said, instead. “Kind of drained.”

“Oh. Of course, darling. Get some rest.” I guess I looked more pitiful than shifty about it, because he gave me a smile full of worried sympathy.

  


* * *

  


We had one blessedly sunny day, but when I got home that evening, I found a kind of chaotic energy in the room.

Isabella, Serafito, and Flint were hunched around the contents of my first aid kit, which were strewn across the floor. The other Heliodor kids were clustered in a half circle around Paz and Ana. Isabella was holding a jar close to the lantern and squinting at the label, but she jumped when I opened the door. “Erik!”

“Hey. What’s going on?” I asked in my best calm and curious tone.

“Paz and Ana found a flower,” Crystal said. “I squished it with a long stick, so it didn’t get to me.”

I looked more closely, and I sucked in a sharp breath, because the two littlest kids were covered in a startling array of green spots all over their faces.

For once, though, this was an affliction I actually recognized. “A huge purple flower that looked like a giant head?” I used my hand with my fingers rounded and pinched together to imitate the bulbous shape I was picturing.

“Yeah,” Crystal said. “It was full of dust.”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “Are your spots itchy?”

“Yes,” Paz and Ana chorused miserably, and they reached up to touch their faces.

I caught their hands. “Don’t touch it, that’ll make it worse.”

I’d seen this once before, when Brick had led us down from an exhausting fight at the Eerie Eyrie, and Veronica had tried to perk Serena up with what she thought was an innocent, interesting looking flower. Serena had been out of the magical energy she normally could have used to clear up the resulting reaction to the irritant after she’d tried to smell the flower, but she’d just laughed and applied an anti-itch cream instead. “Why else have we been carrying this around all this time?” she’d said. 

She’d had enough on hand to keep applying it for a few more days, and she didn’t bother to heal herself. I got the impression she was having too much fun joking about the way the green polka dots on her face complemented Veronica’s dress. I guessed it wasn’t too often Veronica made the kind of mistake Serena got to tease her over.

I had a little bit of the same kind of salve in my first aid kit. It was only supposed to be enough for one dose, but I figured I could stretch it enough for the two kids.

I used the lightest touch I could to rub the stuff onto their faces, and they both agreed it was better, to the point they cheered up and started laughing at each other’s faces. I smiled a little, watching them.

But I’d used up almost the whole jar. It had taken days for Serena to get over the problem. I was flat broke right now, and I wouldn’t be able to afford another dose for three more days.

  


* * *

  


I went to the casino the next day tired and distracted. I’d been up late worrying about the kids, and I was still worrying about them. I was fairly sure they would be all right, but they would be miserable, and I felt like it was my fault. They wouldn’t be suffering if I’d warned them about that kind of flower, or if I’d been there to keep an eye on them, or if we were still living in town, or if I’d handled my money differently so I could afford more of the salve.

I was preoccupied to the point that my boss caught me making two costly mistakes in a row, and I didn’t even notice she was watching until she stepped up and said to my client, “Congratulations on your wins! I’m afraid this table’s going to close for a bit, but I’m sure luck like that will follow you to another table!”

Then she pulled me into the back room and said, “Everything okay, Erik? You don’t seem like yourself.”

“I’m fine, thanks. Do you have the extra shifts I asked for?”

“No, and I don’t think that would be a good idea if I did. You need a vacation, Erik. Take some more time off.”

“I need the money right now.”

“I need you not to lose money for the casino. A mistake now and again is fine, but your head wasn’t in the game today. Go home. I’ll credit you for the rest of the afternoon, but I want you to take tomorrow off.”

“But—”

“Nope. I’ve made up my mind. Take a break. Show me you’re responsible enough to keep you around.”

I swallowed, then nodded. I tried to remind myself that after my payday, I’d have a buffer again, even if I had to take a day off without pay.

At least I could spend the extra time watching out for the kids.

  


* * *

  


My forced vacation day wasn’t much of a vacation. Paz and Ana took turns being surly and ill-mannered through their affliction, waking me up as well as each other throughout the night, and not getting any rest during the day, either. The rest of the kids shuffled around restlessly in too little space. It was stormy, too rainy and windy and chilly for the outdoors to hold any appeal whatsoever, so we all stayed inside, and the group kept forgetting to be quiet, and every time I thought the itchy, tired pair were about to nod off and forget their misery for a while, somebody burst into laughter or shouting, and they’d wake up again.

I was starting to feel as worn out and cranky as the two grumpy kids by the time the sun set, though it hardly made the little window any darker with the way the rain was pouring down outside. I was going to have to extract myself from Paz and Ana’s grasp so I could empty our rain cauldron again before long.

But then an incomprehensibly loud and sudden noise made us all jump, or maybe the house itself shook us into motion. I barely registered what was happening as a chunk of wood fell from the ceiling, narrowly missing the kids in the middle of the room, and a gaping hole appeared in the roof, with a thick tree branch and a spray of water inviting themselves into our space. We all stared, stunned, while the new hole in our home let the storm in to drench all of us. And our bedding. And our foodstuffs.

I recovered enough to curse, and then I picked up the two crying, sleep-deprived kids and herded the rest toward the front wall of the shack. The angle of the rain meant that was the closest thing to shelter and safety we had, here. I shut my eyes and tried to come up with a better plan.

We needed shelter, and we needed it as soon as possible, I realized. If it was just me, I'd be okay finding some hidey hole and enduring, but I couldn’t let the kids be cold and wet all night. But I didn’t have enough cash for an inn room, and even if there might be a chance the cave was dry enough, it was too far away.

I was out of resources. This was it. I’d tried, and I’d failed. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t take care of the kids, and also live on the right side of the law, and also keep them secret. Something had to give.

And with that realization, one other option finally opened up in front of me. It was the easiest option. Maybe the only option right now. Probably it was an option I should have considered much sooner, if I’d ever stopped to think outside of the box I’d put myself into, but I’d gotten so used to dancing around our secrets that I hadn’t been able to seriously think of letting go of them until I couldn't figure out any other way to keep going.

“Okay, listen up,” I said, shouting over the noise of the storm. “This isn’t gonna work tonight. We need to get to a safe place and get warm. I know of one place we can go. But you’re going to have to trust me, and you’re going to have to trust an adult you don’t know. I think everything will be okay, but you’re going to have to let me talk to him about all of you. Okay?”

I looked around at the group, making eye contact with Isabella and Flint the longest, since they tended to be leaders among the kids, and they’d been the most stubbornly opposed to having anyone know about them.

They both nodded along with the rest. I gave a small sigh of relief. At least that part was out of the way. At least I wasn’t going to have to break my promise against their will.

All that was left was a very unpleasant few minutes of travel and one immensely awkward conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WIP note: today's going to be a double-update. If you catch this chapter immediately, please watch for the next, which should be out shortly.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WIP note: Today’s a double-update, because it was disproportionately long for one chapter, but I liked the end of this chapter better for a pause between updates. If you’re checking for updates as they’re posted, and you jumped right here to the latest chapter, hop on back to Chapter 9 first.

“Hi, Servantes. Can we come in?”

“Sí, sí, sí, come in, come in!” Servantes looked comically surprised, but he immediately pulled the door wide open and waved us in out of the rain. “What can we do?”

“Can you get Sylv? Uh, Norberto.”

“Of course, un momento.” The man took the stairs two at a time, with less decorum than I’d ever seen on him. “Norberto!” Less formality, too.

“What’s wrong?” I heard Sylv’s voice, muffled through the door. I swallowed, suddenly nervous, but then I caught Isabella watching my face, and I scrounged up a weak smile for her.

“You have, ah, visitors,” Servantes said, and then the door to the room was opening, and there was Sylv, his shirt untucked and his hair hanging loose.

He stepped to the top of the stairs, and then he went still, watching us wide-eyed. “Erik?” he said in a tone of complete astonishment.

I spared a glance for the group surrounding me. I held Paz and Ana against my sides, and my arms were turning to rubber from trying to hold them up, but they both had fistfuls of my clothes, and they’d stopped crying for the moment, and I didn’t really want to put them down. The other kids clustered close around me; I felt several hands tugging on the end of my tunic, and Isabella and Serafito crossed their arms and stood close at the edges of the group, like a couple of honor guards. Everyone had a poncho on, but we’d been in the rain too long for them to do us any good. We were all soaked through and making a muddy puddle below us on the very nice floor.

I took a deep breath and looked back up at Sylvando. “Hey, Sylv. Got a favor to ask.”

Sylv burst into motion, rushing down the stairs and fairly skidding to a halt in front of us. “Are you all right? Is everyone all right? Oh, you’re soaked, my dears. Servantes, can you set up a space…”

“We’ll warm up the dining hall right away,” said Servantes, already moving across the room.

“Do you need food? A doctor?” Sylv asked, glancing at Ana’s face.

“Food would be good. Don’t think we need a doctor, but if you have some salve to stop itching, we’d really appreciate it. Last dose has worn off by now, and these two aren’t having a great time.” Ana helpfully illustrated with a mournful, noisy sniffle, then wiped her nose on my shoulder.

“We can definitely do that. Come on, let’s get you into the other room. We’ll have a fire, and we’ll bring some dry things for you before dinner.”

We'd apparently roused the rest of the staff, too, because there was already a fire in the hearth by the time we stepped into the next room. The kitchen door was in motion at the far end of the room, and I nodded at the other two staff peering at us from inside before the door swung closed.

Servantes reappeared a moment later with a large basket full of cloth. "I thought the squires' uniforms would help? Nothing fancy, but they're dry, and we have plenty of them."

"Good thinking," Sylvando said, going to help him to roughly sort the stack by size. The maid came back with towels, and we worked to get everyone significantly drier than when we walked in.

I worried that the kids would balk at wearing a uniform, so I declined Sylv's offer to find something else for me, and I accepted one for myself, too. I spared a thought for what kind of monstrous squires they had that there were uniforms even bigger than my size. Then I remembered the story of boy Hendrik and found an instant of fleeting amusement.

Paz and Ana were the toughest challenge in the process. Between their spots, lack of sleep, and the dramatic events, they were clearly past their limits, and they both threw fits when I tried to set them down in order to get them into dry clothes.

"Okay, you two, I'm sorry, but I can't help this. We need to get you dry, and I have to set you down. I'm going to help Ana first because she's the youngest. Okay?" I kept up a stream of commentary in an attempt to reassure them at least a little.

Sylv tried his best to charm them, kneeling next to Paz and speaking in a soft voice while I worked with Ana. Paz turned his face away, continuing to sob.

"Sorry, Sylv, I think you might have better luck tomorrow, but he's got nothing left right now."

Sylv gave him another deeply sympathetic look, then nodded and stood. He left me to it and turned to talk to the other kids.

I tuned them out for a minute while I focused on the two neediest ones. I thought about not bothering changing, myself, but it wouldn't help if they were feeling this clingy and I just got them wet again. I skipped the tabard, just taking the simple shirt and pants. The extra bit of warmth wasn't worth the extra seconds to put it on, not for me anyway.

"Okay, okay. Come on." I coaxed Paz to his feet, but Ana was still sulking, and I had to pick her up and carry her over to a chair at the table. The chair was a big, heavy thing with sturdy arms, and I tried to maneuver it with my feet until suddenly Sylv was there moving it for me. 

My arms felt like jelly, but I sat down carefully instead of flopping down like I wanted to, trying not to disturb Ana. Paz started trying to climb on me before I was settled. I didn't have the heart to scold him, or the presence of mind to suggest any alternate configuration, so I let him find his own place, his knees digging uncomfortably into my thigh and his butt hanging over the arm of the chair, and his damp hair trying to find its way up my nose.

"We have the salve, when you're ready, my loves," said Sylv nearby, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

That turned out to be a whole process on its own. Ana and Paz both stubbornly decided that they didn’t want anyone but me to touch their faces, not even Isabella, and definitely not Sylv, but they also desperately both wanted to stay in my lap. I did the best I could to maneuver around them, and then as soon as I finished with Ana, she dropped her head back on my shoulder and sloppily smeared her cheek along my borrowed shirt, so I had to go back and touch up my work again after I finished with Paz.

They both fell asleep on me by the time somebody brought a pot of soup from the kitchen, and I finally looked up to see what else was going on in the room.

I caught Sylv watching me with a strange sort of smile, and I felt like there was some nuance to the expression I was missing, but then I spotted a couple of the boys peering out the door to the room. "Cammo, Flint, stay in the same room with us, please,” I called. “I'm too tired for hide-and-seek tonight, and it's not polite to wander around somebody's house when you're a guest."

"We weren't gonna go anywhere," Flint declared. "We was just lookin'."

I looked back to see how the soup experience was playing out, and I saw Crystal and Mica holding unfamiliar vegetables on their spoons, vigorously blowing on them to cool off the food, then squishing the chunks between their fingers.

"Okay,” I said, “You guys remember the time we were talking about table manners, and I said if you went to visit somebody else for dinner, you might not want to use your fingers to eat? Now would be a good time to think about just using your spoons."

"Sorry, Erik," they mumbled. They licked their fingers before settling into a more traditional style of using a dining table.

I glanced at the oldest kids, and I smiled, because they were making sure everyone else was served first. Isabella brought me a bowl of soup. "I can take Ana," she offered.

"Thanks, Isabella, but you should eat first."

"Okay."

With everyone's needs being taken care of, thanks to Sylv, and with a moment of calm, I started to relax out of my problem-solving mode.

Then I found Sylv looking at me again with that odd smile, and I suddenly started to worry about what he must think of all this. If he was putting on the smile to cover up some kind of horrified dismay at the discovery that this was my secret, at the understanding that it had come to this, that I'd let things fall apart to the point that I'd had to show up on his doorstep in the night, begging for basic food and shelter for a bunch of kids who deserved to have those things guaranteed every day.

I looked away, trying to keep my calm, and Isabella and Serafito returned to take Paz and Ana, and I used my newly freed arms to shovel down my own portion of soup, barely tasting it.

"How do you want to set up for the night?"

"Huh?" I barely heard Sylv's question.

"We can't quite give everyone their own room, but we could do girls and boys, if you don't want one big room. Or we can put you all together, barracks style."

"Oh. One room's good. You can put us in bedrolls if you don't have beds for everyone. Or just blankets. Extra towels. Whatever. I'm good just on the floor," I said, before I realized I was rambling.

"Mm. Erik, honey, the one time you finally accept my hospitality, I'm not leaving you to sleep on the floor. We have plenty of beds. We don't have any young people staying with us this season since my papi's not in town to train them here, so there's plenty of room without any extra work to set it up."

"Oh. Okay. Thanks."

We settled the kids into the guest room, and I took a minute to wander through the room, checking that everyone was okay. I thought they were being won over by the novelty of the manor house and the fact that they each had their own bed, but they still had a collective nervous energy. I had to use my stern voice to get them to settle down.

They kept casting glances at Sylv, who hovered near the doorway and kept offering extra pillows or blankets, until I gave him a wry smile and he seemed to realize he wasn't necessarily calming the kids down. "I guess I should head upstairs. I'll be up for a while yet if you want to drop by for a chat later, Erik."

"Right." I looked away, not wanting to show him the unreasoning dread that hit me when he suggested it, and I only heard his soft, "Sweet dreams, my dears," the door, and his footsteps.

I took a few minutes to get everyone settled, and then I looked toward the door.

"Are you going to sleep here, Erik?" asked Serafito.

"Yeah, of course. I'm going to pop up and talk to Sylv for a bit, but I'll be back in a while."

I started drifting through the room towards the door, but I stopped at the last bed where Paz was already fast asleep. I smoothed a lock of hair out of his face, and then I lingered a little longer. I wasn’t sure whether I was stalling, or just taking a minute to appreciate that he seemed to be more comfortable at last.

I got back to my feet, felt a million years old, found another little bottom-of-the-barrel smile for Serafito who was still watching me, and raised my hand in a small wave. “Back in a bit. Don’t wait up.”

I almost stopped walking halfway up the stairs, because once again that feeling of shapeless dread hit me at the looming prospect of talking to Sylv alone. But then I saw Servantes sitting up in a chair in the entry hall, and he looked up from his book, smiled at me, and raised his eyebrows like Sylv asking a silent question. I gave him a shaky smile back, and I continued on my way.

I tapped on Sylv’s door. It was a pretty pitiful knock, barely audible, but he opened up after only a moment. He held the door open and waved me in, smiling.

“Everybody settled in okay? Do you need anything else?”

“Yeah, we’re fine. Thanks.” Then I felt like an idiot, because I felt massively more gratitude than the one brief word conveyed. Gratitude, and a growing pile of guilt.

“You look exhausted, darling. Come in, sit down.” He put a hand on my shoulder and steered me over to the sofa along one side of his room, and we sat, and the deep, cushioned seat tried to take me captive.

He waited in silence for a moment, but I couldn’t come up with anything to say, so he filled in for me. “I have to say, you do know how to make an entrance, darling.”

“Huh?”

“Of all the times you’ve ever surprised me, this one really takes the cake.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, sweetheart. I’m glad we were able to help.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“So, is this related to the big secret you’ve been keeping? Are their parents...Does anyone else need help, tonight?”

“Oh. Uh. They don’t…” I ran a hand through my hair. Almost dry now. “They’re the whole secret. There’s no parents. They were living on their own when I found them.”

“What?”

Slowly, I told him the story of finding the wild kids in the cave, and the second gang in the slums, and how they’d all come to live with me. Conscious of their worries about having strange adults step in and try to control their lives, I couldn’t decide whether to talk up their self-sufficiency, or to try to suggest that I almost had everything under control, that I would be ready to take care of them properly if I could just get ahead of this string of catastrophes. But I was too exhausted for nuance, and I just started spilling everything that had been happening.

For once, talking to Sylv failed to make me feel better, as I recounted all of the little failures of the past weeks, and I remembered each moment of panic and dismay and dread, and I thought about how each situation could have gone worse than it did, and I thought: the kids deserve better than this. Only, I didn’t know how to get them to accept it from anyone else, so I needed to find some way to do better. Even though I thought I’d been doing my best. Maybe I was doomed to always let them down.

I finally ran my mouth all the way up to present time, staring at my hands in my lap, feeling like I might drown in Sylv’s sofa. He sat in silence for a moment, and I swallowed against the dread of his judgement.

“Anyway,” I added nervously, “It’s been a run of bad luck, but we were doing pretty good before that. So, I think we just need help for a day or so. I’ll pay you back for the food and everything in a week if that’s okay.”

“Honey, no. You don’t have to pay me for food, you’re—”

“No, I don’t want to owe you anything. You don’t have to give me anything just because we used to travel together or whatever.”

“Erik!” Sylv spoke in a sharp voice, and I finally looked up, startled, then dismayed to find him looking at me with an expression like I’d just stabbed him with my knife. “‘We used to travel together?’ ‘Or whatever?’ I thought we were at least friends by now!”

“Oh. Oh, hell. I’m sorry, Sylv.” I pressed a hand over my face. “Sorry. We are. Of course we are. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, all this time. There’s no one else that’s been a better friend to me, ever. I just don’t want you to feel like I’m using you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m not actually handling anything well at all.” I heard my voice shake on the last few words, felt myself on the edge of breaking down like I hadn’t done since the night I ran from Brick, and I gritted my teeth to try to hold myself together.

“Oh. Oh, darling,” Sylv said, softer than I’d ever heard him say it.

He shifted on the sofa, and he put his hands on my shoulders, then gently tugged me towards him until my head leaned against his shoulder, and his arms settled around me, and the sudden comfort of him knocked me right over the edge. All at once my breath turned ragged, and my eyes started watering into the soft silk of his shirt, and I muttered a curse as I gave up on the pretense of competent adulthood.

I felt like Ana, four years old and worn out and helpless, incapable of turning away from the best source of safety and reassurance. I slowly leaned more of my weight against Sylv while I wept, and he murmured soft reassurances into my hair. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay. Everybody’s going to be fine. I’ll help you as much as you need, as long as you need, just because I want to. You’ve done so much on your own, haven’t you? But it’s okay to ask for help. I promise, everything’s going to be okay.”

It took me a little while to wind down. The stress and tension of the past weeks seemingly had to physically work their way out of my body, and by the time my breathing returned to normal, I felt like I’d turned into a puddle. I thought about getting up and going back downstairs, but it seemed like the first time in a year that I’d been anything like relaxed, and Sylv didn’t seem to mind the fact that I was stuck to him like a tame slime.

I thought that maybe this was fine. If Sylv was letting me stay here, then maybe this was something friends might do for each other now and then. Maybe it would be all right if I just took an extra minute here before I had to face the world again.

I was half aware of myself falling asleep, but as I slid further towards unconsciousness, it seemed less and less important to move. My thoughts turned to fuzz faster than I could formulate any plan of action, and sleep dragged me down.

  


* * *

  


When I woke up, it was dark, with only a hint of light from the town through the open curtains, and I blinked, disoriented.

Then I realized that I’d fallen asleep draped over Sylvando. My cheek was squished against his chest, and I could hear his heartbeat slow and steady in my ear, and his breathing was deep and even, and he was warm, and I registered the soft scent of his floral perfume. My arm had fallen down to his waist, my knuckles loosely curled against his hip. One of his arms pressed down against my back in a casual embrace.

And I realized that maybe I could innocently fall asleep in his arms like a child, but waking up there was something else entirely. I wanted to stay here for more reason than simple comfort. Suddenly, I wanted very much to lay there in the dark against him, to press my hand flat against his hip, to investigate whether his shirt was tucked in or not. I wanted to shift my weight and move upwards, try to find the exact spot he’d applied his perfume. Maybe see if it tasted the same as it smelled.

I wanted him to wake up and want me the way I suddenly wanted him, and my fingers at his hip unfolded without my conscious input to find that yes, he’d tucked in his shirt, but the one fingertip that landed above the waistband of his trousers found only a thin layer of silk blocking me from his skin.

Then some scrap of rationality finally made an appearance in my brain, and I forced my hand to be still, and I struggled to think about what I actually ought to be doing right now.

The short answer was: definitely not this.

The first halfway useful thought that my drowsy, desire-addled mind came up with was that I was pretty sure it was a dumb idea to just proposition him and pretend a single night was going to work for me, even if he said yes.

Now that I had my eyes open, I could see my pattern over the past months, and I knew that I was already stupidly head over heels. I’d been desperately trying not to label it as romantic interest, because I was desperately afraid to lose the piece of it that really was friendship, but there it was, same as it always seemed to go when I got really close to someone who wasn’t family. 

I wasted a few seconds wishing I could enjoy a whirlwind romance, attraction from a first meeting, the way I gathered it had gone for Derk and Opal. Maybe then I wouldn’t surprise myself with this sort of thing. Maybe I’d have an easier time keeping my close friendships if I didn’t keep using them as a launching point for this kind of wanting. But I guessed I couldn’t do anything the easy way, because I’d never been the least bit interested in somebody I’d just met. I evidently had to slowly work my way through respect, admiration, trust, love, and from there, I didn’t know how to keep myself from falling into the final stage of my pattern, which historically seemed to involve uselessly wallowing in a pit of pointless longing.

He’s into guys, I heard Brick’s voice say in my memory. Maybe it wasn’t pointless this time. A wild surge of hope ran through me, and I took in half a quick breath with the impulse to wake him up and ask.

But I stopped, and I thought a little longer, and I realized that if I asked Sylv for anything beyond friendship, and he rejected me, I didn’t know what my idiot heart would do. I was certain that whatever it was, it wouldn’t help the current situation. I didn’t think I would run this time, not with the kids depending on me, not after all the patience and understanding Sylv had shown me, and not after my recent habit of reconciliation. But I guessed I probably wouldn’t act like a reasonable person for a while. I would be standoffish at best, and I imagined the kids would pick up on it, and they wouldn’t trust Sylv, even though they definitely should, because he was objectively the best sort of person.

And even if I asked and instead discovered that for once, by some miracle, the person I wanted might actually want me in return, well, it was still terrible timing. I’d spoken of debt and repayment only hours before. If he was willing to open his heart to me so far as I wanted, I really didn’t want to let him imagine that I was only making an offer out of desperation. I was pretty sure he was too much of a romantic at heart to want any kind of crass transaction of a relationship, and if we started something, I didn’t want to let him ever doubt whether I really wanted him.

I wanted to make him always feel wanted, and loved, and I started visualizing ways I might try to do that, and then I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to interrupt that train of thought before it got out of hand again. Not now. Not tonight, not like this. I needed to step away and leave the whole thing for some other time.

Decision made, I gathered up my resolve to make myself move. It still took me a minute, wherein I told myself I was only trying to figure out how to extract myself without waking him, not cataloguing the feel of every place my body was pressed against his. Then I started moving very slowly, as though I was trying to steal a purse from a restless sleeper.

The arm he had around my back was the most difficult challenge, because his hold on me seemed to tighten as I shifted. I inched away until his arm slid far enough that I could get my forearm under his, and then it was easier to maneuver. I used his sleeve to gently lift his arm and bring it to rest on his thigh, and I was free.

I stood up to go, planning to sneak back down to the guest room and finally take up one of the empty beds in the dormitory room with the kids. I stopped to take one last look at Sylvando’s shadowy figure.

Then I registered that he was sleeping with his neck bent at a weird angle, with the top of his head resting against the wall. I frowned. There was no way that was comfortable. He was going to wake up with a nasty cramp.

I spent the next several minutes trying to figure out how to stealthily wedge a pillow between his head and the wall, and in the end, I failed. He woke up with my hand in his hair and the pillow above his head.

“Hmm...Gyah!” He flailed and rolled off the sofa, hitting me below the knees and knocking me off balance.

“Sorry sorry it’s me sorry woah!” I said in the meantime. I fell over and landed half on top of him and half on the sofa.

“Erik?”

“Sorry, my fault, sorry. I was trying to use the pillow to prop up your head without waking you up.” I ignored the fool voice in my head that thought I should “slip” and fall the rest of the way on top of him to see what might happen, and I pried my weight off of him and onto my hands and toes. “Guess I kinda flubbed it.”

I felt bad until Sylv started snickering. “Honey,” he managed after a minute, and then he just went back to laughing. I started smiling as I levered myself up onto my feet.

“Okay, come on off the floor, already,” I said, reaching down for his hand to help him up. If I found his wrist first and let my fingers slide down his arm on the way, it was only because of the dark.

“Thank you, darling. That’s the sweetest reason I’ve ever woken up to a menacing shadow looming over me.”

I snorted and tugged him to an upright position while he finished working the giggles out of his system. “Yeah, sure, any time.” I virtuously let go of his hand.

I watched the dark shape of him stretch, tilting his neck to the opposite side and confirming my suspicion that the awkward position had been a problem. At least I hadn’t woken him up for nothing.

“We fell asleep, didn’t we? Are you feeling better?” He reached out and found my shoulder with his hand.

“Yeah. I am.” A little too good when you touch me like that, I didn’t say. “Thanks. I really appreciate, well, everything.”

“You’re extremely welcome, darling.” He squeezed my shoulder and then pulled his hand away. Good, I thought, as I mourned its absence.

“I guess I should go back down so the kids don’t wake up without me there. Is it…” I hesitated, still feeling a sliver of reluctance to ask for favors, but between the nap and everything surrounding it, it wasn’t nearly as difficult as it had felt earlier. “Is it okay if we stay for a few days?”

“Absolutely, darling. We’ll be delighted to have you.”

I definitely needed to get out of there, because that was clearly normal Sylvando enthusiasm, but right now I wanted to read way too deeply into it, wanted to work my way back into his arms and ask him to whisper it into my ear. I took a small step towards the door, instead.

“Okay. Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow. Today. In the morning. Night. I mean, goodnight, Sylv.”

“Goodnight, Erik.” I couldn’t make out his face, but I could hear the smile in his voice. I raised my hand in the darkness in a probably pointless wave, and I fumbled my way out the door.

There was a lamp still going in the entry hall, and I managed to make it down the stairs without tripping over my feet. I slipped into the guest room, sure that I was going to spend the rest of the night awake and thinking useless, embarrassing thoughts about Sylvando.

But as I pulled down the covers for my own guest bed, I heard Ana’s voice behind me. “Erik?”

“Yes, sweetheart?” The endearment slipped out without my conscious thought, and I wondered if this was an instant side effect of my sudden obsession.

“You came back.”

“Of course I did.”

“Can I sleep in your bed?”

“All right, if you want to.”

She curled up against my side, her head on my shoulder, and I smiled, feeling a much calmer sort of affection nudge aside the whirl of newly released feelings. I listened to her breathing, and I drifted off to sleep after all, grateful for the peace of the moment, and thinking that whatever did or didn’t happen in the future with Sylv, at least I had these kids in my life.


	11. Chapter 11

I woke up with a feeling like something wonderful had happened the day before, but I couldn’t remember what it was.

Then I registered the softness of the bed beneath me, and the hushed murmurs among the kids from an unusual distance, and I opened my eyes, and I remembered. We were in Sylv’s house, and I was inconveniently in love.

I couldn’t decide whether to smile or grimace over that. I pulled the blanket up over my nose so I could make a weird face underneath it. 

“Erik?” All the kids were clustered around the windows to the room, but Flint turned around took a few steps towards me. “Do you think they’re gonna give us more food here? Or should we go out and look for some?”

“Oh.” I stretched and sat up. “I’m pretty sure Sylv will make sure we’re fed, knowing him. You guys hungry?”

I got an unusually quiet chorus of affirmative responses. I put on my best reassuring smile and rounded up the group to leave the room.

I found Sylv sitting with Servantes in the entry hall, talking in low voices. They looked up as the door opened, and Sylv stood up. “Good morning, darlings!”

“Morning, Sylv,” I answered, but then I couldn’t figure out what else to say. I wanted to sing his praises to his face. I needed to ask for more help for the kids, and I couldn’t figure out the right words for that. Maybe the kids weren’t the only ones feeling shy this morning. “Who’s turn is it to make breakfast?” I finally managed, clumsily trying to reference the old question somebody always asked in the mornings, back when we were traveling together.

Maybe he missed the reference, because he just said, “We should have something on the table in a few minutes, here. Did you sleep well? Anything you figured out you’ll need or want for tonight?”

I wasted a couple seconds thinking about what I had, in fact, figured out that I wanted, and how it still wasn’t the right time to say it. My eyes strayed a little downwards and caught on Sylv’s shirt. 

I forgot his question and asked, “What are you wearing?”

“Oh, it’s my duckling shirt!” It was blue and covered with simplistic little yellow duck shapes. “I made it myself. Do you like it?”

It was ridiculous. It was wonderful. It was tacky and I knew he was wearing it for my gang of kids and I loved it. I struggled for a moment to wrangle my reaction back from a declaration of love into something a normal friend would say. “Yeah, it’s great, Sylv.” I couldn’t help the smile.

It didn’t appear to have the same effect on the kids, though. The whole group stayed quiet as they followed us into the dining room, and they only talked to each other in whispers as Sylv and I portioned out the egg and potato dish onto everyone’s plates.

“What else do you all like to eat?” Sylv tried, bright and friendly, but none of them answered him.

“We’ve had a lot of porridge lately,” I filled in for them. “Eggs are always a favorite when we can get to the market.” I rambled a little more about foods, stopping to ask direct questions once in a while. “You really like figs, don’t you, Paz?” But I, too, only got shy nods of agreement.

I finally registered the angle of the sun through the window, and I realized I’d slept in later than I’d thought. No wonder the kids were hungry. “I’m going to have to go in to the casino pretty soon,” I said, without thinking through the implications. Then I hesitated, and I looked uncertainly at Sylv.

He glanced at the kids. “I’ll be here all day. Everyone’s welcome to stay in the house. We’ll have sandwiches for lunch.”

I let out a soft sigh of relief. “Thanks, Sylv,” I said, meaning it for him taking the lead in sorting out the day in addition to my gratitude for the offer itself.

“Of course, darling.”

“I guess I’d better get moving before I’m late.” I stood up, and everyone in the room followed me back into the entry hall, while I struggled to figure out what it was I should be remembering to say or do before I left the kids together with Sylv.

Isabella sidled up to me and tugged on my sleeve. “Do we have to stay here today?” she asked in a quiet voice.

I blinked. “No, it’s fine if you want to go out. Right? Will someone be here to answer the door?” I looked up at Sylv.

“Yes, definitely. I’ll be here all day,” he repeated.

“Great. Yeah, so you guys can just knock when you’re ready to come back in. I’ll be back here as soon as I’m done at the casino.”

The kids followed me right out the door, so I held it open for them as they swarmed out into the misting morning rain. I ran a hand through my hair, hoping they’d have enough sense to not get themselves soaked.

“Don’t stay in the rain too long, okay?” I called after them. I got a couple of waves from Serafito and Flint. 

I knew I was on the verge of running late, so I let them go. I turned back to find Sylv watching with a faintly anxious expression, and I smiled.

“Thanks again, Sylv. I…” Once again, the precise level of gratitude and affection I was feeling was inappropriate, given the situation, so I ratcheted it back to, “Thanks. I’ll see you later.”

“All right, darling. Have a wonderful day.”

“You, too.”

  


* * *

  


The hours at the casino seemed to go by too slowly and too quickly at the same time. I kept getting lost in thought between customers, and I spent a lot of time staring aimlessly at the slot machines across the way with a besotted smile.

What if he felt the same way?

What if he didn’t?

But what if he did?

I half wanted him to come to the casino so I could show off again. The idea was probably the only thing that kept me from making more mistakes that day, because if he was ever going to come and watch me deal, I definitely didn’t want to mess it up in front of him, and that thought was enough to make me pay enough attention to what I was doing to get it right.

  


* * *

  


I hurried back to Sylv’s house at the fastest walk I could manage, just shy of breaking into a run, or possibly flight. I knocked on the door.

Sylv opened it, wearing an unexpectedly chagrined expression, and for an instant I was worried. “I’m afraid they haven’t come back all day. Should we go look for them?”

“Huh.” Not so worrying after all, knowing the kids. “Kinda surprised they didn’t come back for lunch, but I guess they were acting pretty shy this morning.”

“Do they know how to find the house?” Sylv was leaning forward and looking over my shoulder as if he thought to rush outside and begin organizing a search party.

I smiled at his concern. “I’m positive they know how to find the house. Either they’re having fun somewhere, or they’re watching us right now and they’ll show up in a couple of minutes now that I’m back.”

I turned around to scan the surroundings, and sure enough, I spotted a familiar face peering out from the nearby garden area. I raised my hand in greeting, then turned it into a beckoning motion.

Mica disappeared for a moment behind the garden wall. Then the entire group of kids filed out of the space together and dashed through the light drizzle up to meet me. They hesitated in front of the door.

“Well? Shall we go in?” I asked, sweeping an arm towards the door. No one seemed to be willing to be the first one in, so I turned and led the way, flashing an amused smile at Sylv as I went.

That did the trick, and the kids gathered behind me in the entry hall. They must have found an overhang to shelter from the rain, or else it hadn’t rained much all day, because they weren’t soaked, just very slightly damp.

“You could have come back for lunch, you know,” I told them. “Sylv said you could, and he doesn’t back down when he offers something like that.”

I got more shy silence from the kids.

“Well, we can have dinner pretty soon, if you like,” Sylv offered.

“That sounds great, Sylv,” I said.

The kids sat around the dining table, still quiet and subdued. They ate readily enough, and they all used their silverware tonight, but half of them kept glancing over at Sylv, and the other half avoided looking at him entirely.

For his part, Sylv kept making little attempts to engage them in conversation, but everything he tried fell flat. He finally fell quiet for a moment, looking faintly anxious.

So for once, I was the one to try to fill in the conversational gap. “Hey, did I ever tell you guys about the time I got caught by a bad guy and Sylv here helped rescue me? It was right after I first met him.” I told them about the incident in Gondolia, gesturing with my hands and grinning as I described Sylv diving into the sea to go fetch his ship, and his dramatic entrance afterwards.

The kids were still quiet, but they were all watching me, or glancing over at Sylv, and listening with wide eyes. So I told them more stories.

Sylv’s efforts to find the mystery girl’s parents in Phnom Nonh, his kindness and determination to figure it out, and his stern reproval when he figured out the monster behind it was using the image of a child in need, in order to do evil.

Sylv’s frequent role as the caretaker in our group, making sure we stopped to rest and relax when we needed it. Sylv’s efforts around the campfire to entertain us and cheer everyone up when we were tired or melancholy.

Sylv standing in front of me with his shield when I was hurt, throwing insults at a monster so it would leave me alone. Sylv’s calm voice in the midst of everything going wrong, coordinating us into a more organized team, or reassuring us from a distance that help was on the way.

I watched Sylv as much as I watched the kids, and he watched me with eyes as wide as theirs. He splayed his fingers across his cheeks when I paused, and he said, “Erik, honey, I didn’t know you remembered all of that.”

I snorted. “You’re a little hard to forget, Sylv.” But his comment suddenly reminded me of the day of the first party he’d invited me to, and the way he’d talked me up to everyone there and surprised me with how much he remembered about me. I guessed now he knew how it felt.

The kids never quite got past the point of interested listening, but I noticed some of them were starting to fidget, so I said, “You guys want to go back to the room?” I got some nods, so I herded them back into the guest room.

I smiled at Sylv over my shoulder from the doorway as he trailed after us. “I’ll come up in a little bit, if that’s okay?”

I got a nod and a smile from him. “Of course, darling.”

So I closed the door behind me and turned back to the kids.

“How are you guys doing? How was your day? How come you guys didn’t come back for lunch?”

The group traded looks with each other. Then Flint spoke up. “Last time me and Crystal went in a house this big, they gave us sweets, and then they took us to the orphanage and tried to make us live there. But there was too many rules, and they kept being mean about it when we couldn’t figure out what they really wanted. And then we found out strangers can just come and pick out whatever kid they like and take them away, if they go meet with the headmistress first.”

“And we couldn’t go out and see Mica and Cammo, neither,” Crystal added. “We had to plan out a whole escape.”

“Oh,” I said, a little startled by the story. I scratched my head while I thought it over. “Okay, well, I’m sure that Sylv isn’t going to trick you into going anywhere like that. He said he’s going to help us, and I know him. He doesn’t go back on his word. You can trust him. I trust him.”

The group seemed to relax a little bit, so I let them disperse and amuse themselves for a little while. I found a basket of nightclothes near the door, and I used the task of distributing them as an excuse to talk to each of the kids individually for a moment. By the time I finished, I’d gathered the impression that everyone was feeling a little more optimistic about Sylv, and the energy in the room had recovered to a more normal level.

I watched them explore the room, and then they started to play in small groups, dashing around the room and ducking underneath the beds and giggling, and I felt at peace.

  


* * *

  


A while later, I knocked on Sylv’s door.

“Erik. Come in,” he said, giving me a smile that made me forget the world. Then he gestured toward the sofa, and I recovered enough presence of mind to walk in and sit down.

This was probably a mistake, I thought, as I watched him step over to join me. He really moved like a dancer all the time, graceful and precise. It wasn’t fair that he could make something as simple as walking three steps and folding himself down into a sitting position look so appealing as that.

Then again, this wasn’t the first time I’d been so stupidly smitten with someone, so I knew it was pretty good odds that he could roll around in a puddle of mud and I’d manage to think it was charming right now.

Point in case, he was wearing a ridiculous shirt covered in ridiculous ducks, and I still thought it was the best thing I’d ever seen him wear. “I do like your shirt,” I said, in an outburst of excessive honesty.

“Do you? I don’t think it worked as well as I’d hoped.”

“I asked Paz and Ana if they liked it, and they said yes.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s been quite a while since I’ve had to work so hard to win over my audience. Am I doing anything wrong?”

“You’re doing fine, Sylv,” I said, smiling. “The deck’s just stacked against you. They don’t really trust adults in general, and I found out…”

I trailed off, because for an instant, I was a little afraid. Not that I thought Sylv would try to trick them away from me. But I was afraid he would argue that turning them over to someone else's care was a good idea, and I didn’t want to have that conversation, not while I’d thrown myself on his mercy and was still relying on him.

But I did trust him. I was sure he would offer advice well before he ever tried to forcibly take them from me, and if I failed to listen to anything that was really critical to their well-being, I didn’t deserve to be the person they all relied upon. So I finished, “They were afraid you might try to trick them into going to an orphanage. Some of them have run away from one before.”

“Oh, dear. I should hope I won’t ever put a child in a position where they feel like their best choice is to run away.” He shook his head, forehead creased with sympathy. “Anyway, this is your show, darling. I’m just happy you’ve let me on the stage.”

That was reassuring for a moment, but then it reminded me of why else I’d needed to talk to him. I ran a hand through my hair. “About that. I, uh. I don’t want to assume anything, but...Goddess, I hate asking for favors.”

He smiled again, and he reached over to press his fingers against my wrist where I’d placed it along the back of the sofa. “Darling, please, don’t worry. Believe me when I say I want to help.” My eyes followed the motion of his hand as he pulled back, but I didn’t dare move in response. “Really, you’re doing me a favor if you ask for anything in particular, because it means I’ll know how to help instead of just guessing.”

I took a long breath. “Okay. Can I tell them to look for three meals a day?” 

“Of course. That fits just fine with the household routine, anyway.”

“And they can have some space in the house, and they can leave and come back on their own?”

“Absolutely. I’ll need to visit the theater some days, but there should always be someone at the house to let them in. And really, just the kitchen, the armory, and my papi’s room should be off limits without having an adult along. Nowhere else has anything particularly dangerous, I don’t think. I can show everyone which doors to avoid, tomorrow.”

“Okay. Thanks. And, um.” I ran a hand through my hair and took a moment to work my way up to the next question. “I guess, for their sake, I ought to ask for more than a couple days. Otherwise I’ll probably be back begging for something else within a week, the way things have been going.”

“You’re very welcome to stay longer. The entire household was talking at lunch about how nice it was to have guests. We’re used to a bigger crowd, with the squires and all, and we’re all excited about having more company.”

“Okay. Thanks, Sylv.”

  


* * *

  


The next day went a little more smoothly. I encouraged the kids to ask questions over breakfast, and a few of them spoke directly to Sylv, to his visible delight. I left them watching him juggle the contents of a fruit bowl, and I came back after work to find the kids playing tag in the entry hall, with Sylv sitting along the side of the room, reading a book. Maybe reading a book. He still appeared to be on the first page.

By dinnertime, the kids had relaxed enough to talk to each other without paying too much attention to the adults in the room. In fact, everyone in the room seemed to be in high spirits, and the part of me that was still worried about imposing this way finally started to calm down.

I stopped by Sylv’s room again that night. Once again, he hadn’t actually asked me to visit him, but I guess I liked playing with fire.

He didn’t say anything when he opened the door, just gave me a huge smile and stepped back to let me in. I drifted over to the sofa without being prompted, and he joined me there.

He was the first to speak. “I have to say, I’m more delighted by the hour to witness your big secret firsthand.”

“Hm. I’ve gotta say, it’s a huge relief that you finally know.”

“I suppose I should ask if this is your only big secret.”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“It took me completely by surprise. Not what I was expecting at all.”

“Oh? What did you think it was, anyway?”

“Well, you stopped letting me near your apartment, and there was at least one other person involved. My top guess was a secret lover.”

“What?” I exclaimed, laughing.

“Some child of a noble house, promised to another, but having fallen into a forbidden romance.” He clasped his hands over his chest and put on an exaggeratedly sappy expression. “‘Please, Erik, though I love you, you must not tell anyone about us!’”

Even in his overdramatic playacting tone, the sound of my name on his lips followed by the words “I love you” smacked me somewhere in the vicinity of my heart. Shut up, I thought at the feeling.

I rubbed a hand over my eyes, hoping I’d look exasperated rather than lovesick. “Did you have a second guess?”

“Ah, well, I hoped it wasn’t the second guess, because the second guess was crimes, and it was probably going to be a good idea for you to keep that from me forever. Not that I can picture you doing anything especially awful,” he hurried to add, and I realized that I must be letting my dismay show on my face at the notion that he thought I might break the law and disappoint him. “But it sounded possible if, say, an old friend begged you for help, in desperation. ‘Please, Erik, one last time, and then never again, I swear!’”

“Hm.”

“And you know, honey, I’m not one to dwell on the distant past, but I’ll admit, trying to live with the Knight’s Pledge in mind, which is hard not to do after growing up in this house, it would put me in a bit of a pickle if I knew a friend was actively involved in unlawful activities.”

“Well, I’ll have you know, I’ve been squeaky clean since I came to town.” Part of me wanted to be a little indignant at the implication that he’d doubted me, but it was true enough that I’d considered theft when I was pushed hard enough. But right now, I thought that I’d rather disappoint Sylv by asking for too much from him, rather than doing so by performing crimes that he couldn’t abide. “I haven’t so much as kept a token from the casino without paying for it from my own pocket.”

“I shouldn’t have doubted you,” he said, resting his elbow on the back of the sofa and his cheek against his curled fingers. He smiled at me, and Goddess, he was gorgeous. I remembered being objectively aware that he was good-looking, before I fell asleep in his arms, but now I just wanted to sit there and stare at him and wallow in an appreciation of his beauty.

  


* * *

  


I had my regularly scheduled two days off in a row, then, and Sylv said he had nothing calling for his attention, either. I looked at the prospect of spending two days together with Sylv and the kids, and I idly thought about trying to find a thief’s mask, one that covered the face. I’d never loved them for my old profession, because they screamed “suspicious character” the way a simple hood didn’t, but I was so delighted by the idea of Sylv and the kids in the same room, and the fact that I didn’t have to hold myself apart from either party, that I was afraid I’d spend the whole time grinning like a fool.

I did end up smiling enough to make my face hurt, but at least I didn’t overdo it to the point that anyone accused me of my true feelings. The kids were finally relaxed enough to talk in front of Sylv, and to him, and they were willing to laugh and play and run around the entry hall.

Mica ran up and slapped my arm. “Tag, Erik’s it!”

“Oh, I am, am I?” I said, my smile breaking open into a grin. Between not having their permission to interact with the group in public before, and the small size of our old living quarters, I hadn’t really gotten to horse around with them in these kinds of games before. In fact, I’d never really played with other kids this way at all, but after I was too old for it, I’d watched from a distance enough times to get the gist. So I joined in gladly, chasing them so they laughed and scattered, and I danced away after I tagged Serafito.

I saw Sylv leaning against the wall and watching the group with a wistful sort of smile when I paused to watch from a distance. I spotted Flint fleeing headlong in Sylv’s direction, not watching where he was going, and he crashed right into Sylv at the same time that Crystal tagged him. Sylv just reached out to gently help steady him when he bounced off. They traded a couple words that I couldn’t hear, but I saw Sylvando’s wink, and Flint’s transition from wariness to dismissal as he turned back to the room and took up his role as pursuer.

I chewed over the idea of trying to include Sylv, too, and after the second time I got tagged, I chased down Paz. I picked him up and spun him around to make him laugh, and when I put him down, I murmured in his ear, “What do you think, should we tag Sylv next?”

“Yeah,” he said.

“Go get him.”

Paz made a beeline for Sylv, slowed down as he approached, and then softly patted Sylv on the arm. I couldn’t hear him speak from across the room, and he looked back at me, while Sylv lit up.

“You’ve got to say it louder than that, so everyone knows, right?” I called over to him.

Paz laughed and patted his arm again, and shouted, “Tag! You’re it!”

“Well, then! Ready or not, here I come!” Sylv announced, beaming.

I grinned and called, “That’s the wrong game, Sylv. You’re just supposed to start chasing people.”

“A knight announces their intentions before engaging their challengers,” he said, then dramatically flourished an arm before he lifted both hands to hold them up like claws, and he started walking towards a cluster of the kids, taking slow, high steps. He walked like a villain from one of the picture books I read to the kids, and it might have looked menacing if he was keeping a straight face.

It got more laughter than shrieking out of the kids, so I judged it was going over well. Ana scrambled behind me where I stood on the far side of the room. “Is he scary?” I asked her.

“Not really.” As if to prove it, she stopped hanging on to my tunic and went up the stairs by herself.

I looked back up in time to see Sylv get a little bit too close to Paz, and maybe the mock threat was too much, because Paz suddenly pulled a nervous face and exclaimed, “Wait! Don’t tag me!”

“No? Okay,” Sylv said. He immediately came to a halt and fell out of his villain posture, folding his hands behind his back and leaning back on his heels. “Who do you think I should try to tag instead?”

Sylv gave me a sideways glance as he said this. Paz followed his gaze and loudly declared, “Erik!”

I wasn’t surprised by this development, exactly. But it turned out that I wasn’t prepared for Sylvando to turn and look at me with narrowed eyes and a slow smile, or for him to begin stalking towards me with more serious purpose in his movement, and I wasted a couple of seconds predicting his trajectory, wondering what would happen if I didn’t move, picturing him catching up to me and maybe he’d step into my space, pin me against the wall—

“Run, Erik!” somebody shouted, and I shook myself out of my daze and recalled the point of the game. I aimlessly picked a direction and scrambled into motion. But with my sloppy start, it was only a matter of seconds before Sylv backed me into a corner anyway. 

“There is no escape for you, Erik! Do you yield?” he said loudly, one hand on his hip, and the other extended palm up, like he expected me to tag myself by taking his hand. He stood with his feet wide apart, and it struck me as another slightly unnatural pose. Between his posture and the way he was speaking, it was like he was on stage.

Then I thought maybe he was, in fact, inviting me to put on a show with him. I glanced at his feet for a split second to judge the distance, then back up to his face in time to see his smile widen just a little.

“I guess I have no choice,” I said, shifting my weight a little in preparation. Then I started the motion and exclaimed, “Or maybe I do!” 

I ducked and dove through his legs. I slid along the floor and pushed myself up into a sprint before I came to a stop. I heard a chorus of delighted shouts as I dashed away.

I headed for the staircase, hearing Sylv’s footsteps echoing close behind me. When I was halfway up, I kicked off the wall to launch myself over the side railing. I somersaulted at the landing, and I kept enough forward momentum to rush across the room, where I jumped and grabbed at the railing for the opposite stairway. I caught the top of the rail, and I swung myself up and over. I got a glimpse of Sylv as I did, close behind me, smirking, and crouching to prepare for a leap of his own, and I grinned as I used my grip on the railing to help propel myself upstairs to the balcony. There weren’t many people who would be able to follow me through these kinds of maneuvers, and I found I was delighted to have an excuse to push myself this way.

I glanced over my shoulder for an instant at the top to spot him close on my tail, and I decided to try something tricky. I vaulted over the railing of the balcony, sure that he would follow suit. And sure enough, I saw his feet leave the floor as I began to fall downwards. But instead of letting myself drop down to the floor below, I caught hold of the bars in the railing from the other side while he soared past, and I lifted myself back upwards out of his reach while he landed underneath me.

That was the idea, anyway. But while I thought I’d accounted for how high he could reach, I’d misjudged how much he could extend that reach by jumping. I felt a thump against my foot and heard him call up, “And tag!”

I laughed. “Really thought I was gonna shake you for a minute, there.” I lowered myself down as far as I could, and I let go of the railing, ready to make a careful landing.

Sylv caught me out of the air, his hands pressing firmly into my waist from behind me as he slowed my fall and set me down gently on my feet. I stood startled and still where he put me. It seemed like maybe he took a couple heartbeats longer than strictly necessary before he completely let go of me. I supposed he wanted to make sure I had my balance, because he asked, “All right?”

“Yep, I’m fine.” I turned around to glance at him, and I backed up a tiny step in the process in order to counter my urge to step closer. Any closer and I’d really lose plausible deniability about why I was that close. “You know I dropped down on purpose, right? You didn’t have to catch me.”

“Ah, it’s not that I thought you were really in trouble, but, well, there I was.” He shrugged like it was nothing.

I couldn’t figure out what to say to that, but now I was second-guessing whether I looked uncomfortable about it, between the step back, and my challenge over the necessity of the maneuver, and whatever I was doing with my eyes. Had I looked at him for too long? Not long enough? Was I being too awkward and standoffish?

I clapped him on the arm, trying to make up for my silence and for any implication that I found his touch distasteful. Then I couldn’t figure out whether I’d left my hand there for a reasonable amount of time, because the only thing I could focus on was that contact, and I thought I might be experiencing time differently than normal right now. I looked away from him again when I yanked my hand away, and I was vaguely relieved to spot several pairs of eyes watching us, because it made me realize I actually urgently did need to pay attention to something besides Sylv and my absurd impulse to ask him to stay there while I jumped off the balcony again.

“Okay, listen up,” I called to the kids, stepping around Sylv. He turned with me, so we ended up standing side by side. “Don’t try to do what we just did, okay? We’ve both had a lot of practice to work our way up to those kinds of moves.”

“That’s a very, very good point,” Sylv agreed. “You’d want years of training, first. Best to work with a good teacher and proper equipment for a while before you start thinking about doing anything dramatic. Otherwise it’s too easy to have a little whoopsie, and we don’t want anybody getting hurt.”

I nodded agreement, as if I’d ever had a good teacher and proper equipment, besides gravity. I supposed there was one Viking who gave me a couple pointers on climbing technique the first time he sent me to fumble my way up a ship’s rigging and fetch the man in the crow’s nest. But I liked the idea of these kids learning properly, through less dangerous means. I really liked the idea of these kids learning from Sylv.

  


* * *

  


As the days passed and I had plenty of time to obsess over Sylv’s interactions with all of us, I grew to appreciate his respectful approach to my relationship with the kids. He never told me I was doing anything wrong, which was a comfort, because I was sure he would step in if I was failing in some horrible, obvious way.

But even so, he still managed to nudge me out of my established patterns, intentionally or not.

The night I noticed this the most was the night the kitchen got, in my opinion, overly creative with the dinner menu.

I stared at the thing I fished out of my stew. “What is this?”

“Calamari.” At my blank look, Sylvando added, “Squid. It’s a local specialty.”

“Uh…” I bit back the urge to ask him to take it away from me, because I knew I shouldn’t be a bad example. I knew these kids all knew hunger and they were more than willing to eat anything if only they knew it was safe to eat, if someone they trusted would show the way. And obviously some people liked to eat it, or the stuff wouldn’t be on Sylv’s table. I tried to muster some enthusiasm. “Neat.”

But Goddess, it looked disgusting.

Maybe I could swallow it whole.

“Erik, honey, are you all right?” Sylv asked.

“Hm? Yeah.” I took a deep breath and put the wiggly thing into my mouth. It was too big to swallow. Desperately, I held my breath and chewed. And chewed, and chewed. It was far slower going than I’d hoped for, and I started wondering how long I could actually go without breathing.

I accidentally made eye contact with Sylv, and I realized that he realized what I was doing, because his face shifted to convey apology and amusement mixed together. He refilled my glass, and I gratefully grabbed it to wash down the thing that was in my mouth. I sucked in air in too much of a hurry at the end, and I spluttered and coughed on a little water that went down the wrong way.

I waved away Sylv’s concern and managed a quick smile for the rest of the room. “Water just went down the wrong pipe,” I wheezed. “Eat up!”

Sylv quietly moved some bread into my reach, and I managed to clear my plate by taking smaller bites of the squid and following them up with bread. It was the worst meal I’d ever eaten with actual silverware, but I survived.

When I went to visit with Sylv that night, he apologized.

“Sorry to inflict such a terrible ordeal on you at dinner,” he teased, smiling.

“Eh. It’s all right. Guess it’s good for them to be trying new things.”

“Not good for you, honey?”

I shrugged, and on a rare impulse, I decided to actually explain myself. “Didn’t get much variety when I was a kid. Later on, I mostly only tried weird stuff when it was scraps somebody was trying to get rid of and I was desperate, and it was kinda hard to tell what was actually still good to eat and what was gonna make me sick. I know you’re not about to poison me, but some things just don't register as anything I should put in my mouth.”

“Oh, no,” Sylv said, his face crinkling into a distressed apology. “All the times we’ve teased you over your picky eating. I’m sorry, Erik.”

“Nah, it’s fine. It is kind of funny, I guess,” I said, thinking back to Veronica and Brick and Jade and Sylv teasing me for sticking to cold rations some nights at the campfire. “I think I like people insulting me about it better than pity, anyway.”

“Oh, darling. Still. I’ll try and make sure you don’t get stuck that way again. It’s okay if you don’t eat something we offer, you know.”

“Thanks. I think I’d like to try and work on it, though. I can live with it, but it’s not exactly convenient, so I really don’t want any of the kids to pick up my problem.”

“Oh,” Sylv said, and I couldn’t quite figure out his tone, or the expression on his face. There was a little smile, but it struck me as softer than usual, somehow. I thought it was some kind of approval, and I felt a little whirl of pride and embarrassment and hope. Then he added, “Your children are lucky to have such a good papi.”

For a second, I thought he’d misunderstood something about my relationship to them, because I was just a guy trying to look out for them. “I’m not exactly their…”

Then I stopped, blindsided.

I wanted them to stay with me. I wanted to keep them warm and fed, and I wanted to watch them grow up and be happy, and I didn’t want anyone to take that away from me, and there really wasn’t anyone else who had stepped up to parent them. I was the best they had, and if it turned out that wasn’t good enough, I wanted to get better somehow.

“Is there, uh. How does.” I cleared my throat. “How does adoption work in Puerto Valor? I mean, are there laws about it?”

Sylv got a ridiculously soft look on his face, pressing his fingertips over his smile for a moment, and I imagined him mentally spinning my story into a script for some future play, intending to melt the hearts of thousands and improve the lot of orphans everywhere. I didn’t even mind the thought. Maybe it could help somebody.

“Yes, there are laws. If you don’t have blood ties or prior paperwork, the gist of it is that you would bring the child in question to the courthouse and make your case for why you should be legally recognized as their parent. If you can’t prove the absence or unsuitability of any existing parent, there is a clause for a public announcement of intent to be made, and then a one-year period of guardianship in case the true parent shows back up. The child gets an interview every so often to try to make sure they aren’t being mistreated, and if everything goes well, at the end of the year, the law recognizes the guardian as the official parent.”

I stared at Sylv, slightly astonished by the sudden deluge of scholarly detail from him. The extremely useful detail that I’d badly needed to know. “How do I, uh, how would someone.” I tugged at my hair and gave up on the thin pretense that I was asking some purely hypothetical question. “What do I need to do to argue my case?”

“Mostly that you have the means to provide for the child, and a statement of intent that you’ll make sure their needs are met.”

“So, money.”

“Yes. Enough salary or savings for food and shelter, and a bit extra.”

I asked him a few more questions, and he answered all of them. I learned three different ways I could make a strong case for myself, and I learned about funds set aside for families in financial hardship, and I learned about the guaranteed basic schooling for citizen families, so anyone could have their children learn reading and writing and arithmetic.

A sudden bit of curiosity struck me, and I asked, “Why do you know all of this about the laws, Sylv? Are you one of the judges or something?”

That got an unexpected pause out of him, the kind where he was debating over how much to say to me. I realized it had been ages since he’d bothered with that kind of deliberation, and I wondered what he was thinking about now.

“It just seemed like something I ought to know about,” he finally said. “My papi being who he is, you know, I do get some questions about the law trickling down to me.

  


* * *

  


Time flew by while I was staying in Sylv’s house, and I loved every day of it. Each time I came home from work, there was something new to look forward to.

I suspected Sylv had cut his schedule back a little at the theater, because I kept finding him in the middle of some activity with the kids when I got off work. Teaching them to juggle. Playing music for them. Playing hide-and-seek and pretending that hiding behind a coat rack would keep a tall, broad-shouldered man hidden while he was wearing a bright yellow shirt.

One day, I came back and found them gathered around the dining table, piecing together a jigsaw puzzle. “What’s all that on the floor?” I asked, and they looked under the table and shouted excitement, and Sylv laughed while he explained to me that I’d found the missing pieces blocking them from completing the picture.

Another day, I offered to help in the kitchen, feeling self-conscious about not contributing anything to the household. Sylv tried to argue that we were still guests, but I guess my unease got through to him, and he made a compromise offer. “Maybe we can put on a little cooking demonstration for the little ones?” I didn’t realize he intended more entertainment than tutorial until I felt his Accelerate magic take hold of me, and then I grinned and set about chopping vegetables at superhuman speed.

Another day, they were all up in Sylv’s room, raiding his wardrobe and trying on oversized clothing and accessories. Isabella presented me with one of Sylv’s shirts, something purple with a probably illegal quantity of lace, and she said, “We picked out this one for you!” I obediently went behind the dressing screen, less obediently took an extra moment to breathe in the trace scent of flowers on the shirt while no one was watching, and I put it on. I stepped out to rejoin the group, and then I spent the rest of the night second-guessing whether Sylv’s eyes had lingered on me for any reason other than a friendly fashion assessment.

Another day, I found them in the manor’s library, and it hit me that Sylv had really managed to get through the kids’ shell, because he sat on the floor with the kids clustered around him, and Paz and Ana were sitting next to him, leaning against his arms to look at the book he was reading to everyone. For an instant, I felt a startling jealousy that somebody else had earned so much of their trust. Then Sylv looked up at me, and he smiled a smile like he’d never been happier, and my mood switched instantly. I liked the scene better than I’d ever liked anything in my life, and I wanted to come home to this every day.

  


* * *

  


We’d been with Sylv for over two weeks when I looked at another full day off from the casino, and I thought about spending it with Sylv and the kids together. We would spend the day laughing, teaching, showing off, solving any little daily problems. We’d put the kids to bed and catch a few minutes alone together. Maybe someday it would be more than a few minutes. It sounded good. It sounded really good.

And then I decided something needed to change. I could pretend and pretend that I was only here as a friend, that my feelings didn’t matter. But I thought I might be losing the battle to ignore the feelings and not act on them. I thought that if Sylv ever had Paz or Ana in his lap while he threw a smile directly at me, or worse, a wink, I might blurt out a confession of love right there in front of everyone. If random chance brought his face too close to mine, I might try to kiss him.

So I called him aside after breakfast. “Mind if we talk for a bit?’

He gave me a curious look, but he nodded, and I followed him up and into his room. I shut the door behind me and hovered in the middle of the room.

“What’s on your mind, darling?”

“Well. We’ve been here for a while. It’s been, well, it’s been really good. For everyone.”

“I’m glad you think so,” he said, smiling.

I gave him a quick smile in return, then looked out the window. “But I think it’s time I should go looking for another apartment. Maybe that same one, or maybe we can find a little house outside of town, something better than the…”

I snuck a quick glance at Sylv’s face, and I lost my train of thought, because he’d lost the smile. He looked outright sad, in fact. Then he saw me looking at him, and he smiled again, though it still fell short of the usual brilliance. “All right, darling. If that’s what you want to do.”

My mind kicked into gear to try and figure out what that sad expression meant. I’d thought to just move back out and worry about any bigger conversations later, but I didn’t like to leave him unhappy.

I wondered if it meant that he really did like us living in his house. I wondered if maybe—

Maybe he was just worried he’d been a bad host. He did like to throw a good party.

“Sylv?”

“Yes?”

“I really do appreciate everything you’ve done. I, uh, I’m really glad I can finally talk about the kids with you, and that you’ve gotten to spend some time with them. I think they’d like it if they can keep seeing you, too.”

The smile grew a little wider, but I thought his eyes still looked a little sad while he said, “I’d like that too.”

“I kind of hate to tell them that we’re moving out, honestly. Pretty sure they’ll be okay with it, none of us are used to living such a life of luxury, but I know they’ve had a great time being here.”

“You could stay.”

The suggestion landed like a feather, soft and gentle and startling, and more appealing than than I had any right to let it be. I took a long, uneven breath, and I dragged both hands through my hair, and I looked at his face, serious and melancholy. I hated that I’d put him into a poor mood. I wanted to put him in a good mood and keep him that way. At least I shouldn’t leave him thinking he’d fallen short in any way.

And maybe—

Well, even if not, what good was my pride, anyway? Even if he wasn’t interested, maybe it would be better to know that now, so I could start getting over my nonsense. Maybe he deserved to hear about it either way. At least I wouldn’t leave him thinking he’d fallen short in any way.

“Sylv. The problem is, I have a problem.” Smooth. I shut my eyes and crossed my arms and tried again. “I have a pattern. I have a really, really stupid habit of, uh. Falling.” The word fell from my mouth like a boy jumping off a cliff. I braced myself and shoved the next words after the first. “In love. With my best friend.”

In the silence that followed, I couldn’t manage to open my eyes, or even breathe, for a moment. Then the urge to run hit me full force, because he wasn’t saying anything, and what had I expected, why would he want anything to do with the awkward, bumbling mess that was me trying to look like I ever knew what I was doing, I should back off and give him some space. I turned my head, dug a hand into my hair, opened my mouth to babble. “Anyway, that’s why I don’t think I ought to stick around here right now. Plus, we’ll free up your barracks, and, uh.” I turned and drifted toward the door while I scrambled to think of other plausible reasons for him to be excited about our absence.

“Erik! Wait.” Footsteps, and there was the door in front of me, but Sylv was there at my side, edging into my field of view. “Am I your best friend?”

I swallowed. “Yeah, I guess you pretty well are.”

His fingertips landed gently on my shoulder like lightning, and I sucked in a deep breath before I turned to look at him. He pulled his hand away once I did, but this time I believed the smile, and even if he only meant to laugh at me, at least it was better than seeing him sad. And maybe—

“You know, when you came to town, I said to myself, go carefully there, Sylv. Sure, he’s a pretty picture, and you’re already fond of him, and he already knows more about you than you let most people see, but he’s likely to fly away like a bird if you say the wrong thing. And who knows when he’ll be ready to settle down and build a family, if he ever is.” He looked down for a moment, still smiling, and added, “You know, the real reason I knew about the adoption laws is because I had done the research when I signed myself up for the waiting list as a potential parent.”

“Oh,” I managed, though it came out kind of strangled. He hadn’t outright reciprocated, but he hadn’t turned me down, and he was talking about kids, and I had kids, or close enough, I was going to figure out the paperwork soon, so maybe—

“And then you kept on voluntarily seeking out my company, and I was having so much fun with you, and you decided to make your peace with the other people I love, and I started thinking about whether I might be willing to compromise. If you were interested. If you weren’t attached to the wrong kinds of secrets.”

He leaned back and sat on the arm of the sofa. It struck me as an awfully casual posture for somebody in the middle of the most suspenseful discussion I’d had in my life. But it brought his eyes level with mine, I noticed distantly.

“And then one day you show up in my home, with an entire swarm of adorable children, shining your love all over each other. And all of a sudden, you look like absolutely everything I want.”

He reached out to me, then, and he took hold of my hand, and I could have sworn the colors in the room turned brighter. His touch felt like coming to a warm campfire after a day of walking through bitter cold.

“I didn’t want to be the one to say anything while you were still relying on my help, because I didn’t want you to think that’s dependent on this. I’ll still help you, no matter what. But, Erik, if you think you might like to fall in love with your best friend, you should know that I’m already at the bottom, waiting to catch you.”

I stared at him, holding my breath again, because I’d wanted this too much, and it seemed too easy. After all this time, all the maybes were finally, finally turning into yes. I felt a slow smile building across my face as it sunk in, keeping pace with the joyful feeling expanding inside of me. I felt as happy as I’d ever been, and then the feeling kept growing.

I suddenly noticed that his half-seated position meant that his mouth was level with mine, too.

“I...actually already did the falling part, too,” I admitted. “But if you’re waiting around to catch me, I’d be happy to jump off the balcony again.”

He laughed, and he let go of my hand to reach for my waist, and I lifted my hands and curled them over his shoulders, and we both tugged each other closer. For a second I was afraid I wouldn’t manage to kiss him after all, because we were both grinning like fools. But then he leaned close enough for his lips to brush lightly against mine, and it turned out that a smile was a perfectly good starting point for the maneuver after all.

This was the first time I’d ever kissed somebody I cared for. There’d been those few squid kid style ambushes from strangers in taverns and back alleys over the years that left me wondering if I was even meant to kiss anybody. Now I knew the answer was yes: I was definitely meant to kiss Sylvando.

His mouth moved against mine in a way that made me think maybe I was going to spontaneously learn how to cast a Zap spell, except that the lightning was all stuck inside of me. When he pulled away to smile into my face, I wanted to pull him back against me, to put my mouth against his, or maybe to explore the rest of him. I wanted, and wanted, and for the first time, I believed without question that my wanting was welcome.

But I thought that maybe I was supposed to say something here, that maybe it was better to draw out the moment of a proper first kiss and savor it like an expensive wine.

Only problem was, I couldn’t think of anything deep to say. My smartass mouth jumped in without my conscious input and said, “When you said I could stay, were you asking me to stay in your house with the kids, or were you asking me to stay the night?”

“Mm. How many of those will you say yes to?” he asked, smile turning impish.

My brain shut off the rest of the way and left me with no filter for my weeks of pent-up longing. I wanted to be back in his arms the way I’d woken up there weeks before, so I stepped closer to try and make it happen.

This time, he was awake and smiling and his arms both came around me, so it was better than I recalled, but it was also hard to press my body against his from this angle, with the way he was sitting. I tried anyway. I might have pushed a little too hard, because an instant later we were falling, but that was all right, because he landed with his back on the sofa cushions, and I landed on top of him, and he caught me after all.

“Whoops,” he said, but he didn’t sound very sorry, and neither was I, really. When I tilted my head a little and brought my mouth to his neck, he made a little hum of approval, and his arms tightened around me.

Then he let out a soft, breathy laugh, and he said, “Erik, love, maybe we’d better lock the door first.”

“Oh. Yeah. Good point.” I lifted my head, and I almost got up to go do it, but my eyes caught on his face, joyful and warm and beautiful, and I couldn’t leave without kissing him again, and then I forgot what else I was trying to do.

It wasn’t nearly long enough until I jumped at the sound of a knock on the door. I lifted my face away from Sylv's, but getting to an upright position was going to take a little more work.

“Erik?” I recognized Ana’s muffled voice outside the room.

Sylv gave me an I-told-you-so grin. I would have rolled my eyes at him, except I would have had to look away from him. “Just a minute, sweetheart,” I called back, while I tried to figure out a way to extract myself into a more dignified position.

Of course Ana opened the door anyway and walked into the room without waiting at all.

“What are you guys doing?”

“Uh.” It was definitely too late to try for dignity. “We were...hugging. But then we lost our balance.”

“Oh. Can you come play hide-and-seek with us? Isabella said we have time before lunch,” she said, apparently no longer interested at all in our compromising position.

I thought for a second about turning her down, but I was going to have to get up anyway now that the unlocked door had proven itself problematic, and besides, I definitely didn’t want the kids getting the idea that Sylv was going to take me away from them, now more than ever.

I gave Sylv a hesitant, apologetic smile and tilted my head towards Ana. He smiled back, humor and warmth written all over his face, and I loved him, and he answered her aloud, “We’d like that, sweetie. Can you go tell Isabella we’ll be down in a couple minutes?”

“Okay!” She bounced out of the room, leaving the door open behind her.

I looked back at Sylv. “Well. I guess we can pick this up later?”

“I’ll look forward to it.”

We fumbled our way upwards until we were sitting properly on the couch, and only the fact of the open door and the sounds of the kids downstairs kept me from letting my hands wander too much while we did.

Then Sylv leaned toward me and brushed my ear with his lips, like he was going to whisper some sweet nothing to me. I shivered at the contact.

He murmured in a low, seductive voice, for my ears alone: “This is exactly what I always imagined parenting would be like.”

Then he launched himself off the sofa, abandoning me to saunter across the room, to comb his hair and straighten his shirt and throw smug looks over his shoulder at me. I snorted after him. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

When he finished, he walked back over to me and reached out a hand to help me off the sofa, and he kept hold of my hand as we walked towards the door, and I remembered again that I loved him. I smiled as I tugged him out of the room and led him downstairs in order to assemble the family that I wanted with my whole heart.


	12. Epilogue

There was a knock at the front door.

The kids whispered and shifted around in the side room as there was some last minute jockeying for position, somebody deciding they’d rather not be seen after all, and somebody else bargaining for a good spot to spy through the doorway.

Sylv tugged my bowtie straight and flicked his finger at a lock of my hair. I was arguably dressed up more than he was, tonight, since he was only going to change into a different costume later, but my hair wasn’t anything special. He’d given up weeks ago on trying to do anything complicated with it, because even when it acted like it might stay the way he put it for longer than five minutes, I inevitably fidgeted with it and messed it up anyway.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Ready.”

He beamed into my face, and I managed to cling to the sight of him to keep my spirits up instead of dwelling on the ways this could go badly, and I stood a step back from him as he opened up the doors.

I heard a gasp, like Serena was actually surprised to see me in spite of my long, apologetic letter.

Then I heard, “You! Absolute! Idiot!”

“Hi, Veronica.”

Veronica stomped around Sylv and glared up at me, hands on her hips. “I would kick you in the shins if you weren’t wearing nice trousers that Sylv probably picked out for you.”

“Nice to see you, too.” All at once, this struck me as the best possible reception. If she’d been cold, I would have worried, but if she was shouting, at least she cared. Suddenly relaxed, I teased her, “Hey, you got taller. Pretty soon I’ll be able to use your shoulder for an armrest instead of your head.”

“Ugh! Shut up!” she said, and then she hugged me around the waist, digging her chin under my ribs.

“Oh, Erik.” Serena stepped up behind her sister and flung her arms around my shoulders in a surprisingly strong embrace, evidently not caring that we were squishing Veronica between us now. “It’s so, so wonderful to see you. You have no idea.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s good to see you guys, too,” I said, maybe tearing up just a little.

“You said you had kids for us to meet?” Serena said, suddenly releasing me and clasping her hands in front of her, looking like a kid waiting on a present, herself.

“Yeah. Hey, guys,” I called to the cluster of spies in the next room. “Who wants to be the first to get to meet my friends Serena and Veronica?”

Flint led the way out, followed by Paz. They went straight to Veronica. “Hi. I didn’t know any kids were coming. Do you like hide-and-seek?” Flint said.

“I…” Veronica blinked, then scowled up at me. “You didn’t even tell them? And you!” She whirled on Sylv, who turned his best innocent face on her. It wasn’t a very good innocent face. I knew he’d found the idea of the prank as hilarious as I did, and under those conditions, the best he was capable of was modifying his smirk into an overly bright smile.

“Erik, how come didn’t you tell us there was another kid coming tonight?” asked Paz.

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” I said, pretending sincerity. I got another Veronica glare for my effort. Serena giggled and earned a death stare, too.

“Oh. Okay. Do you want to come play with us?” Paz asked Veronica.

The irritation dropped off Veronica’s face, and she landed on a wry smile instead. “Yeah, sure, why not. Hey, you mind if my sister comes, too? She doesn’t look it, but she’s actually the same age as me.”

Flint looked up at Serena. “Huh. Sure. You like hide-and-seek?”

“I love it! Will you take me to say hello to everyone?” she answered.

I just had time to watch the twins get mobbed by the gang of kids in the next room before we had another knock, and Jade and Hendrik walked in.

Jade led the way, of course. She sweetly greeted Sylvando with a hug and a moment of small talk.

Then she turned and met my eyes, and she stalked over to me, and she stepped way too close for someone wearing such a menacing expression, mouth pursed and eyes half-lidded. She leaned forward, somehow looming over me even though I was almost sure the only reason she was taller than me was the heels she wore. I managed not to take a reflexive step back, though it was a close call.

“Do not stay away for so long again,” she said, and I wondered if she’d been practicing her command voice now that she was living in a castle, being a princess. Then she smiled, which was the only reason I didn’t fear for my life while she grabbed me in an embrace and squeezed me hard enough I thought I heard my ribs creak.

“I won’t, Your Majesty,” I wheezed.

“The correct address is ‘Your Highness’,” Hendrik said, extracting himself from a Sylvando embrace that he seemed to find at least as menacing as I’d found Jade’s. “Though I am forbidden to use it, myself, in a social setting such as this.” He stepped towards me, serious-faced, and offered an arm clasp. “Hello, Erik. It is always most welcome to see an old comrade after a time of separation.”

“Yeah. Thanks. You too, Hendrik,” I said, surprised and touched, because this was pretty much as much affection as I’d ever seen him display, and I’d never been sure he even liked me, especially in light of what I’d done to his dungeon.

“My congratulations on your guardianship,” he added, and I reflexively broke into a dopey grin as I looked back over at the swarm of kids that had spilled out of their collective hiding spot in order to instruct the twins in which rooms were off limits for their game.

“Thanks.”

“Did you get it on the first try?” Jade chimed in, and now she was all warmth and smiles.

“Yeah, I did. We didn’t have to break out any sketchy backup plans after all.”

I met Sylv’s eyes, smiling at the memory of his casual late-night offer to marry me the same day in the courthouse if my proposal to begin the guardianship period got rejected, so we could turn in a second copy of the forms together. I’d turned him down, because I was pretty sure he didn’t really want a tiny, businesslike wedding in that stark building, and I didn’t want us to just rush into it for convenience. I’d also been fairly confident that one of the other backup plans we’d devised would work if I needed them to, so I wasn’t really tempted to abandon my half-formed plan of making some romantic proposal.

Plus, I was pretty sure one or another of our guests would have actually killed me today if I’d already married Sylv without having spoken to the rest of them in two and a half years.

“You’re Princess Jade!” We all looked down to see Crystal staring up at Jade, star-struck.

“That’s right. But you can just call me Jade, tonight.” Jade gave her a winning smile.

“Can you really lift Sir Hendrik in the air?” Crystal asked.

Jade grinned and looked at Hendrik. Hendrik let out an audible sigh. “Come on, Hendrik,” Jade said. “I thought you loved making me look good.”

He grunted. “You do that well enough without my assistance.”

“Come on, it’s a special occasion.”

“Very well,” he said disapprovingly, arms crossed.

Still grinning, Jade stepped up to his side, braced her feet, and then let out a small shout of effort as she swept him up into the air, one arm under his knees and the other supporting his back. Hendrik’s dour expression didn’t change at all, and he kept his arms crossed through the whole maneuver.

The room broke into laughter and applause. “That’s why they call it a princess carry,” Sylvando said, mouth quivering through a terrible attempt at a deadpan delivery. I gave him an appreciative elbow in the ribs, and he let his grin break through.

“I see you have been working on your teamwork, Hendrik,” said a dry voice behind us.

“Don Rodrigo!” Hendrik exclaimed, reflexively trying to regain his feet and nearly getting dropped for his trouble. Jade laughingly scolded him as she just barely kept him from falling on the floor.

Sylv and I spun around, and there was Sylvando’s father, hands on his hips, face bland.

“Hola, Papi,” Sylvando said, warm and delighted, and it took the edge off my sudden panic.

“Hola, Norberto,” he replied, more gruffly, but I spotted a little of the same affection as he returned Sylv’s enthusiastic embrace. Then he let go and looked around.

“Well. I understand that many things have changed since I was last home.” He fell silent and crossed his arms. His gaze settled on me, and then back on Sylv. Then he sighed. “I do not know which one of you I am supposed to threaten, when you are both gentlemen, and you are already bribing me with the promise of grandchildren.” He shook his head, then dropped a heavy hand on my shoulder and squeezed, which would have been alarming, except that I saw him doing the same thing to Sylv with his other hand. “Be good to each other, eh?”

“We will, Papi,” Sylv said, still overflowing with affection, and I turned my head to smile at him, somehow actually distracted from his father’s stern demeanor.

Then I felt Rodrigo’s eyes on me, and I added, “Uh, yes, sir,” fumbling through an unfamiliar attempt at respect for one’s elders.

“Good.” He released us and turned to take in the rest of the room again. “So these are the children, eh? Which one is the boy who is so determined to become a knight?”

I traded a glance with Sylv. He gave me a reassuring smile and nod, then looked over and called, “Crystal, darling, come meet my papi!”

Crystal tore her eyes away from Jade with apparent reluctance, but then exclaimed, “Oh!” She ran over to stand in front of us. She planted her feet like Jade, stood at attention the way Sylv had coached her, and she said, “Hola, Abuelito, sir! Please train me to become the greatest knight since Sir Hendrik!”

Rodrigo stared, then turned his eyes back to Sylv for a long moment. I glanced over to see Sylv smiling, but with the set to his eyes that meant he wasn’t going to back down. I guessed his papi knew it, too, because he didn’t say anything to Sylv, just turned his attention back to Crystal.

“I suppose that you already know the Knight’s Pledge.”

“A knight’s word is her bond, her kingdom her master!” Crystal began, and she delivered it with twenty times the enthusiasm and confidence I’d seen from Faris, the first time I’d heard this spiel. “She serves the weak untiringly, challenges the strong unflinchingly, and never retreats in the face of adversity!”

“You know there are no girls training to become knights.”

“Not yet, there ain’t. But they’re gonna wanna join up after they see me.”

“Some other children might make fun of you.”

Crystal snorted. “Like I care about that. Fancy folks been lookin’ down on me and mine, me whole life. It don’t mean nothin’ to me.”

“It is a lot of hard work. You will have to train until you are exhausted, and you will get bruises from sparring, and you will be expected to keep going even when you do not want to.”

“I ain’t afraid. Long as I get food and a bed and I get to see me family, that’s all I need.”

“Why do you want to become a knight?”

“So I can protect me own. And so I can serve Princess Jade someday. When Sir Hendrik gets too old to do his job, I’m gonna take his place.”

She hadn’t framed it that bluntly when Sylv was coaching her, and I openly grinned while I looked for Hendrik. I found him and Jade standing nearby, evidently interested in the current spectacle, and I was a little surprised to find Hendrik actually smiling.

“I shall rest easier, knowing there is someone so dedicated to Her Highness waiting to take over when I can no longer fulfill my duties,” he said.

Jade clapped him on the arm. “You’ve got quite a while yet before we’ll have to put you out to pasture, I should hope. But I’ll be quite happy to have a heroic young lady come to work with me when the time comes.”

Rodrigo closed his eyes for a moment, then gave a sharp nod. “Very well. It is decided. You will join the other squires for training when we return in the spring.”

“Yes, sir, Abuelito!”

He cleared his throat. “Well. Will you introduce me to the rest of your family, Crystal?”

“Oh, course! Right, this is Erik. He’s pretty much our dad now,” she said, taking my hand and smiling up at me. I smiled back, not that I could have possibly done anything else when she was turning my heart to mush like that. I squeezed her hand. Then she pulled away, turned around, and waved her arms, shouting, “Hey, everyone! Abuelito’s here!”

She ran over to a couple of the others to get their attention more directly. Rodrigo gave Sylv another look that I couldn’t interpret, not with his moustache obscuring his mouth, then turned to follow her.

Sylv’s hand curled around my shoulder, and he leaned close to say softly, “Look at him! He’s so happy.”

“He is?”

“Absolutely. See? I told you it was a good idea to get them to call him Abuelito.”

“I guess so.” I knew I shouldn’t have worried that a diminutive form of Grandfather would somehow offend him, after the way Sylv never called him anything but Papi, but it was still reassuring to have the first moment done with, and Sylv telling me it was a success. "I guess maybe we won't have to run away to some house up in the hills after all."

"We still could, corazón. I was serious about the cooler breezes. I don't want you to be miserable in the summer heat."

I gave him a warm look, but before we could reopen that debate, we heard the next knock at the door.

This time it was Rab. “Erik, laddie!” He reached up, and I obediently bent down to hug him, and he ruffled my hair before he let me stand up straight again. “I was so glad to hear you and Brick were talking again. And good for you for making a move on our Sylv, too. Yggdrasil knows you both deserve a little happiness.”

“Thanks, Rab.”

“I brought something for your wee ones.” He pulled a box out of a vest pocket and offered it to me. “Never met a bairn that turned away sweets, and there’s fruit in the middle, so it’s good for them, aye?” His mustache twitched with a smile.

I laughed. “I’m sure they’ll be thrilled. You didn’t have to bring them anything.”

“Ah, but it’s been too long since I’ve had any bairns around to spoil, and you’ll forgive me for saying, but Brick’s taking his own sweet time. So if you’ll indulge an auld man’s wish to play grandad now and again, I’d be well pleased.”

“Oh.” I ran a hand through my hair, startled, but smiling. “Well, for you, I guess I can allow that.”

I set the box down on a little table near the door, because we weren’t done receiving guests yet, and the way things were going, I was going to need my arms free. In fact, I ran through the list so far, and if I wasn’t mistaken, we were getting close to the end, so…

Another knock, and there she was. Mia in the flesh, courtesy of Brick’s teleportation service. I took in her confident, serene expression, her upright posture, her immaculate uniform. She was playing the part of a haughty young lady, through and through. I grinned.

Mia turned her attention to Sylv first, offering some demure, formal greeting, and she dropped into an elegant curtsey that was probably all the rage among noble ladies.

Sylv gave her a serious face and mirrored the curtsey exactly, moving his hands like he was spreading an invisible skirt around himself.

Mia snorted. “You’re supposed to bow,” she said.

“Oh, I see. As my lady prefers,” Sylv said, and he dipped into a bow, moving an arm and a leg in flourishes that probably made up exactly the proper gentleman’s response to her curtsey, according to whatever weird rulebook the upper class liked to play from.

“You’re dating my brother now, huh?”

“That’s right. I’m afraid you’ll be stuck seeing a lot more of me, now.”

“That’s fine. It’s about time he did something other than...whatever he was doing before. But if you hurt him, I’ll hurt you,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Understood,” Sylv said, and he held the serious face for at least two more seconds before he broke into a smile. I had the fleeting impression that anything other than a smile tonight was a mask he couldn’t wait to take off. “I’m very glad you were able to join us tonight.”

“Yeah, me too.” She gave him a nod, then turned and stepped towards me.

She was catching up to me in height again, which made me feel a little sad, because it made me think how much time I’d missed with her, and a little glad, because it felt like things were closer to how they used to be between us. Like we would be near equals again soon, instead of me masquerading as a grown-up while she was still a little girl. Though I supposed I was fairly well committed to trying to be a grown-up now, and she’d barely been a little girl anymore even before the curse.

“Hey, big brother,” she said. Then she punched me in the arm, putting all her weight behind it.

“Ow!” I clutched my arm. It hurt, more than a little, but I was more startled than bothered. “What are they teaching you?”

“Lots of things. I don’t think you want to find out what comes after punching. So, you gonna invite me for the final adoption ceremony? How about your wedding?”

I winced at the edge in her voice. “Sorry. I didn’t want to drag you out of classes, and I didn’t think you’d want to spend all day at the boring courthouse for just the guardianship, and I didn’t have a Brick handy to toss your way, and...No, yeah, I’m sorry, Mia. I’m an idiot. I should have figured something out so you could meet them sooner.”

She shook her head at me, then pulled me into a hug. It was the first embrace all evening that truly felt familiar, the only bit of home left from my childhood, and I agreed with my own assessment: I really was an idiot for not making more time with her.

“It’s okay. Long as they realize they shouldn’t expect more out of Aunt Mia than they do from Papa Erik.”

That made me wonder if I’d done much more poorly for her than I’d realized, and the thought stung more than her punch. She looked up at me and her small smirk melted into apology. “Hey. Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just, you know, missed you, and I’m kind of nervous, so I’m being a rat. You know I love you.”

“I don’t have a great track record of spending enough time with the people I care about, the past few years. I really didn’t mean to ditch you, too. That’s the last thing I want. Sorry. And they’ll love you.”

“Huh. Geez, you got sappy since I saw you last.” She leaned back against me, giving me a one-armed sideways hug. “There’s nothing to forgive. As long as I get a nice enough present during my midwinter break.”

She smirked up at me again, mischievous and relaxed, now. I laughed and squeezed her around the shoulders. “Yeah, I love you too, stinker. Well, you wanna meet your nieces and nephews?”

“Yeah,” she said, drawing the word out. “Uh, but I’m pretty thirsty. You got anything to drink?”

“There’s a punch bowl over there,” I said, waving a hand at it. Then I looked back at Mia. “You are nervous, huh? I promise it’ll be fine. Isabella and Ana are especially excited to meet you.”

“Yeah, okay. Just give me a minute, all right?”

I guessed I wasn’t the only one prone to a case of nerves, but I let her head over to the buffet to pep herself up, and I got distracted from my internal debate about whether to follow her when I heard the next knock on the door.

This time it was Derk and Opal. 

“Erik, mate! I can’t believe it! Ha, and you was givin’ me guff for livin’ in a mansion? Thought I finally had the lead on you, but it looks like I’m gonna be comin’ to you for advice on being a dad, too.” He dropped a lumpy sack on the floor and reached up towards me.

“Hi, Derk,” I said, smiling and bending to receive the most relaxed embrace of the evening. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“Thank your pal. Wouldn’t’ve liked to bring Opal by carriage, with her this far along.” He stepped back and reached a hand for Opal, and she came forward and took me by the shoulders to kiss the air next to my cheek. I plastered on a smile, hoping this was a normal friendly greeting.

“Don’t mind it, her mother’s from the countryside up near the Academie, that’s how they greet friends there,” Derk said with a wink.

“Right. So you picked out any names yet?” I said to cover up my momentary discomfort.

“We cannot tell you that before the child is born,” Opal said, smiling. “But we shall send a letter, and you’ll be among the first to know.”

“Speaking of kids. A couple months ago, I got to thinking about my kid,” Derk said, with a glance at Opal’s round midsection, “And also about you and your friends and how much I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Derk.”

He waved a hand dismissively and talked over me while he picked up the sack he’d set on the floor. “So I started thinkin’ that I wanted to have something fun in my shop. Jewelry and trinkets are all well and good for getting noble folks to come around and drop too much money in my lap, but I ain’t gonna impress me little tyke with that, am I? At any rate, that’s why I went and found a toymaker and got her to work up a supply for my shop. We have eight different models, so it’s right handy that you have eight kids here, innit?”

I would have felt odd about Derk bringing a gift for me, as I felt like I was the one who still needed to put in some work to rebuild our friendship, but when it came to spoiling the kids, I couldn’t really say no. I called out, “Hey, kiddos, my buddy Derk here’s brought something for all of you.”

Paz was the first one over, clearly excited by the sight of the packages, and once he started the stampede, the rest dropped what they were doing and charged over as well. Derk looked pleased with himself as he doled the packages out.

The adults in the room watched from a distance with an air of indulgent amusement, until the kids tore off the string and paper to reveal the contents. I looked at Flint’s, and I did a double-take, then laughed out loud, and the older half of the room laughed with me, because it was a tiny version of Rab.

Flint prodded at it and the arms and legs moved. He looked over his shoulder to find the real-life Rab and compare. “Is that him?” he asked me in an undertone.

“Yup!” Derk interjected. “One for each of the great heroes who saved the world, and me own life, too, I might add.”

“Saved the world?” Serafito asked, looking between me and the tiny copy of me that he now held in his hands. Did Derk really think my hair looked that spiky?

“Oi, you haven’t even told them? Erik, for shame.”

“Look, it’s kind of a scary story in parts, okay? It didn’t seem like a good time early on, and then, uh, I...kind of forgot.” Or something. How did you bring up something like that, months after you’d started living with someone? How’s breakfast, and by the way, I saved the world once?

Derk shook his head at me, then turned back to Serafito. “Well, if you lot can all sit quiet through the show later tonight, then when we get back here, your Uncle Derk will tell you a thing or two about your dads, here, huh?”

I ran a hand through my hair, a little emotional over everything packed into that sentence.

“I got you, Sylv!” shouted Paz, brandishing the figurine he’d unwrapped. “Sylv, Sylv, pick me up and fly me! And I can fly you!” He waved the figure in the air.

“Oh! Yes, let’s do it!” said Sylv, clasping his hands next to his face and beaming. Then he swooped Paz up in his hands, held Paz over his head, and ran him around the room, while Paz himself held up the figurine of Sylv above his own head.

The sight just about did me in, coming so close on the heels of Derk’s words implying family. I blinked away the moisture in my eyes as Sylv returned and deposited Paz with the group.

He made it just in time for the last knock on the door, and he must have spotted me watching him, because he gave me an affectionate look and let the back of his hand brush mine on his way to answer.

Brick and Gemma walked in wearing Cobblestone finery: not the thin and delicate cloth that made up a lot of the upper class gear that some people in our party favored, but embroidered and colorful. I knew it was Gemma’s handiwork.

Brick guided Gemma inside with an arm around her shoulders, like he wanted to make sure she felt welcome, and I caught maybe a hint of uncertainty on her face when she looked at me. But then Brick made a distraction as he walked into Sylvando’s hug, and they laughed, apparently having established some habit of seeing which one of them could pick up the other. It seemed to be a draw.

Then Brick turned, grinned at me, shook his head, and it was no contest that he was the one to lift me to my toes when it was my turn. He pulled back, clapping me on the shoulder on the way. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Glad to hear about, well, everything.” 

“Thanks. There’s a lot of everything, but it’s all fantastic. By the way, thanks again for agreeing to pick up Mia and Derk and all.”

“Of course! It was no trouble, and I was glad to do it. Speaking of, is Mia...Aha!” He spotted my sister and drifted away from me toward her. I heard him exclaim, “Mia! Sorry to rush you over here in such a hurry. Couldn’t keep Gemma waiting any longer. How’s your school going?”

I watched him, a little startled that he cared so much about my sister, but I guessed that was Brick for you, always friendly, always watching out for ways he could make somebody’s day better. A lot like somebody else I knew, I thought, looking for Sylvando again.

My eyes caught on Gemma as my head turned. Sylv was delivering some friendly greeting to her, but she was looking at me, distracted, like she wanted to say something but wasn’t sure she should.

I remembered my lukewarm reaction to her the first time I met her, because the only two things we had in common were a dungeon visit and a fondness for Brick. Back then, it was early enough that I couldn’t figure out exactly why the latter bothered me so much.

I remembered hating the thought of her for months after my ill-advised attempt at a confession. I felt bad about that, now.

“Hi, Gemma,” I offered. “Glad you could make it.”

“Hi, Erik,” she said, her uncertainty brightening a shade toward cheerful. “I’m glad to be here. Sylv’s shows are so exciting! And I love seeing Brick with his friends.” She bit her lip for a second, then added, “I was so glad when he got to see you again. He was so happy about it.”

I rubbed the back of my head. “I’m sorry I missed your wedding.”

“I’m sorry about, well…I’m not sorry I married him, but I’m sorry about the way we told you it was going to happen. I know you felt something for him.”

“No offense, but these days I’m glad I’m not the one he wanted. I’m pretty happy with where I’ve ended up.”

“Oh, that’s a relief. Does that mean we could be friends?”

“Yeah, sure. I’d like that.” 

“Wonderful. I’m glad, Erik.” She gave me a bright smile, which didn’t strike me as being as gorgeous as one of Sylv’s, but I supposed I could see where Brick must find it appealing. “Could I ask you to introduce me to your kids, then?”

“Yeah, let me see if I can get them to hold still for one second.”

I cheated a little, using Rab’s sweets to bribe them into lining up for an actual introduction. “I know everyone’s probably gonna only remember approximately one new name when I’m done listing them all, but everyone in this room is good people, so it’s all right to talk to them. Okay?”

“Okay, Erik,” Paz said, rather helpfully. I ruffled his hair, then imagined Sylv repressing a tiny sigh behind me, and I took an extra second to smooth it back out.

After I ran through the long list of introductions and released the kids to mingle or play as they chose, I stepped back to watch the chaos resume.

Ana grabbed Mia by the hand and dragged her over to look at the portrait of Sylv’s mom. I watched Mia give her a charmed smile, then throw a grin over her shoulder at me.

Meanwhile, Brick exchanged a few words with Serafito, and then Brick and Jade were both grinning at Hendrik, and suddenly the three muscular adults began some kind of contest over which of them could stand up straight with the largest number of kids dangling from their outstretched arms. I thought Hendrik was mostly only winning because of the length of his limbs.

I became aware of Sylv standing beside me. I traded a smile with him, and he leaned close to murmur, “That wasn’t too bad, was it, mi cariño?”

“No. No, it was really good. I’m…” I looked up at him, and I reached for his hand, and I threaded my fingers through his. I’d grasped by now how much he thrived on hearing about positive things other people were feeling, so I made an effort to share. “I’m really, really happy right now.”

“It makes me very happy to hear that,” Sylv said, his expression gone soft in the way that always made me want to kiss him, now. I squeezed his hand and leaned my shoulder into his.

“How long until you have to head to the theater?” I asked him.

“I should head over any minute. Are you okay by yourself, here?”

I looked back at the room. “I’m better than okay. And not really by myself, am I? Don’t worry. I’ve got things handled on this end. Go be amazing. I mean, you always are, but go be amazing somewhere else.”

Sylv laughed. “Okay. Give me a little send-off kiss first, huh?”

He leaned down and offered his cheek. I ignored it. Instead, I reached up, turned his face towards me, and gave him a serious kiss on the mouth. He hummed approval, and I only barely remembered to cut it short because we weren’t alone.

“I love you,” I said softly, still savoring the weight of the words in my mouth every time.

“I love you too,” he said, sweet and warm, and I knew there was no way I’d ever get tired of that.

Then I watched him glance at the room, and I followed his wink to see a dozen smiles and grins and smirks pointed our way. I laughed, faintly embarrassed, but not enough to be bothered over. Not when Sylv was smiling over it.

“I’ll see you all from the stage, my loves,” he called out with a wave, and I didn’t mind his absence as he left the house. I knew he would be back, and that I was wanted here, that I belonged here.

I looked at the room full of people, and I thought about everyone’s warmth at seeing me again after so long. I hadn’t quite realized just how much I’d missed all of them, but now that they were here, I couldn’t bear the thought of giving them up again.

I distantly remembered wondering, back while I was wandering the world alone, if any of us were really even friends, but after seeing them tonight, I felt like we were much more than that. I felt like I’d been putting together a jigsaw puzzle of my life, and someone had just handed me the pieces that I’d let fall on the floor, and I’d suddenly completed a picture I didn’t know I’d needed, but now that I had, I was so, so glad.

I felt like Sylv was right there with me as I stepped forward to join the collection of everyone else in the world that I thought of as family, and I couldn’t think of a single thing I wanted to be different in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! And special thanks to everyone who dropped a comment or kudos! You've helped me keep the momentum to get this thing done. I'm delighted to see this rarepair getting some love.
> 
> And while I'm talking, thank you to everyone else who writes Sylv fic. You're wonderful.


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